Every morning and every day,
If you’re still saying El Roi (God Who Sees),
You know you’re still in the best of hands.

My world
Is just me and my glass castle,
It seems.
Though every so often,
I can make a glass panel swing out
And I can pop out an arm or leg –
Barely enough to be seen.

And every day,
I try to believe that I’m more or less broken,
As that seems to be comforting,
Though really each day’s pain is likely the same.

I’m allowed to be thankful for closed doors.
They’re truly a blessing in disguise.
They're an indication of His sovereignty,
Our hope, and our being human –
Indeed, they're a fragile opportunity to beautifully let go.

Thoughts and feelings
Of a wanderer
Grow near and fond.

But why winter,
And life’s beatings,
Make this grow to be my love.

My life depends on God.
I am a servant to Him.
This wanderer – that feels as a whisp’ in the wind –
Is certainly not lost.

Though I may be broken -
Pieces flying everywhere -
The puzzle is being put together.
I trust this.
Is Your will something I should know,
Or something powerful I should come to know?

I am a cloud in a world full of clouds.
People call me shy;
I see myself as low-lying fog.
Fog-the thick stuff right in front of your eyes,
so think you can’t see through it…
Until you’ve crossed into the inside.
I don’t see myself as above others,
so I’m low to the ground.

Other clouds –
Storm clouds, and those clouds you can imagine
as anything your heart desires,
and the wispy ones high up in the skies…
They are dramatic and charming, but what are they really?
Some clouds become ripped apart by cars,
but others are ripped apart by planes.
Is there even a cloud never caught, never ripped apart in any motion?
For really, we are all as each other.

If you could sing a song,
What would you sing?
None can truely breathe,
all have gone dumb into silence.

Once I dreamed of things deep,
but now I have forgotten how.
I have forgotten my name,
and your name is lost too.

If you could talk,
what would be your first words?
Would you describe yourself,
or describe someone else?

Would words be of love or hate?
Would they even be words at all?
Are the bones made of fear,
or of mercies and compassion?

Please just tell me why
Tell me the meaning of dreams
They haunt my footsteps

Breathe in and breathe out
Do not repeat your praises
You will hear my shout

You will cry in pain
I will then feel much sorrow
You will faint tonight

I'll battle onwards
Leaving nothing in my path
I now watch your corpse

Under a fleeting light
More than you could ever see
I envy your pain

I will try to put all your thoughts together
Put them on my spindle, wove them in the loom
You cringe to no avail
Please evacuate the premises.

The shotgun is sitting in the corner
Waiting for the voice to lift up its bones
You have no life without the powder
Your barrel, stained only by me.

Wake me up when you sing again
Your life-blood is dry.
I will lie with you in waiting.
I won't ever leave your side.

The forgotten soul
Dreaming of reality
Sick inside myself

Diligent times stained
Remembrance dropped in the night
Deaf to others minds

My friends have no love
Waiting forever, sought none
Belief is silent

Snowflake drops on heaven
Dreaming of serene stumbles
Delicate like dew

Freezing the snowflake
A rainbow soft as a tear
A winter's tramping

Feeling the river
In ever expense of ours
Fearing the fearless

Oh dearest alone
Another close folly here
Splendid days ended

These screams of laughter
They fill your heart full of love
We're left to wonder

Walking through your grave
In here lies my lovely foe
I miss you a lot

I hold you in my palm
The star tells all
How grateful I would have been if you were here
Here to share my memories, and my misfortune.

As another one leaves
A beautiful tree disappears into the atmosphere
And I'm left to hold your presence,
Like a balloon, floating forever.

Sympathizing with the safety
Resonating from the bones of the weak
Dreading the events
Everyone feels a hole

Scared to lose my consciousness
So I asked my momma
What a person thinks when they're out
when they're sedated
And then I realized that if I was seeing stuff,
I was dying.
And I don't wanna die yet.
My eyes, my mind are so screwy.
Noone understands how I can make
Rainbows and pictures from nothingness.
Times like these,
I feel scared, pointless.
Likewise undoubtedly to the rest of civilization.
Its been done before
But people keep thinking the worst
And I know some thoughts become true.
If people stop scaring me,
I just want to live and love...

