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Jul 4 · 424
D Awanis Jul 4
Your heart is an empty auditorium
during business hours
where everyone's too busy
to even see a play

It’s quiet, silent, and hollow,
like the cemetery at 3 a.m
and you will be frightened
by its silence

But as it heals,
the empty room will become
a hallway full of people
and it will foster

Until the emptiness turned into a parade
where broken parts march back
towards the eternal void,
and fill up the spaces
someday, you will love again
D Awanis Jun 24
[ The Ache of Longing ]

It feels like an echo of hundred lifetimes ago,
that she almost failed to reminisce
the last time another soul looking through her
and tell her that her mind is brilliant;
that it's her warmth that captivates the most

And for what it's worth, she knows better
what it felt like to be seen for all that she is
and to be embraced for all that she isn't;
that she was never a quiet drizzle
but the storm that brings wreckage
yet, she was understood and accepted


[ The Echo from The Past ]

These days she never heard those words coming back to her
bet they won't even bother noticing what her eye color was
was it deep jet black? was it brown with a little hint ot hazel?
since they were too busy staring at her curvy waist
that everything else becomes blur and dull

Sometimes when the day feels longer than the night,
and her cheeks started to weary of carrying her grin
she would contemplate how good it must have felt
to have a comforting silence that worth thousand of words
where she could rest her overwhelmed thoughts for a while
yet, somehow the void that creeps inside her chest is filled
i wish one day,
someone would see through her again
to see that she is more than just
a skeleton made of bones and muscles;
she is a skeleton made of thoughts
D Awanis Jun 15
In this ocean of probabilities and uncertainties,
it's not death that I am most afraid of
since death is the only thing that is certain
yet, it's life and to be alive

In death, you only have one possibility
your nonexistent; an eternal darkness
of which light could never reach again,
even your loudest scream sounds like a long silence

In life, every steps taken create alternate endings,
perhaps sometimes you made the right choices
but when it comes that you didn't, it will haunt you
for the rest of your life that you'd start to wonder;

"what happened if you'd only brave enough to take the risk?"
"what's on the other side of the roads you didn't take?"
"what are the opportunities that you have missed?"
"what if what you thought was right, wasn't?"

Thus live, instead of just being exist and present
worry not of your demise, but every seconds you spent
for life and death is only as thin as a thread;
make sure it is worth your while
it takes more than a pulse
and a pair of working lungs
to call a life,
Jun 14 · 488
What is Poetic Justice?
D Awanis Jun 14
Soldier's weapon is gun and grenades,
while journalist's is pen and paper
& neither of them was ever a saint nor a sinner,
yet they play the most pivotal part
than anyone ever was

Unbeknownst to them,
the legacy they have sworn to protect
is curved from thousands of lifeless bodies,
glued with blood, pain, grief, and despair
of those whose names won't fit in history
May 30 · 531
Survival of The Fittest
D Awanis May 30
There are glory and victory in every battles
Yet there are more bleeding and suffering
Glory doesn’t bring back the dead to the living
Victory heals neither scars nor wound, let alone fixing the broken ribs

There are villains and heroines in every war
Yet there are more desolation and devastation
Villains are written in history by the side who wins
Heroines are what they call themselves after slaughtering the innocent

There are rebellion and revolution in every regime
Yet there are more poverty and misery
Rebellion is done by fewer people against jeopardy
Revolution is an act of people power against oppresive authority
Inspired by Game of Thrones
D Awanis May 22
See the unseen, even when it's poignant
even when it feels like your eyeballs will drop out of your skull
and you cry blood instead of tears

Speak the unspoken, even when it's bitter
even when it feels like the tongue will slip out of your mouth
and you spit blood instead of saliva

Fight the invincible, even when it's exhausting
even when it feels like your arms will be torn apart
and you shed blood instead of sweat

