She wasn't afraid of dirt, and never painted her fingernails
until she was old and her youngest daughter did it for her
But she planted Petunias in the springtime and made green beans
with Mrs. Dash and oil in a *** where they boiled on the stove
And she could peel five potatoes faster with
a knife than I could peel one with a peeler. And she dried her car
in the garage after it rained and pressed our shirts.
She quit guitar in her seventies, or maybe earlier I can't remember
because the arthritis was too much for her fingers but she
still sang and still made her pancakes crispy and still went
to church to sit on the pew next to last from the back
And she sang hymns with her sister until her sister was gone
And she drove a pickup into the woods at eighty and wasn't afraid
of getting hurt but she was afraid of the dark
She played Hand and Foot and Checkers and Rummy and went to
yard sales and sent cards to the sick and loved red roses
and the color purple but not the color yellow which she
told my mother she looked bad in and also my aunt.
She spoke with authority and knew what was right without having to ask
anyone but the Bible and she told you what she thought
and loved you no matter what and would always give you a job
if you were sitting because there was always something to clean
or fetch and there was little worse than being lazy.
She bought wagons for the grandkids and covered the fire at night
and sang about heaven and took walks up on the hill until it
got too hard to walk. And she never gave up and she always held
on so tight you could see her knuckles turn white because there
was no letting go.

What grief do we bear by ourselves for naught?
As flames turn to white dot and smoke, then smoke
So fiercest light must wane where hearts do hope
And yet dim tears in vain alone are wrought;
Fear cleaves us from the skies that once we sought
And seeking words that none should e'er hear spoke
In cold of shadow hiding there afloat
Still linger dreams until they are forgot;
Cling fast to wax of candles that now shine,
Do pray some wandering souls with you may heal
And scatter darkness with bright friends at night;
Where severance is a hell of self-design,
Know who and what remains are still most real;
No eyes can see what is beyond the light.

You always see her smile,
She's really good at faking,
But you don't see is her whole life breaking,
The tears, the cry's, all the times she lies,
But she smiles,
She keeps it all inside,
She does her best to hide,
Because no-one can see what's really inside.

Sometimes,
I think to myself,
It can't be real,
It's fake,
I'm faking it,
But then I tell myself,
If i'm faking it,
Go get something to eat,
And then I just sit there,
Trying to accept the reality.

I keep on wondering,
What am I doing with my life?
I want to pound my head against a wall,
If I don't stop I am going to fall,
I can't think of anything else all day,
I keep saying i'll be done with this after today,
Nobody understands what I am going through,
Nobody has a clue,
It's so hard,
Keeping it all in,
"Are you okay?"
No reply,
I just grin,
They have no idea how hard it is trying to be like them,
Like society,
THIN.

Why do I ask for something but then deny wanting it?
I think about death,
Why can't this be my last breath?
**** me.
Haven't I suffered enough?
I just want to die.
I don't care if this rhymes.
WHY do I think like this!?!?
I cry myself to sleep.
Why ME??
I can't stop.
I need a mop,
for my tears on my face.
I can tell nobody
Why can't I just say I need help?
The words just can't escape me.
I would rather feel empty in my stomach than my head.
Even I am having problems going to bed.

We are few
but our voices are many
we of the dark fraternity

we are strong
and we are proud
in our dark realms

We are delicate as a black rose
with blood on it's spiteful thorns
this is my black fraternity

Let the dark bring all we claim
make havoc our destiny
us of the dark fraternity

Slay them when called
destroy one and all
in my dark fraternity


By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris

I want to be you
I want to live you
tell me you love me
tell me I am doing right

I breath you
I love you
see my work
do you agree

You gave me the gift
a excuse to live
and I write for you
for you saved me

When I was on my knees
you did hear my pleas
and god you saved me
from the darkness of my desires


By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris

If you cross us be aware
we don't take prisoners
for if you are wicked
we are your super dark nightmare

Justice must be done
this world must be cleansed
my kind can make nightmares
and tear you into dust

We of the dark and kind
us the last glory of her might
we few of the holy night
our crusade of goodness never ends

We battle with faith and honor
do not test our patience
for if you are foe
we will annihilate you

I call to my super dark to take you down
my mighty fleet will hunt you down
we are gods final defiant defence
and we will drive you to ground


By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris