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Jul 2019 · 300
{ rearview sentiments}
shåi Jul 2019
from binkies to blunts
i watched my world change
around me
like little watercolor swirls
dancing in the sky of my memories

from binkies to blunts
swingsets and playpens
seemed ever so distant
in the rearview of childhood

we traded barbie dolls
into ***** bottles
wondering why
smile lines
seemed so hard to come by

we had always missed the times
when things came easy;
naturally (almost).

from carousels to learning
how *** sells
we began to draw parallels
of who we are and what we should be
the definition of me
never seemed to have
the stability
i had long to see
ever so constantly

from closet doors to liquor stores
feelings became trapped
in the constellations of thoughts
instead of the web of words

i wish to go back
(sometimes)
to the days
with the little teacups
filled with the tinkles
of warmth and laughs
of bliss past.
its been a while ... freed myself from the chain of my thoughts only to find myself at this hour with a sudden need to write- all in one take, no edits
Jan 2019 · 90
the noisy darkness
shåi Jan 2019
i feel my walls
closing
like elevator doors

clattering about
the deafening silence

the pressure
an ever pumping
vessel
the heart
wanting more

it was always about wanting more
never a little less
pressure
crashing against my mind

like waves

i felt
like a tiny lil mouse
enclosed in
the shoebox of my mind

wondering
with time
whether i could
really see the light

i was trapped in the maze
of my own consciousness
the puzzle pieces
never really felt complete

i doused
myself in the water
of my own thoughts
hoping to feel sane

i was like
a little guinea pig
on a wheel
churning monotoniously

such dreary remedies

the elevator door
is closing behind me
the pain subsides
keeping my mind
gently at bay
Nov 2018 · 164
^streetside remedies^
shåi Nov 2018
shot after shot
i let myself
slip from reality

as i traded shotglasses
into trips down
to the local liquor store

liquid happiness
turned into liquid sadness
as i wondered if
i could feel such tranquilities

ever again

i used my
liquid sins
to build houses
of velvet in my head

i thought i could
make the little
fires of pain
just go away

i strolled down
the streets of memory
hoping i could find
solace before the daybreak

the adrenaline rush
seemed to be all i needed
just a little something
to feel nothing....


(shai)
Oct 2018 · 142
eggshells (a haiku)
shåi Oct 2018
i feel like i am
hanging merely on eggshells
cracking at my feet

yellow yokes like the sun
dance crazily at the scene
a mixture asunder

the painful outsides
like shards of glass in my fingers
tear me apart

i feel like i am
walking on eggshells till i fall
into arms unknown

(shai)
its been a while
Jun 2018 · 394
grecian goddesses
shåi Jun 2018
the sleek
cool marble
chills run
down
the stone
delineations
and curvatures
of fine hands
and legs
white and pure

her eyes
blue
a fountain of youth
i wish i could bathe in it
forever

her blank gaze
from vacant
rolling ball
sockets
falls dreamlessly
into the oblivion

tinkles of music
hum and drone
noiselessly
like spoons
clattering to
the unforgiving ground

her cold heart
exposed
as she reclines,
back arched
ever so slightly

she is without
her soul and mind
the marble
her master
keeps her confined-
her own timeless paradigm
a late night release...
May 2018 · 441
fire princess
shåi May 2018
flashing red
crazy eyes
her eyes
mirror her feets

like soft charcoals
hitting the refreshing ground

pebbles tap the
soil quietly
a running oasis

her garments
sweep the floor
like steam

the face
pale as the invisible air
honeykissed by the dew
of the silent nighttime

i wish to touch her
be one with her warmth
but yet
she leaves my reach
drifting like
fireworks in the dark

her mind
enlightens me
as the candle dim
i would kiss her every thought

her voice
tinkling chimes
recourse through
my being
with her i am forever home
(shåi)
i have returned from the depths of my mind
Mar 2018 · 241
aquatic angel
shåi Mar 2018
the woman walks
upon the
water

across to me,
hands in my reach

her hair shines radiant
as the beaming sun;
memorable, her wispy lines

her eyes
glimmer
against  
the reflective light

her world falls
on and on
her endless demise
(shåi)
from a passing dream...
Mar 2018 · 1.1k
mixed signals?¿
shåi Mar 2018
red
yellow
green