Seek the unknown, even when it's dangerous
even when it feels like your bet your life on shooting star
and you are drowned in blood instead of ocean
because the truth is, none of us is ever a damsel in distress—as no one is able to save us but ourselves
D Awanis May 20
My dear sister, I’m sorry I wasn’t there
When they call you names and harass your crown on the street
When they tell you what you should or shouldn’t do with your body

My dear sister, I’m sorry I wasn’t there
When they pluck your honey against your will yet they tell them you enjoy it
When they touch your skin yet they left it bleeding and bruised

My dear sister, I’m sorry I wasn’t there
When they want you to cover your scars and pimples because they don’t meet the “beauty” standards
When they forcibly ask you to shave your hair because it doesn’t potray cleanliness and hygiene

My dear sister, I’m sorry I wasn’t there
When your rose is blooming and the moon is come but they show you their cold shoulders
When they make fun of your shape and laugh it off but they refuse to make a clean breast of it as an insult

Thus rise, dear sister
—for your pain is mine to carry
—for your wound is mine to mend
—for your war is mine to fight
D Awanis Apr 13
My mother never gave birth to a girl
Neither did her and my father ever raise a daughter
Yet, they raised a wolf—wild, fearless, strong, and resilient

They told me to howl at everything I found misfit;
to bark as a warning sign,
to riot as an act of resistance
maybe because i was born on national's prominent women heroine day, Kartini, thus i feel the urge to carry this responsibility upon my shoulder
D Awanis Feb 10
God, guide me through this mess
ease my mind, soften my heart;
for I know that You know best what is good and what is not

God, help me accept the plan You have written for me
soothe my soul, strengthen my shoulder
for I know I plan, and they plan, but You are the best of all planners

God, release me from this pain and sadness
calm my nerves, harden my feelings;
for I know You will never weigh me something I'm not capable of carrying
Dec 2018 · 4.0k
In Her Wonderland
D Awanis Dec 2018
Come closer,

What do you see?

Look deeper,
There's more of her than what meets the eye
She might spell queen on her tongue
She might blind people with her glance
But don't believe anything you see

Explore further,
There's more to her soul than the physical shape
She might wear fire on her skin
She might imply strong on her wrist
But don't believe anything you touch
she's more than her beauty, and she knows it well
Nov 2018 · 2.7k
Digital Love
D Awanis Nov 2018
I think those who are in love on this era is cursed,
not that their love is delusional nor artificial
But because their manisfestation of love is perceived
by how society visualizes and defines it

We think someone genuinely love us because
they upload hundreds of photos of us
We think someone sincerely love us because
they write essay competition-worthy captions
We think someone truly love us because
they praise us at all of our selfie posts

To me, love is listening to a music
and suddenly it reminds you of them
To me, love is reading a good book
and suddenly wants them to read it as well
To me, love is when winter comes and all you ever think is whether they wear their warm clothes
To me, love is when the night comes and all you think of is how his day was

Well, then again, Chbosky once said that
"we accept the love we think we deserve"
And maybe we don't get to choose the way we love
or the way we want to be loved
Simply because we think it's the kind of love
that deserves us
"you make it far too easy to believe,
that true romance can be achieved these days" // Alex Turner
Sep 2018 · 4.2k
My Mind Is a Busy Street
D Awanis Sep 2018
My mind is a busy street
its twinkling lights and noisy horns won't shut
whilst the walls are made out of skyscrapers,
only when the rain is pouring it began to quiet

My mind is a busy street
indefinite amount of strangers are crossing every now and then
leaving their footprints on every intersection,
little did they know it cost me bleeding wounds
Sep 2018 · 673
In The Midst of Chaos
D Awanis Sep 2018
Every corner on this earth
feels like war zone

Every mouth of the people
tastes like revenge

How do we find peace
in this midst of chaos?
Aug 2018 · 2.3k
D Awanis Aug 2018
The worst thing about losing someone to death is that
you didn't actually get that chance to pay your farewell

