Kapil Dutta

Kapil Dutta Sep 2018

21

Sitting in my room alone,
voluntary isolation.
Listening to Bach’s sonnet,
trying to discover the right annotation

For this tragedy that I’m living,
Boy prodigy is lost in the
absence of his life’s meaning

Eyes unfocused,
Forging his dead identity.
Locked inside his
own mind’s cage

The walls are
dark in here,
they were painted
with his own fear

Feeling intimidated
by the presence of this devil,
who’s older than half my age

We both grew up together.
He is the Master,
I’m his Slave

Every once in a while,
I like to ask him
how my insecurities taste

He has been
feeding on them
for aeons,
since I’ve been
seeding my ideas
with crayons

What’s that, are you feeling sad?
Let us hop onto Instagram.
Let us binge through stories
and vicariously drink the joy
other people like to brag

Have you received a DM yet?
In the last five mins?
Let’s go back and check.
After all, isn’t your self-worth
a puppet to the notifications you get?

Trying to use my smartphone
as a prosthetic to support my
handicapped happiness,
because I cannot for the life of me
find it inside my mortal existence

Sorry Complex,
but can we take a recess?
Could I borrow your
mental health issues?
I would like to use them
as tools to build
my own little Universe
for the World’s muse

“Dude, you are so smart”
Thanks, I appreciate that.
But what’s my intelligence
gonna be worth,
when I suffocate out of my breath?
Choked by this sociopath
named Loneliness,
he likes to **** people in a slow death

He has a gang of thugs,
Anxiety is his cousin,
Depression, their Godfather
Insecurities, the Uncle who has been
molesting me since my childhood

They sneaked up on me in the alley,
while I was hopelessly looking
for love and acceptance.
They kidnapped me from my family,
and took away my ability to make friends

Now I can’t find a single person
who understands me,
Or even genuinely cares
No one from my past
who wants to make amends

Should I OD?
Shoot myself in the head
or jump off the edge?

Don’t worry, innocent bystander,
these are only metaphors.
I’m not actually trying to **** myself

Sorry to disturb
your browsing session,
please continue writing
your Instagram caption,
I was only crying for help
Or attention,
whatever fits your worldview.
You can call me the crying wolf

Don’t you get it Complex,
the world doesn’t have the capacity
to bare your illness

Can you be stable
for a ******* minute,
you narcissistic *****?
Do you have problems or not?
Can you stop fluctuating
for your friends sake?

Sure, let me just tune my mind
to a different frequency.
Wait, that’s strange,
the radio seems broken.
Are you having the same
problem as me?

It’s been a couple of years,
since I discovered
that my birth was an error
in human reproduction

I looked under the microscope,
my DNA strands are coded in
A, D, H and D
I cannot afford to pay the shrinks fee,
so I’m trying to find my own solution

I’m glad that you
looked it up
on the Internet,
But I’m sorry, you don’t really
get what’s it’s like carrying
this weight 24 / Seven

When you want to fly,
as if you are superman,
around the planet,
7 times in a Second

The mass collapsing
under its own weight,
you forgot to equate for
e = m c squared

Why are you carrying
all this dead weight?
Complex, let go of your history

I’m trying to! Don’t you see?
Those beasts just keep chasing after me

Kapil Dutta Jun 2016

Oh Romeo

...

Two years ago in time
Seventeen of age, twenty seven of mind
On this blue planet sewn with heart breaks,
Blood pouring like it’s red wine
Took birth a love story
Another one of cupid’s crimes.

Ten days to meet
Twenty to plant the seed
Forty, and they had their first fight
This is not a story of love at first sight.

Oh Romeo, do you remember
The day when you pulled her closer
To comfort your lonely heart
Signed an agreement with the devil that night
Which would tear your life apart

And now here we stand, reading your memorial.
Contemplating everything that went bleak.
You knew the outcome of this journey
Even before your feelings learned to speak.

It’s a dangerous equation,
When LHS does not equal RHS
The mathematics of life starts to collapse
Like an imbalanced swing abandoned by the kids

All you need is to be cared
To be a priority in someone’s life
I understand, little brother
But you cannot demand love as you like

Oh Romeo, I do empathize
You suffered from PTSD, I do realize
From when depression molested your feelings
And left you naked on the streets, bleeding

But you were the captain of your sail
You drove the Titanic to the bottom
With the ocean so deep,
It made her love for you rotten.

Her emotions were like
the wings of a butterfly.
They would flutter restlessly
from dawn to dusk.