the lights flash
dully

on the quiet serenity of
the streets

the sea
of darkness on the
midnight scene

sad eyes
hide amongst the trees
waiting

those eyes
do not draw attention

they seek no gratification

they wish
to be forgotten under
those forsaken willows

these pale
sad spheres
brighten one time
a day

age will come
their time will
fade

they sing souless
songs
like lost silver lilies
in the koi ponds

red
yellow
green

another day dawns again
no hope no more feelings
a troubled world
remains until the very end
(shåi)
confusion
Jan 2018 · 323
tied down mind
shåi Jan 2018
mind tied
like two lines
shoelaces
twisted and knots
straight like the cigarette
and ******* lines
snorted up the nose
into the brain
of such detached minds
the pain they hide
comes up to the surface
bubbling like liquid acetate
they have accepted
their inevitable fate
it is all but too late
to save the hearts
of those who
remain
*loveless
thank you so much for the reception on my last poem :)
Jan 2018 · 2.3k
love guillotine
shåi Jan 2018
click click*

i was bound to your
love
like chains on
a dead corpse

you held the gun
to my forehead
as i adoringly
fell in love with you

so hypnotised
drawn by your
kisses
my invitation

(shåi)
Jan 2018 · 268
teenage fantasia*
shåi Jan 2018
the sun
in its ineffable
glow

casted a effortless shadow

crackle pop
goes the background
of the summertime scene

two lovers
both alike in mind
were now perfectly
aligned

they were spitting
reflections
(a living mime)
become whole

their love
was beauty

in which

beauty had been
their love

a tragic downfall
of souls so similar
could be hardly described

in words too little

and

too late

(shåi)
i am now shai, child of the light
Dec 2017 · 415
silly string
shåi Dec 2017
i wove
my thoughts
of you
like vibrant yarn

turned every
slight feeling
into
something lovely

this tapestry,
complete in
its imperfections
displayed my love

but,

as i sew
yarn gets tangled
in its own web

i wait and ponder
as i hope to feel your
beauty again
will i ever feel your beauty again?
i am back
Nov 2017 · 211
amazonia
shåi Nov 2017
so much to say
dont know where to start
under the tangled sheets,
i will learn to breathe
and finally walk

time slows
leaves fall
the cool mist
against
my living skin

my veins
a rainforest
just itching to
come alive
at your warm touch

blood boils
like natural
hot springs
pleasure,
its own serene illusion

i freefall
frozen in time
like little porcelain angels
of the night
tumbling as season change
(b.d.s.)
Oct 2017 · 400
inner devil
shåi Oct 2017
her soft lips
were my pillows
to keep me safe
cushions of
the night

her eyes pull me in
ever so alluring
enchant me
lost forever in her
changing world

im the words she wishes
to write
i am the pain she feels at night
alone in the light

i am the melodies
she wishes to hear
the love she wishes to
feel
the lust her heart
keeps
the infatuations
she seeks

i am the daydream
she live in
i am her alternate realities
she creates
i am the thing she wishes
to have
and the ones she never had

(b.d.s.)
Oct 2017 · 187
life rewind*
shåi Oct 2017
you drain all my energy
the light in my eyes
watch me bleed
as my cheeks fade

forgotten dreams
fills my despairing corpse
with unending pain

you drain all my energy
life flashes before me
moments pass
rose petals fall

tick tock
goes the clock
as the time says too late

your love has me
on my knees
my bitter dream
defuses the life from me
(b.d.s.)
Oct 2017 · 221
'stupidity'
shåi Oct 2017
i feel stupid
when i am around you
you bring the bad out of me
and the carelessness

i feel stupid
the way i miss
your fingers on my skin
oh, the sensation

i become stupid
when i cant forget
about you

i am stupid
since i cant
forget the pain
you made me feel

i am stupid
knowing you
have pulled the blindfold
over my eyes

i feel stupid
as you bring
delusions of love
to calm me

i let you
make me feel stupid
as i forgot what
true love is like

i need to be
loved right
because the pain
can hardly hold me anymore
(b.d.s.)
Sep 2017 · 251
tale of two tragedies
shåi Sep 2017
ultraviolet waves
across my face
as you stare at mine,
a feeling that i have always
longed for

