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Dev A Mar 2018
I dream about you in my sleep
I clutch your hand holding mine,
As your arms wrap me in a tight embrace.

I dream about you in my sleep
I hear your whispered words in my ear
As your lips lay kisses across my cheek.

I dream about you in my sleep
I feel safe in your presence
As you stand by my side.

I dream about you in my sleep
But when I wake I can’t see your face
As I realize a dream was all it was.

I dream about you in my sleep
But when I wake I remember you were a faceless entity
An imaginary lover of a long forgotten time
Dev A Mar 2018
A midnight flower dances in the moonlight;

An owl soars through starlit clouds;

Glistening dewdrops sparkle in the shadows;

Crickets chirp amongst the stillness;

The wind howls through the darkness;

Crinkle of paper as the insomniac turns the pages;

The only sounds which stir in the night.
Dev A Feb 2018
I sit here waiting day by day
Waiting for a ding, a buzz
Hoping to hear from you.

A simple reassurance I’m on your mind
A ding, or a buzz just you saying “hello”
Just a reminder that you think of me too.

Each time I check my phone
I think I must have missed the ding, or the buzz
The sign that you sent me a message.

As I sit here day by day
Waiting for a ding, a buzz
I see you name cross my screen

A notification sits there with your name
A ding, a buzz alerted me
Telling me you came to say, “Hey! How was your day?”
Dev A Feb 2018
I woke up one day
To see your face on my screen

It took a few moments
But the more I looked,
The stranger I felt.

I realized that I was no longer plagued by emotions
I was over you
But more than that
I realized I’ve been able to move on for a while, now.

When I saw your face
I noticed I didn’t know you anymore,
You became a stranger,
No longer the one who made me laugh,
Who made my day.

I woke up one day
To see your face on my screen
And now I’m ready to move forward
With my life, a life without you
Dev A Feb 2018
I wish I could talk with you every day
I wish this anxiety didn’t plague me
I wish I had the courage to start a conversation
I wish I didn’t fear what you thought of me

I wish that my heart didn’t beat faster out of nerves
But rather from only excitement
I wish those three little dots didn’t have me terrified
But rather anticipation thrumming through me

I keep wishing to change how I feel when I hear from you;
From scared and worried to happy and excited
But my mind is keeping me back from enjoying our banter
I keep wishing that today will be the day
The day I finally conquer this anxiety
But I have to keep persevering;
Never letting it take complete control.

I wish I knew what to say
I wish I knew how to keep our conversations going
I wish this distance I’ve created doesn’t last
But most of all, I wish that you can understand.
Dev A Dec 2017
An eternal abyss beneath your feet
It’s maw opening wider and wider
As you grow smaller and smaller
While piece by piece
You grow smaller and smaller
As you die inside
Little by little
Dev A Dec 2017
The days go by
My face stretched out in a smile
Cheeks hurting from the effort.

Sitting next to people
Talking about life’s daily struggles
Just another show.

Laughing as jokes are told
Saying hello as aquaintances pass
Trying to make it through the day.

The days go by
The same struggle of pretending to be okay
When it’s empty inside.

The greatest joy is when my dog kisses my face
Pushing through the pain of unreturned messages
Calling back memories of similar days from years ago.

When your best friend would rather talk to your mom
And another friend just hangs up ‘cause she doesn’t want to talk anymore
Or a friend who never responds even though he texted first.

It’s getting easier and easier to retreat into a fantasy world
Why should I try when the results are always the same
No matter what I change, it’s always the same.

I cling to the hope of a future
One where there are people who truly care
Where people truly believe in me.

It seems so far away
Almost unachievable
But I cling to that dream obsessively,

The chant repeats in my mind, day after day,
One day will come,
One day you will be free
!
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