Our conversations felt like
a trip to some remote hill station.
The view was pretty,
with a few crests
and countless troughs,
but I fell sick of the constant motion.

Oh Romeo, she did love you
After all, you felt like returning home
But love fades over time,
just like the memory of this poem.

…

-KD

Just another sad love poem acknowledging the day we started talking.

#love #lonely #heart #time #story #devil #cupid #memorial #romeo #breaks

Kapil Dutta Feb 2016

Boyhood

...

Five million seconds ago in History,
was born a mind full of curiosity.

Carried around in the skull
of a boy mere fourteen,
with an absent self
glued to a skinny body.

He would ponder for hours,
about everything visible
through the sockets of his eyes.
Life, Death,
Mortals and their problems,
all alike.

The Universe for him was a grand magical experience,
with the existence of the magician its greatest trick.

His role in this play called ‘Life’,
he decided, was to uncover the truth
behind the curtain of illusions.
And mask the cracks
of this sculpture called Society
with his creative solutions.

As the years went by,
the boy would raise
castles out of thin air,
with tools made of
Fantasy and Imagination.

Little did he know that
the concrete of his structures
were diluted with innocent assumptions.

That is when Reality shot him,
with bullets made of Solitude.

“Wake up, you need to make money”, she said,
as she wreaked his empire floating on the river Naive.

She would adopt him as her own son.
And claim his ideal self, his new father.

Together,
they would cremate
his boyhood years
and carve him into
The Man He Always Wanted To Be.

...

-KD

Also read "The Man I Want To Be" for context : http://hellopoetry.com/poem/692212/the-man-i-want-to-be/

#life #living #future #death #imagination #society #fantasy #creation #mortal #boyhood

Kapil Dutta Feb 2015

Yes, I Love You

...

There was a way in her smile,
took me a while to notice.
For when love arrived,
I woke up from my September sleep.
Her words were the hands to the monster in her mind,
they would set fire to my emotions.
While her eyes would watch,
as my feelings would burn.
We were playing the battle of Love.
My sword was my Pen and my shield, her eyes.
“Yes, I Love You.”

There was a flavor to her lips,
I remember it from my dreams.
When we kissed with our words,
The Earth, The Water and The Sky would scream -
You Shall Never Be - and so agreed the reality.
“Yes, She Loves You..” whispered the tear in my eye.

There were words hidden in her eyes,
those that she never spoke.
And my heart would listen,
as my feelings would shiver in the cold.
Her eyes would read, ”Come, take me home.”
while her hands would refuse to touch my soul.
And my ears would ring to her words,
“Yes, I Love You.”

There was a certain magic in us,
even though I am not a magician.
There was a certain whisper from the Universe,
it secretly wanted us together.
But how could we, when we were playing the battle of Love?
A battle that saw no winner and the death of Love.
And my mouth would repeat her exact words,
“Yes, I Love You”

And, I Love Her.

...

-KD

One of the most pure emotional poems that I have ever written.

#love #feelings #words #eyes #smile #lips #me #she #emotions #us

Kapil Dutta Jan 2015

Life Hacking

It is when we hit the teen end, does the world follow the third law.
We get trapped in the beauty of fear, fear of falling behind.
We need a guarantee. A certificate will do that.
Lately, life fits into earning and burning of hard money.
What does the future hold? The great worry.
It's all about numbers, and they say 'us' can not be quantified.
What is this all about? Sit back and think.
Here life options serve as counting thin lines.
Where does the truth hold?
Wait for a novel to delta your philosophy or is your will a build of simplicity.
Chaos holds fear yet a win, but Simplicity my friend is the truth searched by the one hiding within.

Life Hacking is a way of living. Those who follow it might find themselves happy and at peace.
Its all about being in control.
You can be your own teacher, your own university.
Learn, not to earn but to understand.
And create, and innovate, and be different.
Have the courage to believe that you can change the world, because if not people like you, the modern society would not have existed.
You are the fuel to the engine that runs the world.
Don't waste it in being regular, Be Different.
Because, People who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world are the ones who do.
Hack your Life, Be the Change.

