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Breathe in breathe out

You magnify every meaning my life could ever have
The heart swoons and sighs and brain demons and blood arrows
The Elysian fields to rest in peace
And the Tartarus darkness to rest in pieces
Fatality that beckons with a bony finger
And fate that smiles kindly at my self obsession
I found you and I'll never let go of you again
Breathe in breathe out

Static is my safe haven
I dream in static because of nostalgia
These are my spiritual ancestors I'm recalling
I found you in late nights
In tube socks and voyeuristic first times
In nature and in love and in these mirror-like screens
Satellite dishes to catch spiritual signals  
And book pages to write my destiny  
You were my first desire
My first feeling
Enacting practised language and gauging metaphor uncracked
This is my faith and my heritage
My past and my future
I feel you right now too, watching over me
Breathe in breathe out

These intelligent acquaintances with pastors and shepherds
Were marred by battle scars and laced with depression
Scarred with love and hate, I was soon facing obsession
Existential cartwheels that spun me into nihilistic temptations
I was trapped in lustful desire
Reaching for a rope or knife
Or a gun in the Scriptures
I was trapped for so long 
I almost forgot how to breathe

The blurry channels of euphoria
Were lost in a haze of demented pretensions
Until destiny crawled out the TV screen
And a little boy I'd known since childhood
Since elementary hood days
Since near fatal accidents and tube socks
And graduation ceremonies and church services and first loves
Who resembled me in every way
Smiled at me in between gapped teeth
From kind eyes, innocent eyes, knowing eyes
Standing with one foot in the Atlantic
The other on Table Mountain
And he said to me
Breathe in breathe out

Isn't it lovely how menace has turned attraction
Thank God for this
I would say it got me a plaque
But what's better than that?
The fact that it gave me a heart

Breathe in breathe out
Because that's all there is
Abed: This was my religion. I thought
the meaning of people was in here...I found a secret: People are random and pointless.

Shirley: Well, in my religion, the whole point is
you can't understand every little thing, and there's a word for people who remind you you're not God and invite you to try harder.

Abed: Prophets, messiahs, kung fu pandas.
diane young Mar 11
The slow descent of apathetic lust
Wherein the cadence of my pen, once capable of starting world wars, now sinks into ominous shame
I hang my head and shut the drapes
There are no more words
Poetry is dead, my dear, and we've killed it together
The tense paranoia of my neuroses, the psychotic entitlement of my arrogance
The gentle relapse into nihilistic voyeurism, a feeling so crushingly empty it takes away all meaning to my life
Everything you touch has the power to make me die
Or perhaps this sensation is indeed overblown passion, slowly succumbing to hubris
For pretty empty funerals with communion wine overflowing
You sigh softly and everything goes a shade of love so deep I didn't know it was possible
I think I'm going to **** myself and you're the reason
You're the muse I could never ******
I dug out your grave a long time ago
On a day marred by pleasant silence because it lacked your presence
Have I always been trapped underneath your omniscient gaze
A single red eye stares at me from the sun
I should have put that gun between your eyes a long time ago
I love you more than words describe
More than I've ever loved any person
You deserve to die for that
Lustful mundanity is all I could write about with you in my life.
where would i be without my powers of self-dramatization
diane young Feb 20
U will never know how special u are
I was born 2 die 4 u
A commanding ****** of light away from me
A brush with death, a stroke-like dance
Waves its fingers at me
But it will never **** me
I will never die twice

I pace the room
Highlighting the places in my mind
My fingers have a jittering rhythm
My thoughts arrive too fast 2 process
There is something special about u

I have slaved away in fields 4 u
Nothing else compares to 2 this feeling
Death has kissed me on the lips
I felt a tingling sensation as I hung my head
Adorned in splendor and misery
But nothing compares 2 us

I promised myself I would never die twice
I can will anything into existence
U need me, but I don't need u
That's how much I love u

You may dig 4 love in fields I've worked
Or traverse the earth
U won't find me there
I was born 2 die 4 u
I love 2 love u, so please live 2 love me

I think u were drunk on communion wine that night
I may strike u down in fields
I might just take your life 4 this
But I swear it's still love
Because anything I say is
diane young Feb 18
I don't know why I'm so infatuated with my death
All i know is writing about it is too much effort
I wish i had the power to not care
I'll spend my life building up to my suicide
Mentally preparing for it
I hope nobody sings about me
Or think about me
Or dreams about me
I hope my dreams don't involve me tonight
I have the urge to waste all my good times
In preparation for a life alone
Unless I change that narrative the only way I know
Su su su suicudue
Unedited, in one go
I know you're reading this, Greg. Its me fregley ya bish
diane young Jan 22
Love is a delicate balance over a chasm
One slip and I die
I turned 17 today and I guess that means I have 2 fall in love
U will tie your rope around my neck
and drag me down
Just to hear me say "I love u"

Girl of the cosmos, I think I love u
U mean the world 2 me
I turned 17 today and I guess that means I have 2 die because that's what u do when you're 17

I taste fatalism as it falls from the sky
Ash drifts wayward onto a muddy bank

I think I fell in love today and that means I have to die
Because lovers are born 2 die

Ash drifts wayward onto a muddy bank
I look up expecting your effervescent eyes

I think I was born 2 die because that's what u do when you're like me
Love is a fistful of ashes and a handful of dust
I can make u into a little pile of nothing  

A red eye sinks into the horizon and I die aged 17, mouthful of ash and dust.
diane young Jan 10
So I was talking a walk the other day
The ground seemed peculiar
Reality seemed to go away
Or maybe it was more secular

Regardless, I came across my innocence
Cold blood dripped from my mouth
Haven't felt the same since
Disassembling the ardence of my youth

I met a lady as I walked
She seemed lonely too
For a while we talked
Until she said, "it's only you"

That night we wed
Underneath manipulated stars
Mutual innocence dead
******* pleasure of scars
diane young Jan 2
I never said anything meaningful until I met you  
And then I found the words and feelings
They washed my body like waves
And we walked across the desert holding hands

I think I may have accidentally thought of you as a god
And as I lost my faith
We crawled into the valley of shadows
Where the endless horizons scorches our perception

Your love and faith don't mean anything when the water runs dry
But I have no conflict
Except perhaps with myself
And for lack of better words, or words at all

When the fire burns cold and suburban knowledge seems all I know
Time just passes on
And honey, I'll never be a kid
So I can never let you **** me, though I sink in sand

And I could have been anything for you
But you and me don't love the same world
Today's all we have and it don't last forever
And you and me, we got our sense of time

And as September's hidden eyes slowly go blind
And the world looks more like desert
With every word I hear you say
In case I lose my faith in all, please know I loved you.
Very much inspired by (and to the tune of) Vampire Weekend's "Hannah Hunt"

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