Mother am I beautiful?  No, you are pretty, just pretty....

Little girl behind the old rocker, in the corner of the living room.
So very quiet, so very sad.
So often forgotten and never listened to.
"Oh, she is just shy and a real momma's baby".
What a shame, she has no voice. Are you sure she's okay? You know....

The prison of silence they put her in.
Each cutting word stole more of her voice each day.
One day she just gave up and her voice was silenced to all.
Words were never  uttered in her prison of silence.

Each day she stayed a little longer in her own little world.
She tried to make it perfect but sadness would creep in
and her unheard tears would flow again.
Somehow she made it through her young years,
and grew up into a woman or so they thought.

Little girl still hurt, silent tears still flow.
And a smile that hides more pain
that you could ever know.

Skin deep in her cold green sea,
a dark and gnarled sky above.
On the curved horizon a sign reads;
She believes in angels but she can't believe in love.

Insane in her reverie, wings sewn cross-stitch
down the spine of her back,
rattling panes that the wind blows
are a reminder of all that she lack.

Saw teeth across metal is music to her ear,
the shriek of the tea kettle full of insolent childhood fear.
Rude eyes shout; forget the Devil, he has no bite.
She knows better though and she's not going down without a fight.

Her attempts to speak of the things she has heard
are the sound of the cat who has sprung on the bird.
To spread her wings is to spread  her legs
and to embrace the power that the Darkness has made.

Oh, the suffering of heartache after heart's ache
while pulling the wings off of flies.
She can make you laugh, she's pretty smart eh,
but it isn't the same as being wise.

Every bit of her life, it occurs to her,
yes it does, it just occurs.
Now is that being selfish or just being blind,
if fooling people well was just her way to unwind.

Little girl in the dark, with covers up to her chin.
Eyes wide open, heart pounding.
Don't go to sleep, it will get you!
She strains to hear it coming.
Make sure all is covered but the face.
For I must see what is going to get me!
If I don't move or hardly breath, maybe
it won't see or hear me....

What is that in the closet?!
Eyes straining to see the horror
that is surly going to get me.
Don't move, Don't breath!
Don't let your foot fall to the edge,
he will grab you and pull you down.
Keep your hands covered,
because he waits under the bed.

NO! you can't call your mommy.
Stay quiet little one,
for he will get you!

I see it in the closet.
I see it moving towards me.
My heart beats so fast.
Oh No! I hear it breathing.
Was that the closet door?
A silent scream strains.
Shhh  Shush! He's coming now.

Don't close your eyes,,
you need to see it coming!

Little girl in the dark.
All covered in blankets.
So frightened, waiting for it.
No moving, no breathing, NO crying!
For then it will get you.

Little girl in the dark, so tired.
My eyes are so heavy,
but I can't sleep, for it will know
and come for me.
Oh God! help me!
I am falling, falling asleep.
And it is coming,
for I have fallen asleep!!

Bring the ringing rain drop
Whole lot
Remembrance

Determined turtle vanishing green all my needs manifested scaring caring eyes viciously.  No acceptance can't claim existence willingly my ancestors have closed the blinds shrill speculative variety mixed amorous stenciled template.

Does it get better? It has before but I have no expectation. What I know is weak discovery and blankness. Lack of connection killing me before I'm dead my spirit drained and waning quickly. Stuck to couch cushions and 3 square don't fit there.

My only  hope is that my inability to accept/experience joy and lack of self worth does not inhibit my daughter's love for life.