Oxygen doesn't seem to like me
And I cant seem to like it
I wish for my lung to close up
I wish for a rope to wrap around my throat
I wish for knife to rip my heart
I wish to say goodbye to this life
life
Its so painful
I cannot bare
I cannot think
All I can do is hurt myself
While in process of gluing the pieces of my broken heart

The girl at the check out
Clutching the chips and dollar
Gives me an ache
Like a warning shot
In my stomach.

The boy keeping up
Behind his brothers
Gives me an ache
Like filling a balloon
To capacity.

The ******* duel-bladed skates
Bundled like the Michelin Man
Pushing a chair
Gives me an ache
Like a rip in my father's heart.

The one on the hall floor
Eating before his locker
As the gang's off to McDonald's
Gives me an ache
Like an airborne ball
As the buzzer sounds.

The one in the corner of the class,
With cuffs pulled down
And a tattooed razor blade
On the back of the neck
Worries me.

I NEED YOU. HAVE I NOT MADE THAT CLEAR? I WANT TO HEAR SWEET LITTLE NOTHINGS WHISPERED IN MY EAR. I WISH I WASN'T WRITHING FOR A DRINK OR A DRUG TO CLEAR MY MIND OF ALL THE ***** THOUGHTS YOU LEFT BEHIND. TOO MUCH TO HANDLE? UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE CENTURY!!! I NEED YOU, BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE I WANT YOU TO NEED ME.*

*please

EVERYWHERE I LOOK, I SEE GHOSTS.

At every tortured bend and darkened hallway, I see you;

And me. And the smiles up against the walls and the laughter jumping through your hair.

I see my insides tied tightly to the spots where we mumbled and fumbled and

took

our

time.

I see shadows of guilt stretched across our history and - like some queer carnival attraction - my Hopelessness cast them.

I feel broken memories catching in my eyes like old, worn hooks.

I taste laughter and love at the back of my throat:

Tickling some hardened part of me :

Making me to and fro’.

And as much as I suffer for the crimes I took joy in,

I know you,

And you suffer for it all the more.

My smile is a camouflage
Too disguise my broken heart
It's only fair to keep my suffering heart hidden
It wouldn't be polite to make my loved ones suffer
By watching me suffer

I remember the bits of gold painted in your eyes
Just like I remember the way you'd look at me as if I was the most beautiful girl in the world

I remember the roughness of your gently hands
Just like I remember the feeling of your arms around me

I remember the way you would kiss me
Just like I remember the tingly feeling of your lips against mine

I remember the love that we once shared
Just like I remember this feeling of not belonging to you anymore

I remember the way you spoke I love you
Just like I remember the way you spoke goodbye

*I will never forget you my one true love.

Sitting on a chair
The color of yellow
Made if plastic and metal

Wearing tight ripped skinny jeans
With warm snug boots
That just so happenly to be planted upon a table

Widow by my left side
Giving view of a chilly day
Blue sky painted with gray clouds
And trees filled with branches and no leaves

Tick tock tick tock
Says the clock on my right side
Time is too slow
This class is too long
Just another ordinary boring day at school

Every word was a chisel strike
This will be my end

Because I saw
I saw the cracks emerge
Wiry and askew like Death's hands
I saw my pieces fall
Dust was heavy on my back
I saw the hammer strike
Earthquakes of organs that skin can't contain

Then I heard
I heard adoration of a work of art
Created with a master's touch
I heard compliments and praise
The most beautiful things never ask to be seen
I heard words unsaid
Tears and silence are languages we're fluent in, but scared to speak