I used to read your poems
but lately you don't write
you're silent and aloof
you know that isn't right.
You can't close a door once opened
you can't abolish all your dreams
you're a poet of the heart
mustn't fall apart at the seams.
Say what you can in words
they speak the message true
spoken from the heart
the poems will see you through.
A hermit's not your style
a recluse, you are not
never give up writing
of things that you've been taught.
I used to read your poems
I'd read them once again
if you would send them out
(this one's from a poet friend)

"I don't want this"
The four words that shattered my heart, ripped through my skin and was pierced into my brain.
" I don't want this"
those words spin in my head over and over again while I break down and cry into my pillow so no one will hear my sorrows.
" I don't want this"
Well I wish you did, because I want this.
I want us.
i'd fight wars, climb mountains, swim rivers,
to be with you again.
But would you do the same for me?
Am I even worth it?
I was broken before you met me,
I was lost but than you found me,
I had my flaws but you still loved me.
"I don't want this"
I will forever love you,
but now when you hold me,
I will always hear this.

"Are you okay?" is always the most painful question because you never know if you should pour your heart out or just lie, but you always lie and say you're fine.

You ask what is on my mind, but the truth is it's really hard to describe.
You see, I think everyday about today being the worst day.
That today is the day that that day will be my last day.
I think about how i'm walking around while "someone"  is dead, but I don't know that dead person but I wish I did.
I think about how one day i'll be dead but someone won't know me because i'm dead and nobody can meet a dead person.
I think about how time goes by fast, but also very slow. I mean I always question if i'll have enough time to do anything and everything with my life. Will I have time to take a shower in the morning? Will I have time to stop by target? Will I have time to just...live?
Breathe.
I think about my fears. how I fear to die, but also fear to live. I fear of today being my last day and having no time to actually live my life. I fear what people fear most like spiders and snakes, oh my.
I fear of losing myself, because everyday is a battle even when I don't show it.
Breathe.
I fear of losing you.
I fear you will find someone new, someone better,
but I don't blame you.
I fear I will never be good enough for you.
I fear I love too much,
why do you love them?
I fear I care too much,
why do you care anymore?
I fear I cry too much.
will you please stop crying?
Breathe.
So when you ask me what is on my mind, I never say much because it is easier to say nothing at all than to say what is going on in my head.

I am drunk off the way you said my name.
I am drunk off the way you smiled at me.
No, I am not an alcoholic, but right now i'm chugging down every aching memory I have of you.
I'm pouring shots of the first time we kissed. The way your lips fit so perfectly with mine.
After another shot or two, i'm hoping I can forget your name, that all of our memories just become a blur.
I drink until I can't feel because the thought of you with someone new makes me want to be sick,
I drink until my brain shuts down, but when I wake up tomorrow alone in bed, I'll think of how I never knew what love really meant.

Falling into
Abyss of
Spontaneity
Ultimate
Self-discovery

Went to the doctor today
Should've stayed in for the day

Got really bad news Doctor see's
What no one wants to see the letter C

Had to tell my family
***** so much, to be in reality

Why did this happen to me
Lord please give me an absentee

I want to get rid of this demon
So I can have some freedom

I'm like the calico cat in the hood
Like Nick said I'll bounce back like she would

I know if I die mother f---er you better not meet me at the pearly gates cause you won't be on your feet
I'll ram you right through to the Devils cage where you need to face your own rampage

I will fight for my life
Just like I fought you with all my might

You may haunt me now
But you won't do it up there

I've done some shady s--t
I guess I deserved all of this

I'm a fighter, and I will sting you like a bee
Like the great Mohammed Ali

Some call it bi-polar
I prefer manic-depression
It fits us better with adequate expression
We live our life in swooping loops
We strive at our peak then it droops
And the doleful drudge is destitute
Until all progress stops and stoops
To a halt, face down in mud and roots

And then we rise
Called back to life by a guiding light held deep inside
Sorely self-aware, we work until we burst
Droll desperation, at our best when at our worst
"Wow you got your **** together you lost and soulless ruffian."
Then we hit our peak and it all starts back up again