translucent serenity
set me free again
my denial runs through
my veins
keeps me from desire

eternities wasted
waiting and wondering
did i do what was right
or is it too late?
(b.d.s.)
Sep 2017 · 693
a sticky situation
shåi Sep 2017
his words
clung to me
as if it was

sticky maple syrup

i loved the
way he
mixed his words and

sentences

and
the way they blended so
effortlessly

i loved
the warmth
his syrup drew

the slight hint of happiness
in his words

his word-filled
syrup
used to be my rarity

before it had
become my continuity


(b.d.s.)
Sep 2017 · 302
{loveless voodoo dolls}
shåi Sep 2017
long ago,
we used to play in
your paper houses
we were like
cardboard figures
molded complementary
to each other's wildest desires
long ago,
we lived in
paper town
where our world
was changed forever
by the tiny flame
of our hearts
illuminated by the promise
of dreams lived
once a time ago,
we loved
in these paper towns
like never before
set reality ablaze
with our passion
we were
cardboard dolls
with life
little gingerbread beauties
in the light
(b.d.s.)
Aug 2017 · 246
little lovelights
shåi Aug 2017
we are
born from
love

and from
love
we are born

love is
part of who
we are

that is
why we
dont stop

to seek it

this world
corrupts
our beautiful
idea of love

it is up
to us
to find love again

amidst the darkness
Aug 2017 · 345
silky skin tones
shåi Aug 2017
my tan warm
brown skin
child of the earth
with its deliberate undertones

from birth,
it had been something
i had grown to love,
to adore,
all with its imperfections

growing up,
i realized something i had adored
some despised with their inner being
a threat that they
had grown accustomed to hate

they did not understand
the gentle, quiet beauty
of this delicate covering
how calm it was

they feared what
they could not understand
like a child
afraid of the darkness
and what it hides

ignorance was their
bliss
but sometimes
knowing what is not meant
to be known

can bring undesired presumptions

they taught me not
to love
my perfection
as my flaw was
now the world's spectacle

delineations strawn
like wispy lines in
the tumbling sand
of my skin

imaginary concepts
with such flawed
meanings
of destroyed beauty
i lost a part of myself
while growing up
that i could never get back

something this world cannot ever back to me...

education was meant
to be the answers of
the questions
of our own
incoherent thoughts
but,
it fed me
knowledge that attacked my innocence

this dreary
hateful world
took my spirit
and my soul
away from my rotting body

my spirit is broken
and i can hardly tell
if i am human anymore

i rather just
live in stupidity
like a sheep following its master
my perfect fool paradise

those who are fools
remain fools
if they do not learn
otherwise,
or if they do not know the
true state of their
unfathomable condition

(b.d.s.)
i am back
Jul 2017 · 424
bathtime remedies;
shåi Jul 2017
little rubber ducky,
with your wailing shrieks
of tiny squeaks
erupt out of me
like
a coven of mice
gasping for air

i am like you
little rubber ducky
soundlessly musing
about,
ignored by the world

the water ricohets
around me
surrounding me
a translucent trove --
my dark chasm

i am like you
little rubber ducky,
stuck in my little white bowl
air ****** out of me --
a body that never felt
whole
(b.d.s.)
i am here
May 2017 · 392
• loveless curse •
shåi May 2017
i love you
even when the life is being
****** out of my body
torn apart is my flesh
i will love you
until the drops of existence
falls from my whites of my eyes
sloppy egg yolks of pupils
dripping away from my body
i will love you
even when my spirit leaves
my body
you, being my last sight
my eyes will ever lay upon
it is much too late now
i love you
to the point of you being my
own poison
(b.d.s.)
May 2017 · 458
gingerbread houses
shåi May 2017
she tastes like cinnamon gum
i want to inhale her smell
honey,
you are sweeter than before

she smells like cherry pie
her sharp breath
against my red
lipstick

her green eyes
like gumdrops
on a hot summer day

she is my gingerbread
fantasy
warm to my touch

(b.d.s.)
May 2017 · 354
¿where did you go?
shåi May 2017
you kiss my forehead
to tell me that
everything will be okay
but im not sure

you have become my
security blanket
a person to rely on
a place to put my feelings on
its too late

i dont think i can stay away
the connection
unlike any before
why does all good
things have to be so

