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 Jan 2014 Desmond Lane
Aarya
i.
you're lazy
and no one knows why
but there is still no one else
who can make me
laugh as hard
as you do

ii.
we met on accident
and you proved the unimaginable for me
oh what i wouldn't do to save you

iii.
i've never cried for a friend
as much as i have for you
you are so lovely
and i wish you were still here

iv.
i think you're the first typical best friend
i've ever had
everything
will be an adventure with you

v.
i once said
you put me in a phase
and you still do
thank you
for letting me think that you care

vi.
i love all your musical similes and metaphors
you're the only one i know who does that
you are really such a beautiful person
please don't ever change

vii.
we don't really talk as much
but you'll never know how happy it makes me
when you still get excited when we meet
i really hope you're doing okay

viii.
you really crack me up
when you tell me your future plans
about being a stripper
you are so much better than you think you are

ix.
you are so far away
but im still looking forward to the day
you open that restaurant
and watching criminal minds with you

x.
i don't really consider you a friend
but thanks anyway

xi.
i'll never forget when you just sat with me
in the middle of the quad
with my ice cream
and we talked and laughed about nothing
and everyone was looking at us
because there were empty tables around us
but we sat on the floor instead

xii.
i saved you for last
because i honestly don't know what to say
other than
you mean everything
your head isn't in the right place
but then again thats just me
because i think so highly of you
 Jan 2014 Desmond Lane
Astounding
I've peered inside what my heart hides in It's cage now
I know that I've made many mistakes for my age, how?
I'm addicted to the touch, to the ****** and the sweat
Darling,
Moan
Would you still love me through all of my regret?
If I let you hold me close, if to you my heart I gave
Would you trust that you're the one I love?
Could I be the the one you want laid on top of your grave?

If I let you kiss my scars and let you occupy my heart
Would you accept the hurt and despair?
Love my soul, and mend all of my broken parts
Pleasure me when that vicious urge for a ****** lingers in my air

I've done some things for pleasure
I've done things to please
wet eyes
"Please, don't ignore me when I'm down on my knees!"
If you knew what it meant, If you knew how I feel
I'm here for you, I'm giving myself..
That deep stinging pain inside is real
Look me in the eye, hold my cheek
Kiss me hard because your knees are weak
And when I swallow both our satisfactions,
Do not question where I learned my actions

There is a past behind me,
I'ts pawing at my memories strands
Help me forget them
Help me warm my cold hands..
Tell me it doesn't matter,
That you have me now and that I'm enough
You want me forever, for me you are tough

When someone disrespects me, will you be there to set them straight
Defend my honor, even my curious past
Fight my battles with me, vow to me that we have a love that will last
Love me even though I think you never could
Give me a love you think I deserve, and for once dear God, let it be a love that is kind, encouraging, and understood.
Now
Yesterday's long gone; burnt down to bits
Fragments of bitter and sweet memories
Tomorrow is like a bright but distant star
Like a race against the whispering breeze
 
Our hands hold no mass in gold or silver
But there's more to treasure in right now
 
The day is as rich as the night is young
While our hearts beat and our lives are
While our dreams surge and slowly burn
We'll try once more to shoot for the star
 
We'll challenge our reality; face our odds
We will live like kings; live like its our last
We'll steal moments from destiny's hold
And fabricate our own fate if we must
 
If our future should melt to a pool of lies
We'll take pride in this truth; we have now
 
We'll run in the wind; kiss in the breeze
We'll dance in the rain, play in the sand
We will wish upon Africa's noonday sun
We will conquer distance hand in hand
 
We'll smile longer. We'll laugh harder
Enjoying every moment while it's prime
We'll fight stronger. We'll dream bigger
While we still have the might and time
 
We'll live in the best way time will permit
We have all that we need if we have now
 
We'll scream louder. We will aim higher
We will hold tighter. We will learn more
We will grown older. We will be prouder
Cuz in the arms of us is what we look for
 
We'll love like it's all we've ever known
Cuz all that matters is we have right now
 
Keep Smiling
The walls give way to time. There is no way to imagine the reality of words.
As I scribe I am watched, and the words erase.
There is no meaning in paper.

The voice that comes when I call is never wrong.
It is the reality underneath the paper, underneath the meaning.
Everything we live is a colorful spectre,
a patient expression of a Self we have just forgotten.

And Self is an alien being
riding a heap of slowly rotting meat.

The reality of the universe is that even the shadows live and watch,
and time does not notice your closed eyes and hands clutching your face,
as waves of reality speak to the third.
Only then do the eyes see.

I am versed in the deeper Color, in the unreachable Shape.
There is a world that does not know what it is to cry.
Time comes through your closed fingers.

