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Mar 2021 · 986
I miss you, Dad
Jamie Mar 2021
I saw your hands today
For the first time in what felt like forever

Those strong hands that held mine while I jumped over puddles
Caught me whenever I was about to fall
The hands that built houses and fixed everything --
Broken pipes, dead cars and crocodile tears

I saw your hands today
But they weren't really your hands
Just another dad's of another daughter's

But God, they reminded me of yours
Dec 2020 · 187
Earthquake
Jamie Dec 2020
I collided into you with eyes closed and palms raw

And to this day,
I still feel the aftershocks of our skin touching

Meeting you wasn't like some storm;
No stillness before the lashing of rain and wind

Meeting you was sudden
It was violent
Meeting you was loud

And now I'm just left with these small aftershocks;
Just a taste of what it was like to touch your skin with mine

Collide with me again

I've never craved loudness
But I'm restless and needy
Oct 2020 · 208
Eagle's Wings
Jamie Oct 2020
There is a peacefulness
A stillness
With death

That I never thought was there

Witnessing your last breath was the most
Earth shattering thing

The loudest moment of silence

GRIEF is not peaceful
It is pain and hurt and blackness

But that transition of planes;

Mimicking eagle's wings
The ocean's gentle tides

There was a peacefulness with your death

And God,

Do I miss you

Dad
Oct 2020 · 471
Quiet Little Life
Jamie Oct 2020
I adore you most during the quietest times of the day
When everything seems so still

I long for you most during the quietest times of the day
Your hands against my aching skin

Heal me
So we can enjoy the stillness together
Our own little world of silence
Oct 2020 · 1.3k
swansong
Jamie Oct 2020
You beautiful,
Beautiful
Woman you --
I'm in awe of you,
You lovely woman
Aug 2020 · 156
jazz and fire
Jamie Aug 2020
I love you like jazz notes
All over the place and messy

I love you slow
Like a burning ember holding onto firewood

I love you fiercely
I love you now
And then
And always

In secret
In whisper
Nov 2019 · 193
32.94
Jamie Nov 2019
There is a restlessness inside of my body
The rumbling of an uneasy tide against the shoreline
I gasp for air and although my lungs are already full I am greedy
Searching for the road that leads to you
Because I am stuck here
Wanting to just breathe the same air as you
Sep 2019 · 202
Colors
Jamie Sep 2019
I haven't felt my heart beat in a very long time
So long that cobwebs filled the space
A stillness stirred inside my ribcage

Until one night where your eyes met mine, again
And the world became full of color
My cheeks were flushed and a warmth radiated out of my fingertips

A low pitter-patter made its way to my eardrums
My heart was beating;
Butterfly wings kissed the inside of my stomach

And I was sure that I felt alive again,

I haven't felt this way in a very long time
Apr 2019 · 348
Repent
Jamie Apr 2019
I dream of angels but I live with demons
A hell that is construed within my home
And a heaven full of wishful thinking
Oct 2018 · 312
Seasonal Depression
Jamie Oct 2018
Hello, world
It's me again
And I know I'm pretty insignificant
But I'm feeling numb again

And I was wondering if you could
Just stop spinning so fast
Because a girl has to catch her breath

The seas are crashing
My head is exploding
The grass is still growing

But my fingertips are cold
I feel absolutely nothing
Sep 2018 · 159
Golden Glow
Jamie Sep 2018
I have become a shell of myself
And I am in the process of
Following my footsteps--
Tracing back to the days where
I considered myself free
And dark
And when all that was okay
Because all of this fake sunshine
Has my skin sunburnt and raw
Mar 2018 · 385
Stroke
Jamie Mar 2018
My body is numb
Crushed up glaciers bob up and down my blackened blood
Leaving a stillness within my veins
A coldness that never was --

But I feel that there is a melting point,
A fire inside me, an ember beneath my ribcage

