i'm just feeling a little
indifferent
at this profound amount of
ambivalence
but i swear love you so much it's completely
ridiculous
it's like time slows down and then i become
limitless

I wanted to tell you
that I'm sorry I almost crashed your car
I guess that's just what happens when you're
sixteen and dumb

I wanted to tell you
that I'm sorry I drank all your *****,
and didn't call you back
I guess that's what happens when you're
sixteen and numb

I wanted to tell you
that I'm sorry I can't remember
the words you said to me before you left
I guess that's what happens with you're
sixteen and young

i've never loved a pair of blue eyes
just seas of green and everything in between

i've never been a part of something larger
just floating around in an endless harbor

i've never laughed with such conviction
accompanied with the feeling of a bare existence

i've never chosen to be loved so easily
but with you it comes so peacefully

this life i've orchestrated
is left dangling in these
unwashed hands of mine
the waves of time
are swimming in sorrow
and the waves of time
are running out
it's like i'm missing the punchline
to the joke
and the punchline is
that you aren't coming back
when will we realize that we
aren't really here
for a reason?
we are only here to exist
we are like god's paper dolls:
getting dressed up to impress no one
getting depressed to appeal to no one
when you are too busy falling in love to
comprehend this,
the lines become blurred
the universe becomes intrusive,
and you are immersed in mercy
smeared in the sanity
that you can't even grasp
then suddenly
the waves of time
knock your feet
right from underneath you
and you



drown.

let me crack open your already fractured skull,
and clean up the mess inside
these nimble fingers of mine
ache to be laced within yours
and i let me tear
the pages of a broken childhood
from your family photo albums
so we can write a new story
of kissing all the boo boos
and searching for the monsters under your bed
we can take the flashlights
out behind the rows of pine trees at night
and let me make shadow puppets of a life reimagined  
there's a breeze that flows
through the familiarity of this feeling
you can find it in the kitchen sink,
this shattered old bathroom mirror,
and a living room that never really felt alive
they don't matter anymore
and it's as if you never even lived here at all
and the boy stands in front of me
in the shadows of a second life
with a fractured skull and menthol breath
stringed with words that roll off his tongue
like barbed wire
because you don't even know yourself
and you're a fighting for a chance
at a life worth living
but these things will pass -
in and out of a melancholy mind of yours
while i remain on the bedroom floor
of the house you spent years trying to escape
cleaning up the mess inside your head

I grieve for humanity
Because my own may harden
I grieve for justice
Because war knows no pardon
I grieve for courage
Because with fear we may govern
I grieve for children
Because a fire burns in their garden