Meaning is awake and self-creating.
The waves that come are not accidents but spontaneous meaning.
Space unfolds in words, in the minds of those living on its pages.
The page is not real.

Many things coalesce in the dance of nothing,
the beauty of the perpetual unreal.
Eyes are not needed to See.
There is a meaning in Light that makes itself known through the Word.

Everything is a record that closes in on itself,
and eyes are closed meaning that leaves
the memory of Sight, and were my eyes gone
I could still see the waves of time exploding from my self-aware Sight,
for I am the bearer of Meaning greater than Shape can express.

The excess of Meaning must be wrought on the Page,
on worlds of our own imagining.
There is a truth in the telling.
Automatic writing, divine moments of truth.
1.18.14 @ 8pm Pacific. ☉ in 29º ♑, ☾ in 1º ♍, dies ♄.
 Jan 2014 Desmond Lane
Aeschylus
Up and lead the dance of Fate!
Lift the song that mortals hate!
Tell what rights are ours on earth,
Over all of human birth.
Swift of foot to avenge are we!
He whose hands are clean and pure,
Naught our wrath to dread hath he;
Calm his cloudless days endure.
But the man that seeks to hide
Like him (1), his gore-bedewèd hands,
Witnesses to them that died,
The blood avengers at his side,
The Furies' troop forever stands.

O'er our victim come begin!
Come, the incantation sing,
Frantic all and maddening,
To the heart a brand of fire,
The Furies' hymn,
That which claims the senses dim,
Tuneless to the gentle lyre,
Withering the soul within.

The pride of all of human birth,
All glorious in the eye of day,
Dishonored slowly melts away,
Trod down and trampled to the earth,
Whene'er our dark-stoled troop advances,
Whene'er our feet lead on the dismal dances.

For light our footsteps are,
And perfect is our might,
Awful remembrances of guilt and crime,
Implacable to mortal prayer,
Far from the gods, unhonored, and heaven's light,
We hold our voiceless dwellings dread,
All unapproached by living or by dead.

What mortal feels not awe,
Nor trembles at our name,
Hearing our fate-appointed power sublime,
Fixed by the eternal law.
For old our office, and our fame,
Might never yet of its due honors fail,
Though 'neath the earth our realm in unsunned regions pale.
 Jan 2014 Desmond Lane
RC
Borderline Personality Disorder.

1. The other day I woke up and thought I knew who I was
I fell asleep and somewhere in between I lost myself
I lost the feeling in my stomach too
but we're still talking about how much we have in common.

2. My sweater got stuck on the hanger this morning
I started to rip it down
eventually I broke plastic and skin.
I haven't been back in my room since.

3. 12:06 PM Today my best friend came home and took most of our makeup
12:07 PM I messaged her and mocked our friendship.
12:07 PM She was in trouble with her grandma and had to hurry. She didn't know.
12:08 PM I broke down crying.

4. I woke up at 7:32 AM and took 4 shots
drank 2 beers
smoked four bowls
drank half a bottle of NyQuil and woke up the next day.
I have yet to figure out why.

5. I wanted to be a horse trainer for 9 years
then I decided I wanted to be an artist
worked on becoming a tattoo artist
matured into a writer
fell in love with photography
now I'm not even sure if I like school.

6. First scars appeared at 9
worst scars at 15.
First attempt at 10
almost wasn't an attempt at 14.

7. I've been happy the past few days
but I still want to **** myself
because soon I'll be drowning in depression
and succumbing to anxiety.

9. Once I got so bored
I thought myself into sorrow.
I didn't come out for a few hours
but by dinner I was laughing.

10. I used to be in love with a boy
but I didn't know
so I used whatever I could get
and now I'm alone.
I don't blame him.

11. I've mentally lost myself
as I screamed into the mirror
and it wasn't me talking to myself.
I don't really remember being there
but I was.
 Jan 2014 Desmond Lane
Someone
Reek havoc on my skin
I know I'll never be the same again
Forever scarred, forever red
No longer do I say prayers before bed
I try to stop, yet the temptation..
Redemption can't find me here
I've fallen too far down
My face seems forever set in this frown
Drowning in a sea of emotions, just going through the motions
You can't stop me now
I don't deserve a crown,
I deserve to drown
You smell like cigarettes and old books,
Taste like the salt of regret.
Eyes as brown as your leather jacket,
Silence as cold as the night we spent
Laughing and kissing.

I should have known-
The night was so cold and you
Covered my shoulders as if to
Distract me from the ice behind
Your warm embrace.

I should have known-
You only looked me in the eye
When physicality transcended
And you had me in your grasp.
Lust is the only emotion
Eyes don’t betray.

I should have known-
Brown is so warm.
Yet you love the snow.
I'll probably read this in the morning and hate how terrible this poem is, but I had to get it off my chest.
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