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So, there's this boy that I like.

He's everything I could want in a guy.

And there's this boy that I love.

He's everything I could want in a guy.

They're best friends.

They're both falling harder for me every day.

This
is
Stressful.
The cycle goes on and on, but I don't know how to stop.
I don't know how to control myself.
I don't know how to be normal. I don't know how to care less about the way I look.
The slight changes get to me.
The gained 0.1 lbs.
The stressed fabric of my jeans.
The inability to look away from the mirror.
I'm not anorexic, I'm just critical.
I walk through these hallways.
So silent. Just trying to get to class.
I move at a quick pace because I can't stand
To see everyone look away as I pass.
I sit down alone in the back of the room.
I pay attention to the teacher,
But sometimes I zone out.
Sometimes I think about boys, or hair,
Or all of the people who refuse to care.
The sub gives us busy work, so I look around the room.
I see everyone chatting and having
Their pointless teenage conversations.
I do my work silently until the bell rings. It's too easy.
I move from class to class,
Just hoping the time will pass
A little faster than it usually does.
Nothing really matters anymore, really.
My friends don't talk to me.
My ex boyfriend just looks at me funny.
I obsess over my weight; my hair; my skin.
I am not used to this. I am not used to changing all the time.
I used to be outgoing; magnificent; popular; funny.
Now I'm just awkward; quiet; alone; unhappy.
High school makes me miserable,
but at least I have good grades.
This was kind of random.
There's no pattern.
This is just how I feel.

— The End —