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994 · Oct 2016
I'm Sorry
You should ask my lover if I am a good person
He'll tell you all about the girl he fell in love with
He'll tell you how through his eyes she was perfect
And all of her mental disorders became nothing

But what is happening to me?
I started to let go of myself
I started to not care about anything anymore
You might think he left but all he told me was "I can handle it"

And what did I do?
I left him because of the circumstances we were in
Because my parents hate him and seeing him was too hard
I no longer saw light at the end of the tunnel
Nor with him, nor with myself

I am such  a bad person
I drive those who are good to me away
And I attract those who are bad to me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

You know, I get this image of us dancing together in serenity
In a place where we are no longer bothered by the circumstances
It's not fair that I don't get to choose anything anymore
As I write in tears I remember what we used to be
And how we never got our last first dance
907 · Jul 2016
Has this become my life?
Has this become my life?
Writing poems that few people take their time to read
Looking at the walls, windows, and shadows hoping to see light
Waiting to have a social life again

Has this become my life?
Waiting anxiously for a friend to call or text
Knowing that I can only count them with one hand
One hand because there are restrictions set upon my life

Has this become my life?
Talking to thyself in the middle of the living room
Listening to music and thinking of what could have been
Looking at thyself in the mirror and controling the tears
Painting my face with no ocation just because I'm bored

Has this become my life?
Overthinking each past situation
Realizing every mistake with agony
Looking at the sky and screaming why

Has this become my life?
Whispering to myself that it's all gonna be okay
Meanwhile listening to others enjoying the outside
Trying to be better in a bubble
Being judged by every single present mistake or action

Has this become my life?
Being the center of attention at home
Driving to doctors here and there, there and here
Getting labs done every once in a while

Has this become my life?
My entire future lying in the hands of others
Proffessionals determining which pills I should pop
Parents restricting my social life
Listening to every opinion of what I should do with my life

Has this become my life?
Bursting into tears in my mothers arms
Accepting only professionals and mom to unburden me
Denying help from others because the anger exceeds the forgivenes

Has this become my life?
YES.
Copyright under Delilah Wine Williams
"Has this become my life?" is a literal excerpt from episodes in my life.
905 · Jul 2016
Hurting
My poems are better when I'm hurting
I can connect more with people and bond through the pain
My poems are better when I'm hurting
Everything is seen through tears and lust

My poems are bad when I'm happy
I see everything in a positive way
I find no critics to say
My poems are bad when I'm happy
Usually writers connect through life experiences (the bad ones mostly)
My poems are bad when I'm happy
No one likes to read a perky girl's poem

My poems are excell when I'm fading
I see the moon and start talking about it
You see the loneliness drives me to this
My poems excell when I'm fading
I talk about lust and people suddenly recall old memories
Copyright Delilah Wine Williams
811 · Oct 2016
Dear Sorrow
Dear sorrow, I plead for you to go away
You keep returning and I don't like your hello's
You keep consuming my body and I am tired
In this world I want to STAY

Dear sorrow, stop taking away my pride
You make me loose each opportunity for respect
You make me have "Pity" from others commonly
And I hate for that fact, I want to hide

Dear sorrow, stop making me go seek Mary Jane
With her I no longer see you for a few hours
With her I am taken by the hand and we dance joyfully for hours
Am I still sane?

Dear sorrow, it is your fault that I do not know what is right and wrong
I have made bad choices, too many so far
I have died internally so many times
I identify myself through every sad song
copyright under Delilah Wine Williams
761 · Jul 2016
Nine year old
I was once shy
I always asked myself why?
"Be different" I whispered to my nine year old self
I recalled that at the time I hated myself

And so I bloomed into this wildflower
I became spontaneous, daring, unique, strange, intelligent yet naive
And so the problems started

You see I wanted to be different
But I didn't know the cost
I didn't know the cost until I became seventeen
You might think it was just the phase of a teen

But NO
As I layed in the ground watching everything pass by I died on the inside
I became consumed to the point of hide

"Be different" "Be accepted" "Be skinny" whispered the nine year old
I tried and I'm sorry for wanting that mold
"I'm sorry" I whisper to my seventeen year old self because the agony was not worth it

I thought drugs and alcohol was lit
I thought boys and women were ****
I thought comments were superficial
I thought social media made me official

Dear nine year old,
bullying made you weary
Tears made you strong
Thoughts killed you
And comments surrounded you but that is gone
That is past
Who are we to judge others?
GOD?
Who are we to comment?
GOD?
Who are we to feel?
Us.
Copyright Delilah Wine Williams
570 · Dec 2017
My virginity
You were my poison and I was your cure
You were rotten and I was pure
It was my flower
I didn't know I was the girl of the hour
How could you do this?
It all started with a kiss
The kiss of sweet unholy death
I was pure, until you took my breath
It was like being caught in a downward spiral
My feelings were never vital
I didn't know that either
He said "me neither"
copyright under Delilah wine williams
492 · Dec 2016
Why me?
He asked the professional, the mature, & the kind-hearted for consult
All of them told him "it's not your fault"
But he could not get that through his head
He thought that something was wrong with him, so many articles he read

Sadly, he was psychologically affected by the psychologically conflicted
Although their effort to demean him went in vain
Although their goal was to make him go insane
It wasn't accomplished because he ran away from his problems

They thought this game was funny
That the prejudice would not consume him in endless depth
Everyone thought his last words before he left were "help"
But all he screamed to the sky was "I want to understand, why me?

