derailed-trains

derailed-trains Jan 2019

3:14 AM

I had hopes of getting better. Things we're going right, you know? Sure, there were stumbles, but it was okay. Days don't always end with contented sunsets. Soldier on, I say. Bad things don't last forever. We got past this before, and we will do so again. I still forget to eat. Sometimes. But, hey I've been sleeping longer. That's an improvement, right? I plan on maintaining my new sleeping pattern. I'm still apprehensive of the future. But aren't we all? At least now I'm more convinced that I can do this. But, what if I lose this renewed resolve along the way? It always happens. Anyway, I'll cross the bridge when I get there. I'm trying to change things around, at least that's what I tell myself, yet I've been burning more cigarettes lately. That new sleeping pattern I told you about? I broke it today.

derailed-trains Jan 2019

Untitled

the pictures begin to switch one by one
as if to tell a story of vibrant hope
the clicks on the kaleidoscope slightly increase in tempo
the backgrounds merge
the hues start to fade

Who knew that along the way we'd stop seeing life in color?

-

derailed-trains Nov 2018

Untitled

winds moving like a woman scorned, hell-bent on exacting tribulation on anything that blocks her way
like no one would be left unscathed after
like her pitiful path would look like our old home now
like a run for your life else you get knocked down on your feet and get carried away kind
and yet, you stay rooted in anticipation
wondering how something so invisible could be
so harsh
and unrelenting
and merciless
maybe this stillness in the face of danger is your fight or flight response
only you got stuck in the point where you freeze on the spot
and there, in utter helplessness,
you hold your breath and
brace yourself for the impact

as the collision nears you remember that this has happened before, in other forms, in previous times, and you always come out breathing (barely, but alive still) and maybe, just maybe, you'll be able to survive yet again

derailed-trains Nov 2018

Untitled

the amnesia lane to my heart is littered with derailed trains and debris from car collisions/ the stop signs now read tried and tired/ i'm struggling to go on every time i am reminded that things have gone awry/ but i really tried, you know?/ because i had high hopes in the beginning that we could make this work/ i went to the cemetery to mourn for all the time i wasted/ and all the chances i forgone where i could've treated myself better/ these self-loathing sessions keep coming in waves like how downpours go on for days/ sometimes it holds me hostage indoors/ but some days i dance in the rain

so how's failing at life going?

derailed-trains Nov 2018

let's not call it quits

hey. the morning skies looked like they held the secret ingredient for a perfect day. should have taken that as a bad sign. harmless mornings don't always translate into lenient nights. i think i'll never get over this hurdle that keeps appearing on my chest. i'm always anticipating that the ship we're on is bound to crash and sink even when the seas are calm. i'm tired of looking for handkerchiefs in the places we cried in, or in waiting for an embrace after falling off a cliff. i knew that it would hurt, but you were supposed to make the impact a little less painful. i think i'll always long for that reassurance that never came. you made me familiarize abandonment. who wouldn't? when you always sailed away every time i needed an anchor. this was supposed to be another apology letter, you know. even if you should be the one doing the apologizing. well, here goes my apology. but only because this turned out to be a confession. and... **** it, i admit, i, too, have failed to do right by you.

this thing in my chest keeps on feeling, i don't want it anymore.

Oct 2018

Pudge

The Gatsby Effect

there are some kisses that I could have sworn
it would never end.
there are some hugs that I wish could stop time
if only I just squeeze the person tight enough.
there are some goodbyes I hope I'll never have to say,
there are eulogies that I don't want to hear
and there are songs that I don't ever want to end.

I'm agnostic but sometimes I pray
for the moon not to go down when I'm with you.
I beg for it to hold on for at least a few more hours
before dawn takes over but it never does.

if there's one thing I've learned it's:
no matter how much you beg, plead or promise
happiness is always fleeting from our fingertips.
happiness is never truly "yours",
it is simply just your turn to smile.

Ted made it rain for Robin,
but here I am trying to stop time for you.

Oct 2018

Pudge

To My Kind Editor

I will love you with no regards as to who you've loved before me. No matter who has tasted your oh so precious lips before they met mine.

I will love you no matter who hates you or who loves you, or who loves hating you. I will love you no matter who you love or who you hate, or who you hate loving.

I will love you no matter what a certain group of people say about us, even if this certain group of people are your friends, my friends, or our parents.

I will love you as a novel loves being read and as the reader loves reading a certain quote that he found on the internet that convinced him to buy the novel and how that certain quote loves being revised online as to fool someone's followers on Twitter that it was his own.

I will love you no matter how many typos you have when drunk texting me, or drunk texting someone else who, I hope to God, isn't your ex.

I will love you no matter what songs you sing in the shower, no matter how wrong the lyrics are or if you're out of tune, or even if you don't take showers at all.

I will love you as a graphic artist loves drawing his favorite stroke, even if his professor says it's not the right way it should be done.

I will love you as a certain DJ loves playing his favorite remix, even if the crowd hates The 1975 remixes because they're too biased to appreciate it.

I will love you no matter what bands break up next year and no matter what bands get back together and pull out another Fall Out Boy.

I will love you even if the clowns stop laughing at their own jokes, even if the priests start questioning their own homily sermons, or even when the masses stop laughing at the priest's jokes at homily.

I will love you even if you stop correcting my works even when you grow tired of my mistakes, not only my grammatical ones but the ones I make literally.

I will love you no matter what color your hair is or if you wear contacts to sleep or not. I will love you even if you stop tracing my lips as I fall asleep beside you, even if you steal the blankets at the coldest of nights.

I will love you even if you regret meeting me and that you allowed me to woo you with my saccharine tongue.

That is how I will love you, so please just don't regret loving me.