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derailed-trains Mar 2019
the pitter-patter of children's feet
resemble the pounding in my chest
only... it's more painful
like the children are suddenly
competing who could stomp
their feet the hardest
i can't control how
my heart beats...
how it skips...
or how it falters
i only know that it hurts
in the most random of times
like... it wants to escape my chest
like... it no longer wants to stay there
out of the blue
out of nowhere
as if it's really out
to take me by surprise
(like a myocardial infarction)
to knock the breath out
of my lungs
to **** the strength out of
of my knees
huh // 01-22-19
derailed-trains Feb 2019
dinadama kung saan nagmumula
ang aray, ang kirot,
ang sakit
baka maaring malunasan,
kung alam natin ang puno -
ang dahilan
kung bakit may aray -
may kumikirot,
may nasasaktan
derailed-trains Jan 2019
I had hopes of getting better. Things we're going right, you know? Sure, there were stumbles, but it was okay. Days don't always end with contented sunsets. Soldier on, I say. Bad things don't last forever. We got past this before, and we will do so again. I still forget to eat. Sometimes. But, hey I've been sleeping longer. That's an improvement, right? I plan on maintaining my new sleeping pattern. I'm still apprehensive of the future. But aren't we all? At least now I'm more convinced that I can do this. But, what if I lose this renewed resolve along the way? It always happens. Anyway, I'll cross the bridge when I get there. I'm trying to change things around, at least that's what I tell myself, yet I've been burning more cigarettes lately. That new sleeping pattern I told you about? I broke it today.
derailed-trains Jan 2019
the pictures begin to switch one by one
as if to tell a story of vibrant hope
the clicks on the kaleidoscope slightly increase in tempo
the backgrounds merge
the hues start to fade

Who knew that along the way we'd stop seeing life in color?

derailed-trains Nov 2018
looked for strength in times of weakness
found collapsed pillars instead
derailed-trains Nov 2018
winds moving like a woman scorned, hell-bent on exacting tribulation on anything that blocks her way
like no one would be left unscathed after
like her pitiful path would look like our old home now
like a run for your life else you get knocked down on your feet and get carried away kind
and yet, you stay rooted in anticipation
wondering how something so invisible could be
so harsh
     and unrelenting
         and merciless
maybe this stillness in the face of danger is your fight or flight response
only you got stuck in the point where you freeze on the spot
and there, in utter helplessness,
you hold your breath and
brace yourself for the impact

as the collision nears you remember that this has happened before, in other forms, in previous times, and you always come out breathing (barely, but alive still) and maybe, just maybe, you'll be able to survive yet again
derailed-trains Nov 2018
the amnesia lane to my heart is littered with derailed trains and debris from car collisions/ the stop signs now read tried and tired/ i'm struggling to go on every time i am reminded that things have gone awry/ but i really tried, you know?/ because i had high hopes in the beginning that we could make this work/ i went to the cemetery to mourn for all the time i wasted/ and all the chances i forgone where i could've treated myself better/ these self-loathing sessions keep coming in waves like how downpours go on for days/ sometimes it holds me hostage indoors/ but some days i dance in the rain
so how's failing at life going?
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