He never got his answer from the bullies
& he left behind a lot of things when he ran away
Could you blame them? For no matter how hard he tried, he was criticized
Was the decision he made correct?

Why him?
For he was one of the kind-hearted
Mercy was all he deserved & mercy only did he see when he was broken
He lost all faith in God for he was broken
& this developed a new kind of prejudice in his long list  
Judge not what you have not lived

I am tired of all the injustice, the prejudice
But I will not be like you
I will do something...
veridict
466 · Sep 2016
My mind and heart
I want to be happy forever
Sadly nothing is forever
My grandma said "study, forget men"
Something I should of done was listen
We always do something we regret
And I haven't forgotten yet
I haven't forgotten all the mistakes
Because I put everything at stake
I became the lover of many
I kissed many
My heart forgot how to feel
And it all didn't seem real
I was loosing myself
How could I help thyself?
The obsession of men grew bigger
But I loved neither
I only loved once in my life
And I wish I had become his wife
I miss him and it's ridiculous to say
That after a year I wish he would of stayed
I should have listened to my grandma and avoid love
But my heart could not avoid love!
I now suffer the consequence of the broken hearted
And I still wish he wouldn't have parted
I have to let go, trust me I know
But my mind set does not let me know
That I still love him so
That I still want him so
To my mind his just another guy
To my heart he is the only guy
How can my heart and mind understand each other?
If they cannot stand one another
Copyright under Delilah Wine
444 · Jul 2016
Writing
I don't know what to write
Should I say something poetic?
Or shall I be informal during this poem?
We ask ourselves these questions often

I take the time to sit and write
Meanwhile others take the time to procrastinate, drink or smoke
Shall I gift myself a trophy or cake for doing so?
No, I am not flaunting myself
I am stating a reality

One might baffle thyself into thinking "Is writing a procrastination?"
No my friend, writing renders our thoughts to others
It is a way of venting our feelings to the world
Copyright Delilah Wine Williams
426 · Jul 2016
Escape
As I lay in bed I wonder, I lust, I daydream, I love, I try, I fade
It's my little world, the escape from reality
The mere concept of it fascinates me a perfect world
Each of us design one in our heads at a point in our lives
And once we dream of it, we will continue to exalt it

Thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking
We  sometimes withold brilliant ideas, concepts, love, fear, lust
We close some doors without even noticing
And then comes the doubt of what could have been
Copyright Delilah Wine Williams
418 · Apr 2016
Tomorrow
Please tell me it's all gonna be okay
I have become the prey
Don't let my thoughts conduce my decay
"Help" cries my heart for my mouth to say

I know I have to care for myself
But I need a helper to love thyself
My mind cannot contain itself

The whispers upon my ear make me dreary
The screams at night make me weary
The constant endeavor of my mind to make me bleary
These all make me eerie

I might sound like a martyr
You might think I don't make effort & am a nonstarter
You need to comprehend it's all a barter
Thoughts for consumption of the mind starter

Say hello to dear old depression
Depression my suppression
My emotions are no longer my possession
Calm down mind, I don't want another repression

I wanna cry
But I also wanna try

Goodbye dear sorrow
For you there ain't a tomorrow
I need to borrow
Borrow myself more tomorrows!
Copyright Delilah Wine Williams
334 · Dec 2017
'Tis The Season
Every day I feel as if I am on the verge of tears
All of a sudden I start crying without a reason
My mascara always smears
I am supposed to be jolly, you know 'tis the season
But my heart cannot handle it anymore
I believe that I have become one of the heartbroken
Because he used to be the one who said "I love you more"
As you know, I am no longer taken
But all my tears are not because of him, I hope
Copyright under Delilah wine williams
333 · Sep 2016
Him.
I feel empty inside
Like something is missing
I think that destiny is not on my side
The only thing that feels this void is    kissing
But I do not want to be a *****
I prefer being a bore
My lips have not met others since April
My heart hasn't opened up since April
Is love what I need to fill this void?
Or is it something I should avoid?
I was told to love myself first than another
Yet I chose to love another
And so my heart got broken
And since then I haven't spoken
I have not spoken the language of love
I do not want to know of love
Nobody understands this pain
I loved him, was my effort in vain?
I know I was the one who left him
And so I became slim
I lost 30 pounds
But I thought we were meant to be bound
I had to leave him, there was no remedy
Yet I was not ready
Almost a year has past and I haven't forgotten
That he was the one who broke my heart
Copyright under Delilah Wine
331 · Sep 2016
Thoughts
I don't know what to do with my life
Besides being a lovely wife,
I want to be an indepent woman
A woman who doesn't need a man
I want a lot of riches
And a heart that does not need stitches
Riches as in love, money, values
I do not want to be a person who is shallow
I do not know what I want to study yet
And I have not met my soul mate yet
But some day my studies will flurish
And my heart will no longer perish
I sometimes live in fear of what will be
Then again, we all fear what will be
So, I know I'm not alone
When I say we have all been left alone
You might say this does not make sense
I might just all be pretence
Sir, these are the thoughts of a teen
Who does not need anyone to lean
Copyright under Delilah Wine
173 · Dec 2017
I love you
Our souls met three years ago and united as one
I never thought you could loose a soulmate
It's been two years since you left and I still love you
I know that if I saw you I would cry
Is it crazy how I still love you?
Is it crazy to say that you're my missing piece
Since you left, I've felt empty on the inside
There no cure, my remedy is you
I'm sorry I cursed at you and say all those horrible things
If I could take it back I would
I used to believe the things I said, but they were never meant to be said
As I write in the verge of tears, I just want to say "I love you"

— The End —