some days are spent writing poetry
and others are a sum of passed hours
that you wished you could remember what words were for
and the person you used to be before
the fear set in
before you learned how to spell disappointment
some times i lay in the field
and try to replay those nameless songs
we all sang during childhood
some times i can hear a few lines
there is a tune i learned only a year ago
that has you in every chord
i think i listen to it too often
maybe not often enough
decisions look like a candle's flame
and i don't know how to still a subject
last tuesday i might have felt at peace
but then i thought i saw another piece of the puzzle
so i started to rescramble the letters
you said that i look brighter lately
but you haven't seen me in days
i'm having trouble keeping my bulbs clean
i'm having trouble seeing where this is going
i can hear you in that silly piano theme
saying something like 'you never really have to worry
you only have to watch'
some days i like to see the rainstorms
but some of the time the wind is too loud
some days i think i can only be myself sometimes
but you never thought that was true

i’m glad.
i’m sorry.
me too.
i’ve known.
i didn’t.
you don’t have to.
maybe I shouldn’t-

stand with me on the outskirts of terranea
watch the waves mount higher and higher
like the passion of a crowd, crying out at indignation
watch the moon get brighter
let's sing the crescendo con anima
let's mean every word
write poetry along my veins
spell conviction with your soul
i want your toes to dance sincerity
and i want mine to know the same rhythm
walk two steps into the shore line and hold my hand
let's let our socks turn heavy with water
and our feet sink into the sand
they say "grow where you're planted"
we'll show them how to grow under waves
stand with your back straight
follow my eyes down the anciently paved roads
across letters stamped with dust

i stretch out my hand with the intention of holding what is there
whatever scars and ***** fingernails
im searching for a pulse
your pulse
im counting breaths for our turn to jump

swim
kick out your feet and grab water like stone
don't wait for me
we are both moving across the same line
follow the stream of the moon
know that we both reflect too
you, me and i, you
we have forgotten fear
we have made bridges with ideas
we have sang choruses in harmony

stand with me
on the outskirts of terranea
in space that you can not see anymore
we will be there
together
make your feet sore with walking
we are both going to the same places.

the shrubbery looked like sheep
pale like your grandmother before she died
and I climbed though the hills to find you
but this is not your country, this is not your land
the tires shook like trembling hands and we made eye contact through the fog,
signed our names in the mud,
splintered out hands on telephone poles,
replaced our veins for the roots of weeds
said they look about the same,
the waves looked tamed,
I think we'll make out okay.
then I started running, crushing yellow toys under my toes
and you chased after me,
bringing an east dust
that we inhaled like like smoke
and exhaled in a kiss.
we followed the spill in the floorboards
and held eyes
we wet our fingertips like paintbrushes
and stroked 'I love you' 'cross our noses.
you made stories of the dead leaf branches,
told me they were only clouds
but I mistook that for clowns
and I laughed over my shoulder.
you caught me as I fell
and so we fell together
into our favorite weather
soaked our clothes in promises we don't worry about keeping
they will keep themselves
and I'll keep you
here in the tangles of my scarf
in the pictures of my mind
and in the smiles that we breathe.
I traded oxygen for this
and I have never breathed easier,
I have never trusted better,
I have never known this color.
dawn comes with black lids and dimmed stars,
we head home with lightbulb hearts.

you make me smile like maple syrup does kindergardeners on a saturday morning
and i don't mind if my fingers get sticky
lets mold cake batter into whatever shape the clouds make
and lets watch them both change in the wind and under our forks
we've been drinking too much coffee
and letting worries get the best of us
relax a little and lets drink orange juice like children
and fill our bodies with nutrients not caffeine
you know, energy is energy
and i'm pretty sure you're the best thing for me
lets make music with empty pots and wooden spoons
and at the same time, we'll let the toast  burn
because music is music and bread has always been
but i never liked the taste of chance until you came along singing,
"look at the crumbs that crumble in the the folds of my clothes and how they fall so gracefully"
let's fall together grace or no graces we could be a bowl of cereal turned over
and you know i never minded
just how much mess there was to mop up later on
this is breakfast
this is the first day
and i only care that i am sitting next to you.

I've been in a lavender melancholy
and I think my bones are the bows of violins
to some symphony my heart plays
that I'm not sure who conducts.
and through a humming night,
I've been watching you swim
that hue in the sky,
the grapefruit pink making lines across your arms.
you know, I've got my money on this shadow.
I can see it pointing west
and to the way you you try to breathe me,
up and out of the willows,
patient as I winnow these thoughts.
you smile at me staring at the soft prints of pink.
I've been waiting for a dawn,
been waiting for the colors to change.
that bed of stars is fading,
well, we'll see 'em next year.
we're under a lavender sunrise
and there's a serenade the leaves create,
there's a harmony our hearts can make.

one
tossing and turning in my sheets
I woke you up
just to tell you to sleep
now i'm waking up sorry,  
waking up wishing,
I knew how to carry myself
on those long restless nights.  
I'm talking in my sleep,
struggling to explain like last night's dream.
and I'm waking up recalling,
the scrambled words I expelled-
rearranging the letters
to make an apology
secretly hoping
they'll take to their new meaning
could we pretended i was still sleeping?
that my unconscious mind
fell into that habit,
let fear run the ride.
could I start this right?
sunshine though the window,
coffee in a cup,
leave the dark nights behind us and
just wake up.

two*
I'll mean it more when I say I hope you slept well
speak for rest and unrest
and the things we don't tell
learn just how from the moon,
to live by the stars.  
that balance of exposure and cover
that weight on my heart.
you know I've been waking up sorry
and waking up wishing
I knew how to carry myself on those long dark nights,
wishing in the dim light I could see both choices,
wish I knew which was right.