When they leave,
they just left

Suddenly, their brain refused to consume the oxygen,
their heart refused to pump the blood to the veins
It was almost felt like all those organs and cells had conspired together and finally come to their final conclusion

There will be days when you feel like grieving
and mourning over them are as normal as breathing

And it's okay,
it's okay

No one will ever get over death of loved ones easily
mostly because the "what if"s and "if only"s that follows,
Because the most painful goodbye
is the ones that never got the chance to be said
i miss you Grandma. if i could only turn back the time, i'd love to hug you tighter that night. for one last time
Jul 2018 · 2.2k
Déjà vu
D Awanis Jul 2018
Strangely, your existence feels familiar
I think I've seen your face somewhere,
or was it your voice that I heard?
or was it your skin that I touched?

Are you sure this is our first meeting?
I'm not quite sure, though, but if it is,
why do I feel like my soul has known you forever?
why do I feel like my heart has been longing for you?

Well, I can't help but wonder,
when your deep blue eyes met mine anxiously
when your tongue spelled my name fluently
do you, by any chance, recognize me too?
Jul 2018 · 10.6k
House of Broken Dreams
D Awanis Jul 2018
Darling, who ever told you that home is made out of bricks?
Home is whenever your heart feel at ease and be at peace
Home is whenever you go to places and in love with the streets
Home is whenever you listen to the music and jam to its rhythm

This two-story building made out of bricks,
is a place that shouldn't be burden off your shoulders
is a place that should you reminisce in joy instead of grief
is a place that should be a sanctuary rather than asylum

Darling, who ever told you that home is made out of bricks?
Home is whose eyes were jet black with a heartbeat
Home is whose smirks feel like summer in winter days
Home is whose touch melts away even the toughest iceberg

"Well", you said, "this two-story building made out of bricks,
is a place where I hear more yelling than laughter
is a place where my dreams died and buried deep
is a place where I used to shamelessly call as home"
Jul 2018 · 7.0k
Running in Circle
D Awanis Jul 2018
I was thousand kilometers away from you,
when a stranger bumped into me
he asked me where I was heading off
he asked me if I'm lost by the dead end

I remember answering that nothing to worry,
as I used to go solo and travel alone
'though he offered me help, I refused
it's the kind of kindness I can never repay

Years passed by until it comes to my senses,
how could I ever grasp his helping hand
while your fingerprints are still all over my skin?
while your voice still resonates down to my toes?

Youth was all we ever had, and
no matter how far I've come to walk away
every time I wander it goes directly to you
—I am running in circle
Feb 2018 · 1.9k
Three Question Marks
D Awanis Feb 2018
Some say that before you breathe your last breath,
all your life will flash before your eyes
so tell me, what kind of life you'd want to have?

Some say that having your heart broken is like
having your flash ripped and your bones fractured
so tell me, will you regret to have fallen in the first place?

Some say that when you miss a dead person,
the Heavens will let your voice be heard
so tell me, what are the words you are going to say?
Jan 2018 · 8.8k
Her Soul is Tired
D Awanis Jan 2018
Her soul is tired now
and all she ever wanted to do was
calming her crowded mind
and resting her heavy heart

Her soul is tired now
and the only path she’d go through
was no longer runaway full of eyes
but an empty and quiet hallways

Her soul is tired now
and the dreams are no longer dreams,
they became possessions and hunger
that consumes her alive

Her soul is tired now
as the passion slowly fades away
and the flame in her eyes began to vanish
can’t you feel the absence of her warmth?
Apr 2017 · 5.7k
In The Pursuit of Happiness
D Awanis Apr 2017
Afraid not of mistakes,
but a chance not taken

Afraid not of aging,
but a youth spent wasted

Afraid not of death,
but a life unlived
D Awanis Apr 2017
She has lost count on how many nights she spent alone,
spoiling her thoughts while sipping her whiskey at the balcony
looking at the stars and the moon with intimate longing,
and wishing to be one of them as if she was one, once