An overflow of nothingness and all at once,

Everything
had a first ever mini-stroke recently. was probably the most terrifying experience I've ever had. good news on the horizon but this just really shook my bones. tired of hospitals.
Nov 2017 · 424
anxiety
Jamie Nov 2017
11 o'clock
Is when my body decides to unravel itself
From the stress of the day's
Should I's
And
Will I's
And
Maybe tomorrow's
Nov 2017 · 420
Between Appointments
Jamie Nov 2017
'Cancer survivor' they call me
But I don't understand how they're referring to the past when
I'm presently trying to survive

And I'm constantly asking myself:
Is this really living?
I've been in that kind of mood lately -- that /depressed/ type of mood, you know, in between doctor appointments.
Oct 2017 · 479
Colder Months
Jamie Oct 2017
As I breathe in the city air
The thought about you cascades around my mind
The smell before rain I always find leading back to you;
The faint scent of your cologne runs with the wind

Autumn has come, my love
It's chilly outside
Apr 2017 · 610
4.19
Jamie Apr 2017
Your voice feels like a distant wind,
Blowing the nape of my neck.
I do not remember what your laugh sounds like,
But sometimes on lazy days, soft days,
A smile creeps my face,
And I remember the way you said my name
Gently,
Softly,
Oh, what a while it has been
Oct 2016 · 1.2k
Adrenaline
Jamie Oct 2016
I have thought about suicide probably
More times than I should have,
And I've lingered between busy streets probably
More often than I ought to,
Unclicking my seat-belt
Dancing on the edge of
"Should I?" and "When?"

I've emptied orange bottles, prescriptions in hand,
Shuffling the white capsules from mouth to palm probably
More than a dozen times,
And I've lingered on the idea of
"Now?" and "Here?"

I've held myself under bath water, white knuckles clenched and lungs on fire
Probably
More than my body wishes
Humming to myself,
"A few more seconds." and "Keep going."

Hoping one day,
Somewhere,
Sometime,

Should I?
When?
Now?
Here?
Jun 2016 · 744
Lovers
Jamie Jun 2016
The breath before a collision
Moving towards each other,
On a course of inevitability

Our creation was built
On the consequential mathematical
Equation of our impact

But from some miracle,
Here we are,
Skin against skin,
Draped along silk and sunlight;
The loudest moment
Of silence
Mar 2016 · 971
Soft
Jamie Mar 2016
If I could, I would love you
A thousand times over

Under bridges and between alleyways
Wrapped in bed sheets
Reading the braille traced along
Your skin

Secret messages
Written to the strum of our heart strings
Mar 2016 · 959
A Horror Story
Jamie Mar 2016
Your insides are crawling
Singing hymns of horror stories
Shrills of purgatory

Ghastly visions of the darkest memories that haunt your mind;

Her slender fingers
And chestnut eyes

The emptiness of her lungs and fullness of her palms

Mounted on the curtains of your eyelids
Feb 2016 · 552
Haunting
Jamie Feb 2016
Love of my life --
You have built me up, crafting a foundation of steady bricks made up of warm embraces and silent I love you's
The palm of your hand always gently caressing whatever is chilled by winter storms
Kissing me in the places I'm most insecure about; humiliation of uncertainty and unnecessary obscurity
I have never felt so close to another one's soul, jolting mine so much so
That I am left here, cheeks flushed and arms out,
Searching through miles of terrain barefoot
Waiting until I can see you in other places besides behind my eyelids
The ghost of your silhouette outlining where your head rests against my pillow
The echo of your laughter dances in the darkness of my bedroom
Memories of which I have only conjured up in the alleyways of my imagination
Jan 2016 · 712
IV.V
Jamie Jan 2016
You're a mountain --
A constant uphill of rough terrain
Your altitude gripping at my throat

An avalanche of
Your laughter leaving
Imprints of familiar glances underneath my feet

I'm just a silly climber
Discovering you once again,
My adrenaline rush
Sep 2015 · 576
Hello, old friend
Jamie Sep 2015
My calloused palms are tired,
Of making those who have touched me,
Radiate;
Sins washed away underneath wrinkled paper,
Lasting forever.
Here you are soaked into sheets,
Like the memories hanging on the bedroom walls,
Of my mind;
Framed and frozen,
For eternity
Apr 2015 · 489
Nostalgia
Jamie Apr 2015
Hymns course within your veins,
Carrying constellations of passionate explosions,
That whisper secrets behind closed doors.

