what he did
two or so years ago
it has messed me up
oh, yes it has
i see no worth in my body
i see an object
a doll

i've fetishized my own fear
oh, god i want to fear you
make me afraid, afraid, afraid
because that's how *** is supposed to be
right?
right?
right?
i'm not supposed to like it
i'm supposed to be in pain
right?

i've fetishized my own fear
that stockholm-syndrome feeling
it wraps its hands around my throat
take my breath
i want to black out
i want to black out

am i ok?
am i ok?
am i ok?
my brain has blended lust and fear
they are the same
i have fetishized my fear

hellbent on slaughtering
the devils at my door
held an exorcism
so they can't hurt me anymore
mouthful of sin
the father has me on my knees
because i won’t pray for him
i owe him no apologies
i’m not your disciple
i fear no god
i won’t follow blindly
the pious lies that i’ve been told

you pushed me into the pits of hell
and expected me
to be able to climb back out

perhaps
this is mother earth
killing us off
before we **** her

he ripped the words from my throat
he locked them away
in a box that he calls a 'coffin'
he dug a pit
and buried them six-feet-under
next to the
grave where my innocence lay