They say that to live is the rarest thing in the world,
as for her, life is always a puzzle with one missing piece,
an endless labyrinth with no way out, let alone the dead end
an unsolved riddles with no absolute clues, let alone the answer

Sometimes at times like tonight, she'd let her mind wander
to streets she has never walked before and people she has never met,
with language she barely understands nor familiar with,
thinking maybe solitude is not a bliss after all—it's an agony
Apr 2017 · 36.4k
Beauty in Diversity
D Awanis Apr 2017
We were born in different shapes, colors, and size
Not a single embryo was able to decide their DNA or blood type
But that shouldn't make us less humans than the others
It's the diversity that makes us exquisite and beautiful

Break down the stereotype that beauty is fair skin,
that beauty is a skinny and blonde-haired lady
that beauty is wearing clothes with branded labels
that beauty is applying tons of foundation and mascara

Who are we to determine the standard of beauty, anyway?
While each of us is God's creativity,
authentically made by His hands

Who are we to judge God's taste in art, anyway?
While each of us is uniquely magnificent,
as His creations are never less than a masterpiece

Keep in mind that the real beauty lies within ourselves,
beneath our skin, between our thoughts, and inside our soul
Embrace your inner beauty
Mar 2017 · 13.2k
D Awanis Mar 2017
Intimacy is not measured

by how passionate you kiss her, or
by how loud you say you love her, or
by how your hands fit hers perfectly, or
by how many bouquets you bring for her

Intimacy is when
your souls intertwined one another
that even silence,
doesn't make her feel anxiety

Intimacy is when
your thoughts connect to each other
that even before you speak,
she already knows

And if you are lucky enough,
that connection will last a lifetime
that no measure of time or space
could come between two affiliated souls
"She asked me to kiss her, but when I lean towards her, she refused gently," he sighed.
"Long after she's gone I understand that she wanted me to kiss her soul, instead of her body.”
Jan 2017 · 16.2k
D Awanis Jan 2017
Maybe home,
is not a place
not even a person
but instead a feeling

It is a feeling where you can finally
adapt to your society and
be comfortable to walk in your skin
without being afraid or scared anymore

And now I'm homesick
Dec 2016 · 16.6k
Nostalgic Feelings
D Awanis Dec 2016
Nostalgia is a beautiful phenomenon
It's when life seemingly happier,
more adventurous, and less chaotic

People frequently romanticize and misplaced it
As a neverland, wonderland, you name it
More often than not, they think it's all they have left

As I grow older, I can see those fragment of memories
Vividly, so crystal clear that it almost feels real
But baby, nostalgia is a psychological illusion

So, come to your senses now
Recall this as a mantra
Breathe in, breathe out

He's not a history—he's a tragedy
Dec 2016 · 8.3k
We Are Running Out of Time
D Awanis Dec 2016
The best gift one could give to another is a clock
Simply because it is a constant reminder that;
nothing lasts forever; that our time is not limitless

The 'tick' and 'tock' that never stop warnes us in which
the time passes us by with or without announcement
For its nature is to remain constant and eternal

Maybe that's why us, humans, we tend to regret
the time we didn't cherish and spend well enough
—because our nature is never safe and sound
Nov 2016 · 951
Once in a Little While
D Awanis Nov 2016
Once in a little while,
You'll stumble upon someone
In a way your logic never thought before
You'll have no clue of why, what, how

For when you met someone
That matches your soul best
The spark inside of you
Ignites—and refuses to dim
Oct 2016 · 11.3k
The Lost Wanderer
D Awanis Oct 2016
As for her,

She might has forgotten
where the home is in the world

For she's always everywhere—
in every countries she crossed
on every streets she wandered
at every motels she spent the night
above the sand and ocean breeze
below the tallest buildings and crowded bridges..