Dreams of a sunny wet day
The parks flood
Hyperactivity rocket through a tree's roof
Everyone laughs
But everyone moves away
To a drier festivity
Which we just were
And nobody truly understands
The secret of the storm

The grasses full of mud
I'm ready to slide
Not caring the landscape
A rainbow forms,
Noone sees.
Sudden occasions are not brought out long.
And I forever look for
And I listen for the crackling in the sky
Down to earth
What more to define
A violent form dismantling
Striking, destroying, perfecting its remedy

There's nothing between
God and I
Right now
People tell me
That I should be afraid of death
But I feel nothing
I see nothing
My fingers are numb for the excitement
Frostbitten by the cold

People tell me
There's no higher ground
That the last hours of death
Are deep with horror
And they all say
That they were so scared

But I see no reason to be afraid
They all call me stupid
I spoke my philosophies
And people around me are starting to realize
That in our blueprints
Our time may be early
And we are not in control

People tell me
Life will not get better
That we're doomed to eternal damnation
And I refuse to believe them
They are so full of fear
They do not see the light at the end of the tunnel

People tell me
That I am an angel
Or that I'm remarkable
That I'm something special
But no, its lies
My doorway is appointed
Through my eyes with their senses
The bar was never raised through me

People tell me
Humankind is pointless
And I don't understand why..

Sterling shadows
An everlasting minefield
A drop of grievances
Shard in my foot

Bodies flying
Heaviness weighing down hearts
The passionate ceasing
Rapid fire

Death penalty coming
Love reminding
It is not over yet.

Someday we'll see heaven's bliss
Hopefully sooner than later
I almost can't stand this no longer
Would you stop hating me please
I've stopped hating you
You burn and blot me out
Strength is crazy and I wish I had more
Wanting to back out of everything good for me
Hiding in other's shadows
I want to die alone
You can stop now.
Please.

A song of sorrow
We have all lived here
Sometimes for longtimes
But never forever
Give me a promise
I have none now
Nothing.

This is irresistable.
Radiance lies above.
Here I'm below everyone.
Everyone stronger.
Everyone lives more.
I'm starved for something.
You remember this
But you don't remember that
You don't remember we were once friends.
Its all hate now.
Uncontrollable.

I guess I'll my life this way.
Losing friend after friend.
I got nothing more to give.
I guess its all over now.
More and more
I would just like to leave
This life to rest
You would be happier without me
So be it.

Past isn't the future.
That's quite clear.
There's nothing new here.
One thing's tangible
And its not you.
Noone helps me,
Noone will.
I hated being the innocent one.
Guess I got my wish.
I got realism faster than anyone did.
Am I thankful?
Overwhelmed as ever.
Blinded.

Forgetting the blessings.
Death's sorrow.
Turn me over a new path.
I can't even scream.
Redirect me.
Angel, why can't I see you.
I need you
Everyone needs you
The world's eating us all alive.
Once innocent
Never going back again
Savior save us now.
Uplifted.

Oh like a basket of butterflies, thoughts flutter through my head.
Everytime I try to think on one thing, the mental conversation changes topic
- Every five seconds.
How can one really think
When their brain is going to explode from from excessive nervousness?
Take away the worry, take away the pain, Its making me crazy - I'm going insane.
Stress burns a whole in me.
The real person I talked to turned out to be fake.
I have noone, reality shrieks, I am beyond words.
If I had words for anyone, they wouldn't hear them.
Seems that I'm lost and so are you.
Pretenders alike, just go on and ignore me.
Pain resonates from the deep caverns, inflicting my soul to the last breath.
And you think people can live this way.
Fake in the eyes of a monster.

I've got a smile in my hand,
It glows so brightly,
It bristles against your cheek.
When I laugh you laugh with me and the breeze is gentle and inviting.
We sing together a longtime.
We think of things so beautifully than when we were apart.
Oh it is bright but soft and we clutch it with our lives.
For if we forget, we must toil to learn again.
Many tears build at the realization that we must find ourselves again.
I've tried but I cannot light the campfire with nothing.
So I longed to catch something flammable and I found it feasible,
And I caught fire, and the flame in my hand forever burns.

Residing to the night air I think of things calm and reckless,
And feeling so careless I breathed the dank mist as if I were shooting,
And I swallow the remnants of the beginning and I freely launch myself down,
Plummeting farther into the ocean,
Always believing that I would reach the bottom, but coming back up like a balloon.
Events remind me of what I once had,
The reminders of something beautiful that I'd thrown away.
Frightful dreams of picking up the pieces threaten to come out of me and become reality.
Scares me shallowly at some hours and deeply the next,
Deserting the wreckage and plowing ashore,
Never looking back but persevering until there is no more.

I'll cry away all these days
Oh just let me lay in peace
Leave me alone, just let me deal with it.
I know I'll fail but I can't handle the pressure you put on me.

Oh just let me fail, its my decision right here, right?
I can't breathe anymore, maybe this is my reason.
Finally, I have a reason.
Its all worth the feeling, oh I can feel it all now.