I've met you in another life,
I'm sure of it.
Apr 2015 · 528
Arson II
Jamie Apr 2015
I cannot burn for you in silence any longer.
The comet from which you started from,
Is spilling out of my veins,
You fire starter.

My thoughts are incoherent as I recall the explosion,
From which our lucid dreams joined together;
Holding hands, dancing under skies of ash

Nostalgia --

It was not snow that our footprints marked,
But it was the remains of,
Time we couldn't get back and,
Silences that wouldn't ever be filled.
All the misunderstandings exploded from caverns.

And here we are,
Two oblivious metronomes
Loving at the wrong times
And the wrong places

I love you.
Mar 2015 · 687
Car Doors
Jamie Mar 2015
My ribcage rises with thoughts of you,
And the breath of disappointment,
Escapes my lungs.
My palms are bruised,
My eyelashes are heavy,
My bed is cold,
I miss you.
Feb 2015 · 791
Arson
Jamie Feb 2015
I was a dragon in my past life,
Breathing in freedom and exhaling fire.
I tucked you beneath my wings,
Showing you every little piece of heaven.
And you,
You warrior,
Slayed me beneath hollow trees and,
Star filled skies.

We were doomed from the beginning;
Even in our past lives
Feb 2015 · 488
Reminiscent Sighs
Jamie Feb 2015
It's as if your love is imprinted
Along my cheekbone

Like little reminders of where I slept
Your pillow creasing against my skin
Jan 2015 · 736
Adore
Jamie Jan 2015
I can't put into words
How soothing it is to
Rest my head against your chest

To run my my fingertips down
Your towering back

Or to hold your hand
While street lights flutter like eyelashes
As we drive against the pavement
Jamie Jan 2015
My lips have become swollen,
Carrying words that are,
Whispered between bed sheets and,
My legs have becomes vines, wrapped around you.
You mapped out your expedition,
You traveler,
Explorer,
Venturer.
"****" The only word able to escape my throat.
"Yeah." You replied, grinning like a fool against the colors of blue and red that danced around the room.
Dec 2014 · 1.0k
Flu Season
Jamie Dec 2014
I've spent an eternity running my hands along jagged edges of broken hearts
As humans, we like to reminiscence about the past.
We romanticize the future.
And we forget the present; we put it off to the side like lingering colds, leaving cough drops in the car.
Dec 2014 · 2.4k
city life
Jamie Dec 2014
The sunlit pools dropping to the ground;
The pitter pattering,
Is set aside by the numbing voices of people, rushing
Untouchable; dry
Shielded by brick buildings and colorful,
Umbrellas that open up like circus tents,
Here, in the city
It pours,
It rains.
Nov 2014 · 643
Winter Solstice
Jamie Nov 2014
The Eskimos know,
The land like,
The back of,
Their hand;

Home is white and,
Glistening.
Home, it is cold,
It is harsh

"It is beautiful", they say.

Home is beautiful.
Nov 2014 · 431
Confession
Jamie Nov 2014
I am drunk with sin and

The heat of your name radiates

Off of my rising chest

And, God,

Doing such ***** things

Never felt so good
Sep 2014 · 350
IIV
Jamie Sep 2014
IIV
I wished for you,
Many times.

I searched for you,
Always.
Sep 2014 · 429
VI
Jamie Sep 2014
VI
You breathe in oxygen and exhale sighs,
That are sweet like honey.
Your back arches like a crescent moon,
And darling,
You remind me of the stars.
Jamie Aug 2014
Our
Hellos
And
Good byes
And
I love yous
Have been
Mapped out in the stars that
Dangle above our
Sleeping heads
Jul 2014 · 1.6k
4:26am
Jamie Jul 2014
The trees are sighing;
They are exhausted.
The wind chimes laugh and
The birds chirp.
But the trees are sighing because
They are exhausted.
Jun 2014 · 981
1:58am
Jamie Jun 2014
I want to like someone so much,

That I could draw them from memory.

