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lara Apr 23
This world keeps disappointing me
and I realize now how
lucky I was to have met you,
such a fateful night ago.
Of all the ships and stars
and silly obligations,
we were two fools walking
barefoot down the streets
of a lantern-lit overripe spring night.
God, the night never ended,
and you
never answered my questions.
You were perfect that way,
always let me think
you were infinite and
I, the cleverest thing you'd ever met.
You loved me so easily and
it scared me to no end
that I knew you'd left.
lara Jan 25
There are so many photos of me on that roll of film. I do not know if he will still develop them. Both he and I know that I am living in that camera of his. I refuse to get rid of all those memories, so new and now faded. Silly drunken kisses and smiles and holding hands and laughter. Those were some of my brightest days, no matter how flimsy the flame was. Even if we were nothing to each other and now it stings to see him. I will not torch the memories. For nothing is as beautiful as melting film and still I will remain, my sepia seeped smiles. I will look so sweet, just as naive as you always thought me to be. Because I was just as much a part of those memories as you were and with the good comes the bad so cut me out if you will.

Cut me out of your film, I do not much mind.
I always loved a smudged lens until it was turned onto me, and mine to him
lara Dec 2018
, I thought the pain wasn't so bad,
if it came wrapped and entangled
with an unfeasible longing and
remnants of sweet memories
which prolonged my desire
to be with him.
which were a curse in all their nature
and served to hurt me more
in the long run
but which I clung to
with every fiber of my being
because he was a god to me
and I had captivated him
if just for a moment.
he was a blind, shivering god and I worshiped him irregardless and dumbly.
lara Dec 2018
We were but two ships
passing in the night sky.
While I spent too much time
staring at him and wondering
why I had never noticed him,
he never saw me because
I was not what he was looking for.
We were two sailors
setting different courses,
sailing different seas.
I would go the ends of the earth
for what I sought and the
ends of the earth would always
come up to greet his shining face.

But I could not change him,
I could not change any of them.
He will never see how I see and
that is how I must leave him.
He will be beautiful,
yes, but he will never be like me,
and it becomes so hard because
in those moments,
when we meet
and the dim light of the moon
spills out on us like
a meeting too clandestine for
two people who
barely know each other,
I forget all reason and rationale and
I want to break down
into everything that
he has ever sought after,
whatever that may be.
you cannot change him and that is how you must leave him.

— The End —