But you,

You make her feel like
the closest thing to feeling that again
Oct 2016 · 1.1k
Artificial Feelings
D Awanis Oct 2016
If a stargazer falls in love with you, every stars and asterisks she found will be named after you, and she will find out how the constellations link up just to construct your jawline

If a traveler falls in love with you, every journey she'd make will not take her further, because her maps and compass will always lead her towards you

If a scientist falls in love with you, she will compound a formula so the chemistry and bound between you two will never have to expire

If a musician falls in love with you, your name will become refrain and echoes in every songs she composed, while the birds will be singing to it on the first day of Spring

If an artist falls in love with you, she will potray you in every paintings; of you sipping a coffee or even sleeping in the middle of late night conversations

If an astronaut falls in love with you, God, she will fall for you like the Earth does for gravity

If a poet falls in love with you, her poems and poetry will be made of your heartbeat and the stain of your lips


If a writer falls in love with you, you'll become eternal; as when your body returns to dust, she will turn you into paragraphs and sentences that live for decades
Oct 2016 · 8.0k
Ruins of The Past
D Awanis Oct 2016
I couldn’t help myself but longing for your existence
It felt strange to have my body wrapped and my back rubbed by someone that is not you
It felt unfamiliar not to hear you talk about the weather and the sky after you question my day
It felt odd to feel the stain of coffee left on his lips—because it ain’t the one you used to sip

I couldn’t help myself but wonder about the probability of us
Tell me that being stucked in traffic jam doesn’t make you wish you were spending it with me
Tell me that your feet don’t dance to Ella Fitzgerald and suddenly missing the tip of my toes on top of them
Tell me that when you look at her face, you don’t search even an ounce of my warmth there

I couldn't help myself but pleading for your mercy
Forgive me that I almost forget the way your laughter sounds or the way you sigh when you feel hopeless;
or the transition in your voice when you get mad but choose not to show it
or how your fingers fit the spaces between mine perfectly—and God, do I miss them
D Awanis Oct 2016
Through the gap
between paragraphs,
I found remedy

Through the pause
between melodies,
I found serenity

Through the crack
between shattered glass,
I found wisdom

Through the space
between His fingers,
I found home
have faith in God, for every dark tunnels light awaits
Oct 2016 · 13.0k
D Awanis Oct 2016
Never thought I'd listen to Kodaline,
as I walk down the Memory Lane

Oh, Clementine
For when I was with you I've always been sane
You said you'd be at nine
But since you were no longer mine,
I spent all night with you in my mind
And glasses of champagne on my hand

Oh, Clementine
It's hard for me even to draw a line
Letting you go costs insanity I can't define
With countless loss of dopamine
But I guess if you're fine
I'd do my best not to intervene

Oh, Clementine
February 14th you're no longer my Valentine
Driving through the sreets I ran out of gasoline
But the time is due and I've come to the deadline
While sighing 'I'm done'
I know it's time for me to be gone
Oct 2016 · 19.8k
Time Capsule
D Awanis Oct 2016
I remember they once told me that
music is the best time capsule

It's where people keep their secrets and feelings;
of their insecurities, their mistakes, their sadness, their first cut,
and even the wounds and bruises that invisible to the eye

It's where people let their wildest dreams alive;
of the one they can never reach, the one that will never come back, the one that got away without proper farewell

It's where people store their most sacred memories;
of their first kisses, their first love, their first dance, their first bucket of roses, their first heartbreaks

So they were right after all,

Music is dangerous, yet addicting; it can either tear you apart or put the pieces back altogether, it depends on what kind of ghosts living inside the interlude

Thus, be careful who you listen the music with
some melody is louder than the others
Today I played the music box you gave me on my seventeenth birthday. How odd it is to realize that music sometimes can be a time machine, how every strings and clinks bring me back to you—towards you
Oct 2016 · 897
Two Sides of The Same Coin
D Awanis Oct 2016
I guess there are two kinds of people; The Sun and The Moon

The Sun kind of people are the ones who show the world how their presence is essential and inevitably crucial
While, The Moon kind of people are the ones who usually works behind the desk that their role is, no matter how significant, remain invisible