If you gave me a breath, maybe it would become life.
The life could enter this bruised, dying soul.
I can't even believe this could all end,
But maybe if I remembered it would all come to pass…

With selfless hearts we see everything in front of our faces
But we do nothing, because we are alone tonight.
We hover with the clouds with an unknown destination
And before we feed our souls with life,
We drown in our own emerging pride.

Its a sorrowful way to die, from the inside out
But its important to realize that people die from this everyday.
Everytime we judge someone, compete, retaliate,
We lose another heartstring.
And the people that have lost all their heartstrings -
We label them as fake, as they've died that much in our eyes.

We repeatedly hold anger on people.
Pride - the faultiest point in human nature.

I can only dream of walls that don't break down.
Another secret, another wall, another fight.
And it seems I have many, many walls.
Perhaps, it is a good thing though, that walls are not stone?
Why do I feel like I'm hiding in a pile of rocks?
And then I dig beneath me, because I realize its only glass.

Because of me, I'm a pushover, they all say.
I wish people would've taken me seriously, instead of turning me into roadkill.
But I guess I was always roadkill in your eyes.
Private school and boys ... but was it justified?
Now, yes, I'm giving you another chance.
You don't understand, and you never will.

When its all done and over though, I still have no regrets.
Anger has succumbed to the happiness, and I feel free again.
So strange how we find ourselves in sorrow.
Never wishing but receiving guilt in great multitude.
Dreaming of heavens and higher places all the while.
Finding life a new, clear slate for love to dwell.

Always trying to prove myself to people.
Story of my life, tell me I'm dreaming.
I've been fighting like this so long,
And now I feel like giving it all up.
Your mighty act was performed, and I'm still standing.
Seriously, you thought you could stomp on me like that?
I'm going to hold my ground and you're not stopping me.
The day I learned my life's objective, I was playing with my guns.
It was a hard day, you made me so tired.
I wanted a moment to rest but was given nothing.
Nothing. Not one sliver of time. Just another piece of lead.
I poured the lead into my guns and kept on fighting.
Finally, you gave me rest,
And along with the rest you gave me truth.
You gave me so much, it brought me to my knees.
And I got right up, ready for your blows again.
One day I'll have to own up to the fact that I'm hurting myself.
Its really hard to **** your natural instincts.
Why can't I accept myself for who I really am?

Somedays I got to wonder why I am who I am.
Always piveting between two extremes.
Fighting who I should be until it catches up with me.
I'm so nervous and your words just hurt.

I got so many problems and so many deadlines,
Moving towards me as fast as a freight train.
I feel so incredibly alone now,
Why won't you stand by my side?

Yes I've always wanted to be invisible, but not to you.
Leaving this place is going to be so hard as it is.
So much love lost, my heart breaks into millions of tiny shards.
Save me?

I was falling and you grabbed me.
You lifted me up so I wouldn't have to feel the ground any longer.
The ground stole my energy.
I grew weaker, so weak that I could no longer use my senses.

Nearly dead, you shot past the demons holding me down.
You killed them single-handed, stronger than I'd ever thought.
I never called for you, perhaps I was even that weak?
Paralyzed, I was still there, stunned, unable to do anything at all.

My soul breathes, in and out, gratefully.
Doing no longer means nothing to me.
Because I nearly died once and was given another chance.
Embracing the power given to me like I never had this power before.

Blissful the wind feels my skin
Touching it smoothly, blows against it, ruffling
More and more, I find a sense of calmness.
A purity overturned, and made pure again.

Stars shine, but as they age they turn different colors.
Compacted, these aged stars of life become beautiful jewels.
But moreover, the persons mean more to us,
Because of their heart, and their character.
The love purifies our impurity somehow.

Not long ago, I was so miserable.
I wanted to take back all of those years.
I thought the pain I caused made me the most evil thing on earth.
I felt like I was nothing worth anything.
The fact that you didn't seem to care when others would've..
That made it worse.

But I have no regrets.
Everything has woven together beautifully.
And through love, purity is now pure again.
Purity in a richer form.

In the midst of gloom,
No one sees the immense pain I carry.
Fearing the worst, I always died before the actuality.
I was so immune to feeling.

This purity I feel I now have -
No it is not innocent, but it is beautiful,
Blissful, unforgettable, unimaginable.

I'm fighting for freedom in these bones
Freedom to run across great waters
Freedom to sing, to fly, to be myself.
Because maybe one day I'll find out why things are the way they are
And I won't have to fight so hard to breathe
In and out
Because someone will keep me safe
In His arms I'll be pure, untouched, perfect.
Someday - and someday will be forever
The piano sings, like I'm going to sing someday.
I can feel it. I will sing.
The voice I have now is terribly flat, but one day I will sing!
The birds have a sense of freedom, I spot them.
I grow strong with envy when I see them.
But then I think of their hardship,
And know that one day I will sing, in perfect harmony.
Pitiful things they really are,
Everyone wants total freedom.