******* bad?

what if i dont want it to be bad?

what if i can make things right?

what if i dont want my fantasies to remain a distant dream?

im tired of
being good
i want to be yours
i know,
dreams are fools talk
gibberish that spills from their months
but maybe i want to be love's idiot....

ive resisted so much
you are my every desire
my every thought
my secret obsession
that i dont think i want to go away
anytime soon.....

(b.d.s.)
May 2017 · 621
{the third eye}
shåi May 2017
eyes rolling
about in their sockets
like bowling *****
rolling,
rolling
meadering through
such vivid hallucinations
what is truly real
may hardly exist at all
scenes created
the obstructive pins
of our lives
(b.d.s.)
May 2017 · 512
cohesive footnotes
shåi May 2017
language has become
fool's talk
we gibber and gabber
to prove unimportant points
we speak
to disturb the silence of the world
we write
irrelevant symbols
to tell stories
untold
we wish
to make noise
for the simple
desire
to be heard

(b.d.s.)
May 2017 · 965
the sahara-
shåi May 2017
the lion stands proud
on the edge of the abyss
with its increasing prowess
it is never the same

its flaws
infect
an unwritten tapestry
waiting to be written

sinew woven
delicately
in his hard eyes
a pain of the past

( b.d.s.)
May 2017 · 2.1k
koi ponds +
shåi May 2017
the stream
lies ever so calmly
gently rippling with the wind

the wind
echoes and howls
a point of no return

pink beauty,
will you ever
return to me again?

(b.d.s.)
May 2017 · 997
annie, go get your gun!
shåi May 2017
i stand trembling,
as i hold a gun
to the forehead
of my fears
grasp unsteady-
breathing calm
waiting and waiting
each precious second
as it slips away

a mirror
appears
a cloak of safety, so clear
i am not human

my reflection
dares me to shoot
teases me with
its echoing laughter
its voice tantalizes
me
it knows i am weak
it chuckles because
it knows my
every move

forever
its servant of image
reputation and impurity
meek and humble
like a mouse

i cant do it
i let the gun slip
from my hands
my clumsy doing


i am the girl
who cried wolf
into the darkness
i was only screaming

about the wolf of my own thoughts.
May 2017 · 1.0k
> salt water dreams <
shåi May 2017
i lie on
the beach
the sand
my bed of desires
against the beating sun

the gentle current
sprays diamonds
upon my *****,
dead body
baptizing me in
the land i had once came

i have no destination,
native of no land,
human of no name-
the earth's
eternal lover

swept into
the aqua blue
turbulent waves-
two lovers
dancing in moonlight

the world watches on
piercing eyes
gaze on
as i fall gracefully
to the depths
of my inevitable demise

(b.d.s.)
May 2017 · 396
reflected love
shåi May 2017
her blood
drips lines of poetry
how she never saw how much she meant to me

her blood
drips lines of poetry
right beneath the shards
of shredded glass next to me

the fat sulking raindrops
of red soaks me
will she ever finally love me?

her blood drips
lines of poetry
i dont think ill ever
be so complete

(b.d.s.)
Apr 2017 · 398
•industrial impurities•
shåi Apr 2017
the oil machine
whirs, stirs
as naked, *****
lust filled bodies
turn
on bedsides
pleasure
in their spiritless
behinds
oil seeps,
a lethal snake-
pain these bodies
cannot take
as it runs through their
pulsing veins
immaculate temples
stripped by the stars
of the night
their delicate beauty, marred
snatched lotus flowers
crushed in the hands
of affection
oil drips
from dark hearts
broken cities
of love
forgotten, abandoned
its architect-reality
a tale of two worlds