I want to adore someone so much,
I want to love someone so much,

*That I could pinpoint their profile in the stars.
Jun 2014 · 517
Traces
Jamie Jun 2014
I still find traces of you;
In my popcorn ceiling I see the outline of your torso,
Hollow.
You echoed when you would say my name
The lining of your lungs were padded with sticky notes,
Reminders of doctors appointments and birthday parties.
You would forget the simple things,
Not because you wanted to make room for the important ones
Like storing old photos in boxes,
Tucking them away on shelves to collect dust,
But because to you, simplicity wasn't worth a photo album.
The corners were tucked and folded,
Bent into paper swans.
And then thrown away in trash cans,
Recycled,
Into something more complex,
Like black matter and fairy dust.
I still find traces of you;
On doorknobs and coffee mugs,
And hollow things.
May 2014 · 487
I'm sorry
Jamie May 2014
My feelings contradict the words that spill from my mouth
Like melted daggers falling like stars, shining..
And my actions contradict themselves, fists white knuckled and raw, an outstretched palm reaching towards your body
Begging to stay
Asking to leave
Demanding
Sew my mouth shut and
Tie my limbs down
Just rest your head against my chest so you can
Listen to the erratic heartbeat that plucks harp strings and horsehair
May 2014 · 708
Translucency (continued)
Jamie May 2014
"I memorized your scent" you said as I walked into the room.
Looking through my lashes, I saw you smirking.
As our eyes met, I chuckled.
"Oh, really?" I replied.
I've memorized yours a while ago.
I've memorized your laugh and your smile.
But I couldn't tell you -- instead I just nod and keep the love I have for you
Tucked away in a jelly glass jar;
Safe,
Hidden away on a shelf in my bedroom.
this is a part 2 of a poem I wrote a while back called Translucency
May 2014 · 392
Gravity
Jamie May 2014
As I floated into the night sky
Near the stars
Near the heavens
I wondered if you were looking up
Thinking of me
Because I, as the little piece of sky that I am,
Looked down
Thinking of you;
The little piece of ground that you are.
Apr 2014 · 930
Midnight rambles
Jamie Apr 2014
Although my heart aches for you, the stars stay the same.
They do not mourn over my aching soul that weeps in sorrow.
Nay, they stay painted on the night’s sky looking down --
They feel no pain nor grief as I bend over in agony
Reminiscing the way your silhouette would stand in the doorway
Although my heart cries with loss
Although my soul weeps
The stars stay the same.
Mar 2014 · 439
Yellows and Oranges
Jamie Mar 2014
Your hands are cold,
But they are able to make
Even the smallest touch
Onto skin
Spark into flames
Mar 2014 · 3.3k
Willow
Jamie Mar 2014
I have gnawed your name onto the inside of my cheek
Like carving love notes on willow trees
And I have painted your portrait on the back of my eyelids
Romanticizing the outline of your jaw
Like an artist would his brush
And my skin remembers every brief moment when
Your hand and would brush against mine
Like the leaves on the willow tree
With your name
Carved into
Its bark
Feb 2014 · 414
Old-Soul
Jamie Feb 2014
I am fire.
I am wind.
I am water.
I am the soil beneath your feet.
I am eternal.
Feb 2014 · 381
Translucency
Jamie Feb 2014
I want to put the love I have for you
Inside a jelly glass jar and seal the lid
So every time I pass by
I can take a glance at the feelings I have for you
Tucked away up on a shelf;
Safe.
Jan 2014 · 1.1k
Late night thoughts
Jamie Jan 2014
You tug at my heartstrings and you don't even realize
The way it is affecting the sheltered butterflies
That are enveloped inside my ribcage.
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