You and I would be always talking.
Every Friday against the brick
Big kid and little kid,
Always trying to lift you up.

Your mother always hated me,
She never acknowledged me,
And we never talked again.
I bet your mom was thankful when we (my family) moved out of her apartment.

I know you've forgotten me,
But I don't really mind.
Lets just let the past be the past,
The present be the present,
And the future be the future.

When you arrived, I did not recognize you.
But really, you haven't changed at all.
You're still that little kid I knew years ago.

Do you have any idea what I'm going through?
I feel sick, sad, worthless.
Like I'm running my way to death's front door.
The stress you're putting me under -
Its hitting me harder than you ever thought it would.
And now I'm sick, and tired,
And I feel so broken!
With each new hole in my heart,
I just feel like anything I do isn't worth the doing.
Your words pierce, your lack of emotions anger me.
How can I get through this when I feel so alone?
I scream for help, and everyone just shows me how alone I really am.

Dreaming of you seems so incredibly foreign.
The blood spillt on the floor and burned the walls to the ground.
Lifeless beings we've now become.
Searching for an increased understanding.

You buried my wrists with your cuts.
You, the scavenger, taking all my blood, my life!
My walls were glass and I thought I was safe.
But, Alas, you threw your knives at them and broke them!

Confounding my anger, I became angry for so long.
Oh, how you must be so sick, because you are so cold.
I'll heal, but did you learn anything?
But you don't - you feel no guilt at all.

If you ever figured
The sunset's beams
Oh purples, oranges
Deafening the senses

The day's sun has
No comparison
Feeding the imagination
Beautifully colored

Everyone stares
Mesmerized
By the intertwining beauty
The streaks yield

If we live like there's no tomorrow
What will we find the next day?
The river, the winds plow us under
Unforgiving, continuously yearning

Never thinking in the sense
We live on for today
Humble sights in the breeze
We dearly need to find

Yesterday I was your invisible friend
Today and tomorrow, freely feeling
No drops of remembrance last
To think, to fight again

If love could form a million rainbows,
If we could all change the past,
Would we see the hurt,
The hurt that runs continuously through our veins?

People never see what their actions may adversely do.
Why do we live?
We live as if to see magic.
Sadness falls.

Great love is catchable…
But why does it take so long?
Underestimating powers in the highest of thoughts…
The unsurmisable beauty that finds relevance in our worst days.

We live, we observe everything come to pass
Heads in the clouds, thoughtless
Why does the world expect us to be so strong?
Who is strong?

So many clouds, swallowing us
I don't understand strengths.
Everyone is weak somehow.
Everyone's got their head in the clouds.

Strength and weakness are both obtainable.
Both will be obtained.
We learn strengths from the weak
and somehow become stronger in more perfect ways.

Frightening tides meet the roaring thunder
smoothly yet scornfully beating one another
onlooker's confusion masks nothing
and the devout plunder hopefully

noone sees, noone knows,
nobody ever gives a thought.
they seek to destroy each other.
Why? This is human nature?

Many quiver in the world's mirror.
They lost their innocence in the storm.
Peace will come in the calm.
How they all do want it...

Solemn slumber
Dreams lived, dreams seen
Lives so admired, always remembered
Desired you be in peace forever

The crimson purple sky even shies me
the beauty can't take this loss away
I see your faces in the clouds
Smiling down at all of us
Almost teaching us how to live.

The memories of you is what i got left
Tomorrow I see you again.
Today I only see you in my dreams.
Life is beautiful, wish you were here.

Big Oak in the front yard
Where did you come from?
How did you become?
I would die without the flowers
Laying beside you,
Your closest friends
Yes, I would die without them
But I would **** you
When the summer rain falls

Love visits you
I lay under you
Soaking up your presence
As you soak up the sun
Death won't define you
You're my forever friend
I'll take pictures of you
Your own section in my mental scrapbook
Mother Nature will keep you safe

Somedays death settles in her iron threshold;
Bodies tangle, flying towards the ends of the earth.

The old angels told me the secret of the new angels -
they told me that lilies come in autumn,
and rain comes in drought.

Why they said this,
they said they could not tell.

Bringers of secrets in the moonlit night,
bringing the secrets to the shearer’s patients
in the damp hallways of their underground hospitals.

Fiery destruction,  blood in the dungeons, deathly hollows,
broken springs, dried up wells,
parched throats, parched brains.