(b.d.s.)
Apr 2017 · 850
[the skin i live in]
shåi Apr 2017
my body
covered like ivory
richest of all man's desires
a disarray of
such wet dreams

my skin
delicately with
each fold and crease
a mark of unfathomable
beauty

my lips
love back
harder than any love
you give
like a silent
symphony,
whispering

my voice
speaks in the tongue of love
its native language
and only one its
ever known

my face
a ornate mask
i can be any
fantasy,
just for you, baby

my eyes
embezzled jewels
construed upon
a woeful heart

hands
hard as nails
cared for like
a trough of crystals

forever yours
so effortlessly,
unknowingly,
*i have lost my true humanity.
i wrote this poem after a movie entitled the skin i live in
Apr 2017 · 999
~liquid dreams~
shåi Apr 2017
her mind
wove assorted ornaments
          of vivid hues

each stitch
      an alternate reality
a story she wished she knew

her view,
a distant spectacle--
a casual onlooker
upon the lovely scene

emotions spin
      making its own ball of yarn
a tight knot forms

she is
her own
great nightmare

distorted reflections
grimace in horror
                her own doing

a black sea
bubbles and gurgles
liquifying sensual sins

beauty hides
the facade
         of her own madness

(b.d.s.)
Apr 2017 · 774
-distraction- (acrostic)
shåi Apr 2017
damsels
in
solitude
terrified, wait
restlessly
as
cheating husbands
turn
in
others' bed
now under the midnight sky
(b.d.s.)
im working to get better at this poem style!!
Apr 2017 · 485
spilled ink (acrostic)
shåi Apr 2017
students
pop
indispendable
liquids as
lives become
expendable,
desperately
in an attempt
now
killed

(b.d.s.)
this is different than most poems i have written.. i havent written an acrostic in many years!!
Apr 2017 · 447
(web of hands)
shåi Apr 2017
hands.*
each a set of
5 fingers
a personal spider web
links us to the world
the delicate curvature
effortlessly bends and twists
like a winding road
stretching on and on
hands outstretched
like an eagle in flight, soaring
helping/loving/achieving
but also;
hurting/hating/ failing
each line
drawn on our palms
so haphazardly
by its calculated artist
our perfect imperfection
such lovely flaws,
bind us to our
faithful predestination
our bodies-
a lost compass, searching
our minds-
a wanderlust dreamer, waiting
for love,
our perfect traveler

(b.d.s.)
this poem i tried out a different form than what i was used to
Apr 2017 · 1.0k
sunset bliss
shåi Apr 2017
there is a girl
who's dark skin glistened
like stars in the night

her eyes
flash crazy
like the dazed sun

she craves attention
and love
feelings strong-
a hungry wolf inside a docile sheep

she wants to be understood---
heard--
loved upon-

her expressions like
sand
ever changing
in the turbulent wind

her hair cascades
on her back
like a sea of
fluttering moths

she seeks to please
such self-sufficient desires
what shall be her remedy?

her eyes remain
hollow
like gaping wounds-
a scab undone

her forehead,
a canvas of ash

a dark horse
of old
conceal a heart
of time's own

she is empty
in soul
her body
a pristine cat

she wishes to please
but how can she?
if she remains
the servant of her past

(b.d.s.)
Apr 2017 · 859
/stanzas of silver/
shåi Apr 2017
a poet
acts as a mirror,
an instrument
to cast
a translucent reflection
not one's own sentiment
but upon
the kaleidosopic realities
of the world

(b.d.s.)
be the light you want to see...
Apr 2017 · 546
-/
shåi Apr 2017
-/
love falls
as fast as
bread crumbs
quickly escaping
a dinner table

love quickly
ends as soon
as it begins
they end with
an inaudible thud

as our hearts break as
it hits the unforgiving pavement


i guess it can be seen
as some sort
of experiment
that is left uncontrolled
foreign & unknown

it seeps
through our veins
it invades our organs
eats our souls

destroys our bodies

it is our silent killer
destroying us by
making us feel whole
happy easter everyone!!
Apr 2017 · 868
the golden egg
shåi Apr 2017
which came first,
the chicken or the egg?
a century old question
with no forthright answer

the chicken,
whose regal presence
defines
the world is his abyss

the egg
in meek stature
remains a gift
to its ceasing world

the chicken stands proud
a surefire bet
the world-
its audience

the egg
afraid of itself
the world-
its personality court

all the world is a stage
every saying- a game
you know how the story goes,
the chicken never gains

