do you ever get in one of those moods where you just want to punch holes in the walls to match the sizes of the ones in your chest and you want to scream until your vocal chords burn as intensely as your longing to be anywhere but here and your eyes will not stop allowing your emotions to flow from your tear ducts and you are so broken and you cannot seem to fix yourself no matter how hard you try yet you have to just shove the tightness in your throat away and pretend like you are okay and I just don’t know how to do this anymore

I tried water
wading, floating, drowning
the pooling and spilling of years
immersed myself holy
deeply to find the fear
dark in the deep end
the coming home to soul
the pain of it all
unknowingly I'd slept
heart wrecked
frozen in fear
unwilling to look
until there was
no other choice
until one day discovering
hidden truths beyond
my darkest void.

love is too small
of a word,
I fill my tongue with
a billion versions of that word,

to try wrapping kite string
around the sun , no bits of sound
will do justice to the tiny earthquakes

that run through my body when I see your face or
think your name

Consumed by a life
    She couldn't handle anymore
          Ashamed by desires
       Too desperate to score
               It's just too addicting
   She wants nothing more
Watching everything she loves
            Walk out the door
    Finds money where she can
         But still living life poor
          Too smart to get too involved
     And too dumb to ignore it
             She don't even care
      They all call her a *****
Now thinking, as she sees the knife
           This isn't what she prepared for
    But with a little thought, she knows  
It's what she's always had in store
              As she lays, bleeding out
     On her ****** kitchen floor