Explanation :
"It is when we hit the teen end, does the world follow the third law." :
The third law here is the third law of motion by Newton. It says,"Every action has an equal and opposite reaction". When we hit the teen years, our rebellious actions start giving a reaction with an equal force. We are pushed to start taking responsibilities and think about our future in depth.
"We get trapped in the beauty of fear, fear of falling behind." : As we start entering the real world, we start developing a fear. What if nothing works out? What if you fail to get a good job and live a stable life? Even the idea of it is scary. What if you fall behind everyone else in the race called Life?
"We need a guarantee. A certificate will do that." : Because we are so scared, we look for a guarantee that will ensure us a secure future. Thus, we work hard to get a University Education and score well in our exams so that we can get that certificate that can get us a good job.
"Lately, life fits into earning and burning of hard money." : In recent times, the meaning of life fits into earning and spending money. We now live a robotic life. Like machines, with no passion.
"What does the future hold? The great worry." : We constantly worry about what our future holds. To such extent that we forget to live our present.
"It's all about numbers, and they say 'us' can not be quantified. " :
Our life is all about numbers. When you are a student, its the marks that you score in your exams and when you are an adult, its the amount of money you earn from your work. Other times, its about your Blood Pressure or your cholesterol levels. Our life's are governed by numbers, even though most people say that you can not quantify the various aspects of us humans, like our emotions.
"Here life options serve as counting thin lines." : Imagine a series of very thin lines, now imagine counting them. It's not easy. Just like the numerous life options that you are given as a young adult to choose from.
"Wait for a novel to delta your philosophy or is your will a build of simplicity." : We are all stuck in this illusion created by us. Some of us escape it, after being struck by realizations that come as a result of reading some adventure novels. We read and watch people who live their lives to the fullest, and we envy them. We want to be them. "Someday..", we tell ourselves.
Do you want to wait for a novel or story of some one else to change the way you live your life right now? Or do you have the will to take the step forward on your own?
"Chaos holds fear yet a win, but Simplicity my friend is the truth searched by the one hiding within." : The system built by us is chaotic. We work tirelessly and compete with everyone else, to gain a superiority and achieve some success. Its chaotic, its appealing and it works. To some extent. But still we are not happy people.
Why? That is because, it is simplicity that we are looking for from inside.

The next few lines serve as a guild to help you hack your life, to find simplicity and peace. To have the courage to make decisions that don't look profitable at first, but always end in absolute satisfaction when you are on your death bed reflecting on your whole life.

Thank you for reading.
-KD.

#life #living #happiness #change #confusion #different #money #hacking #marks

Kapil Dutta Dec 2014

Happy Birthday, Princess

...

It’s been seventeen hours and twelve days, since we said our last goodbye.
Since you were gone, I told myself that I could move on.
All that I needed was, someone like you to love.
But how could I forget, these is nothing, and I have checked,
not-a-thing in this universe that can take your place.
Because, Princess, Nothing Compares To You.

It’s a long way that we have walked, why should I now believe that we should stop?
And I have walked. A Thousand Miles I Have Walked,
just to be that man who didn't want to lose you.
Perhaps The Fault was in me.
But, Princess, I Just Don’t Want To Lose You.

Remember then, when in the August Rush,
I Drew You, to show my love.
For I had a reason to change, to be the perfect fit for your checklist, and The Reason was you.
And then you replied, by walking away a few miles.
We knew that this ain't true love yet, but you said you would Stay With Me.
And, Princess, why didn't you stay with me?

And how I wished for you to wake me up when all this ends.
And you woke me up before September’s end,
While I was still in bed,
Hoping to wake up with Amnesia.
Because, Princess, I was not fine at all.
No, I’m really not fine at all.

And then I woke up with Amnesia on a rainy October eve,
since you were just beside me, and that's all I need.
But then you asked me to not feel needed.
You told me to not love you so much.
But how could I not, when I’m Only Human.
And, Princess, I’m only a human.

On the day - a year back - when he was, where I am,
You told me that you felt nothing,
Like the nothing that compares to you,
for me.
Without a stab, I felt pain.
Without a wound, my blood started to drain.
My chest was heavy and I knew my heart was beating in vain.
But, Princess, how could I Make You Feel Something That Your Heart Won’t?

All this time that I have spent in wait of meeting this date.
17 hours and 12 days ago, I have missed my train.
The day that means more to me than to you,
How could I Let Her Go?
So Lets Be The Life Of The Party,
And remember to walk further more. Together.
Because, Princess, Happy Birthday To You :).

P.S. I Will Always Love You.

...

- Inspired by our songs. KD.

The words in Camel Case refer to our songs.
We stopped talking 12 days before her birthday, thus this poem.
Hope you liked it :).

#love #happy #songs #birthday #princess

Kapil Dutta Nov 2014

The One

"The only thing
that I don't like
about this world
is the fact that
You & I
exist in two separate bodies
when we could easily live
in just One."

- KD || The One

Follow me on Instagram for more such quotes : @duttakapil

#love #theone #youandi