I guess there are two kinds of people; The Candles and The Matches

The Candles kind of people are the ones who would light up the others not minding how it could burn their own selves
While, The Matches kind of people are the ones who take advantages of everything for the sake of their own good without thinking it may harm and hurt the others

I guess there are two kinds of people; The Sunrise and The Sunset

The Sunrise kind of people are the the ones who meant to stay in our life, to finally prove that not everything is temporary, that sometimes people and things could last forever too
While, The Sunset kind of people are the ones who has always meant to teach us lessons from the very first place, but that doesn't make it less of them because a part of them will always exist on the darkest corner of our heart
Oct 2016 · 903
D Awanis Oct 2016
Women are complex,
As every words said,
she means otherwise

Women are labyrinth,
As every steps taken,
she regrets every inches

Women are riddle,
As every questions asked
she left unanswered

Women are enigma,
As every thoughts wondered,
she doesn't mind each of them

Women are mystery,
As every poems made,
she swears entire rhymes
maybe that's why to understand her is probably the hardest thing to do—but once you do, you'll never find another soul as complicated yet alive as hers
Oct 2016 · 7.2k
Gypsy Heart
D Awanis Oct 2016
She disinterested in small talks outside the park
Instead, she craves for late-night confessions
sparing chapters in life that you both don't read out loud

She doesn't favor going to a fancy anniversary dinner
Instead, she thrives for adventures and long road-trip journey
without any maps or compass just so you can get lost together

She hates pop music everyone is singing along on radio
Instead, she's crazy about folks and indie no one heard before
and you will find a lot of vinyls in her room instead of discs

She doesn't want drizzle or light breeze
Instead, she wants a ******* hurricane and tsunami
that will wreck her apart and drown her soul
She won't settle for something ordinary or less than what she deserves
Oct 2016 · 8.6k
Your Voice is a Lullaby
D Awanis Oct 2016
Minutes and hours flew by
yet none of us hang up the phone

Conversations and silence filled in
but none of us decide to sleep

Some nights I can't recall
whether or not it's real

Sometimes I wish it didn't
—most of the time I wish it did
Oct 2016 · 1.2k
D Awanis Oct 2016
She's a mess
She wakes up at noon with eyebags all around her face
And in her markings you'll find unreachable desires, hope, and wishes

She's a hurricane
She has millions of chaotic galaxies of thoughts
And in her mind you'll find thousands of tangled up worlds of words and places

But she's a masterpiece
She makes your brain explodes while it wanders to travel her body
And in her company you'll find how life imitates art—long before art imitates life
Oct 2016 · 7.3k
Dear Little Fighter
D Awanis Oct 2016
Dear little fighter,
I know you are suffering, struggling, and battled over,
I know how badly you wanted to get out of the maze,
The maze or the mess—neither does you a favor

Dear little fighter,
Never lose your hope no matter how dark the tunnel might be sometimes
Never lose that little faith in your heart that soon things will be brighter
Scream your heart out loud or in silence if it makes you feel at ease

Dear little fighter,
I'm not gonna say that everything is going to be okay,
I'm not gonna say that you will figure things out right away,
But I promise you there will be better days coming your way

Dear little fighter,
You are more than your war nor your pain
You are enough, and no one shall tell you otherwise!
There's a great warrior within you that collapses even the Great Wall
So, hold on a little bit more and believe in yourself. Always
Sep 2016 · 719
Lonely Ballad
D Awanis Sep 2016
You're a song
I can't unsing
Sep 2016 · 766
D Awanis Sep 2016
I was the anchor to your voyage
—and you were the poison for my heart
So, what's the point of holding on while both parties are bleeding?
Sep 2016 · 1.5k
D Awanis Sep 2016
For his heart is
as cold as
the Winter weather

and she was born
in Summer
That's why there's no other way they could make their way

— The End —