(b.d.s.)
happy easter!this poem is drastically different from what i write so leave me comments of how you interpret this poem
Apr 2017 · 816
{curvaceous limitations}
shåi Apr 2017
roads once
traveled so frequently
lay empty
in the midnight scene

winds
of unknown lands
once swept
through once
fufilled hearts

exotic creatures
perambulate hearts
of the weary

succulent leaves
rustle gently-
perusing untimely
futures

the road stretches on
under
the expectant gaze
of the scolding sun

(b.d.s.)
the poem was inspired by the curved roads of route 66,  the green forests of asia and roaming animals of africa.. we are the world's keeper..
Apr 2017 · 951
lost identity
shåi Apr 2017
'what do you
want to be when
you grow up?'

'what do you plan
to do with your life?'

'you can't make money
doing
that....'

this age old question
acts as
the intersection
between dreams
and reality

people ask this question
and i am rendered speechless
a voice lost in the
howling wind of promise

their piercing,
expectant gaze
like paparazzi
cameras

i put on a mask
my own shadows
loom in the night

'oh maybe,
i'll be a nurse
or a pharmacist'

i am safe
as warm approving
nods beckon

'oh i want to be
a writer'

nods turn
to disfavor
like a star
falling out of the sky

when has
authentic happiness
become a servant
to dishonest disinterest?
(b.d.s.)
follow your dreams
Apr 2017 · 620
{rosy fantasies}
shåi Apr 2017
the moon is pink
a hallucination 
of spring-time beauties-
forever serenade my soul

the moon
with its lovely
lavender & white hues
adored like a bouquet of roses

it was my illusion,
a dreamer's fantasy
my lamb in the
darkness

it served as a guide
in a world
without much beauty-
enveloped in madness

the stars
gather around
like angels on a
distant heaven on earth

my dream
had only been
an accidentally
fatal glance

the moon could
never be pink
just a myth
i tried desperately

to believe

(b.d.s.)
this poem was written from inspiration of the 'pink moon'that occurred on april 11th
Apr 2017 · 739
clandestine velveteen
shåi Apr 2017
burgundy velvet
a mixture of fabrics' fine--
dreams of our realm

its trail of red wine
like blood trickling on fine lace
chaos at its helm

a love not of haste
but with intentions in mind
beauty overwhelms

(b.d.s.)
i have been experimenting with haiku structure as it is one of my weaknesses
Apr 2017 · 269
shåi Apr 2017
life goes on
forever unchanging
a cycle never broken

people go on
carrying the same
broken, lust filled hearts

always searching for love
in all the wrong places

we break
and we decay
an inevitable process

sad eyes
discreet
among naked bodies
lying in ***** sheets

star-crossed lovers
drunk on wishful
thinking

we age
as we look for a
path that never really exist

we disintegrate
as our bodies
consumed by
desolate figures

our solace
in euphoric
entities

(b.d.s.)
sotp: emanate // phoria
Apr 2017 · 773
unconceited love
shåi Apr 2017
love is no longer
in words
unspoken desires
behind concrete statements

i talk to you
in the quiet nights
as if i was the
child of darkness

but you were my light

all ive ever known
is the darkness of love
born in its nothingness
my pen like a guide

let me feel again
i wanna love you
like i should
you deserve the best

and i want you to know that

you are my everything
and my anything
making me drift
into my fantasies
(b.d.s.)
sotp:most of all // jmsn
Apr 2017 · 416
midnight waves
shåi Apr 2017
the tide rises
as love falls
timeless
and effortless

the tide falls
as desires endure
like diamonds-
resting gently on the shore

the tide surges
as lust tumbles
like a berating beast
its emotions bubble

the sea
like colorless crystals
gnaw with ardor
the skin of intimacy

the tide cascades
as love burns
a feeling once constant--
chastised forevermore

(b.d.s.)
pillaje // jmsn
Apr 2017 · 735
sounds of nature
shåi Apr 2017
one with the riptide
the wilderness like her muse,
docile like a doe

rolling waves pull her in
her hair, swept like the rippling current,
its embrace against the moon

(b.d.s.)
im very proud how this haiku turned out
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