"I smell *** and candy here Who's that lounging in my chair? Who's that casting devious stares in my direction? Momma this surely is a dream, yeah Yeah, momma this surely is a dream"
you planted trees down my worries— grew love in all of the places i was too afraid to shine and now a forest grows in all of the corners your fingers got to know and magic leaves are dancing to your breeze
someone once told me that curiosity kills the cat and yeah maybe when you first smiled at me i wondered where you had been my whole life
and i think that's where we went wrong
just like the nights you spent telling me words in the way your language speaks them while i spent all of my belief on the movement of your mouth being the key to my soul’s wildest dreams
but magic is made up of tricks
and you sure are the master at making me think the trees from your seeds were real but lately the plastic leave have melted from the fire you had rekindled in my heart
but even if the words weren't true you gave me something bright and new and i know we all are trying to be the best versions of these humans beings so i don't blame you for being what you came here to be because really i chose you to come do these things to my heart i prayed and hoped my way to manifesting you to be there when i looked up from my lonely hands
but my god
if only you hadn't come into work that night if only i hadn’t stumbled to that side of the beach to that side of the planet if only i had done one thing differently in my past maybe just maybe then i wouldn’t have fallen into the arms of lost hope and maybe we would have never known that magic could exist in strangers that love can be felt at first sight and everything occurring now would feel real
but instead i am walking through some kind of lucid dream and i can't figure out what my room used to feel like because now it looks so unfamiliar to me just like the person i am
i can't find her
what did you do when i looked up at you some kind of unkind love spell i just want to be free...
i can't stop reading my tarot cards and hoping they will breathe happiness into me. i'm making up love spells and mumbling them into my pillow until my voice goes raw with a hope that will never knock. my heart is numb with loving so much and being loved so little. i understand now how the women of greek myths went mad with all the passion in their hearts. i feel the contents of my soul tugging the seams loose and screaming for release. i have so much to give yet no one to take it all and let me know i am not alone. how maddening it is, to love yourself and to know how very much you are worth. and to know there is no one but you to appreciate such a spirit. i want to be loved to be loved to be loved to be loved to be loved. and this desire will **** me regardless of if it is filled or not. i am the serpent in my own garden i am poisoning myself.
you wish to buy my meat. the butcher's cut is ripe and cheap; a fresh-faced lamb of london streets and everybody craves a piece.
*******. ribs. thighs. money is no issue and they'll all see you gloat: "my spread-eagled angel will be gnawed down to bone." (god knows there's no heart in the matter.)
you wish to play the maggot. you want your prey half-dead. my flesh rots and decays on your tongue, bloodied on the slab of your mattress.