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We tend to not appreciate it,
To ignore the calls of our winged friends,
To scorn the helpful and forgiving earth that holds the seeds of time,
To frown at the kind and sometimes harsh tears of the land,
To taint the once pristine surface with deception and broken promises.

As I sit, I feel the mournful wind as it carries the dry dead leaves to forbidden places.
I see the clouds frown and growl, their pallors darkening with bottled up anger , fuming , waiting, for an unforgiving outburst.
I feel a slight chill in the air , foreseeing a cold and ruthless near future.
Finally ,our winged companions flee, leaving us stranded in our selfishness.

Now I sit , and wait
Waiting for the sky to open with a smile of vengeance , to release upon us our well deserved undoing.

I raise my arms prepared for the blow , my last stand, but it doesn't come.
All that anger , all that sadness went as swiftly as it came, gone with the wind.
And out comes the sun , with its redeeming and forgiving light, Illuminating each surface , filling each recipient with a sense of regret ,  guilt
But that too becomes unimportant as we gather our tools of pain, prepared for another sunny day of betraying the forgiving nature as we swing , chop , throw away, deceive and manipulate like the cruel beings we've now become
As much as I hate to admit
Long ago
In chapters far before this one
I was addicted
And let's not forget
How much I miss the
Oh so wonderful taste
Of alcohol lingering in my mouth
A wise man once told me
If you live for nothing
You will die for anything
There are choices to make and*  choices  that make  **you
92713
Talking to me
Not even noticing
That I've been crying
Life is so ruff
So many mistakes
So many rain drops on my cheeks
I make mistakes
So do you
It's not even that serious
So don't be mad

I don't need you
I only allow you in
If I want you in
Don't tell me I need you
I'm fine with being alone

But I'll still shed a year
If you decide to disappear

I'm sorry if your mad
If your angry
Or disappointed
But it's not even that serious

I say I don't care
But now
In the moment
I'd like three things
A blunt
A blade
And some alcohol
next time our eyes meet
i will tell your subconscious
  to keep me in your dreams

John. I haven't read one letter since you left. I'm scared to open an envelope and see the same note you left before you let your dreams, goals, days all hang from a rope. To be honest I don't know what it was that you needed to hear, what words could've saved your life. But I can say that old coffee shop feels emptier. My room feels colder. My eyes look darker. I don't smile at seasons changing anymore. I've been avoiding all mirrors because I can't bare to see myself without you.
    You were the best person I've ever met. It almost seemed unfair that I let such a perfect person be with a broken mess like me. You were so funny and the way your eyes lit up when you told a story...Oh God. I'm not religious but when you looked at me that way I thought we were both going to hell. Your laugh was all I needed to make a bad day better, oh what I would do to make you laugh.
   I know you hated long car rides and you knew I hated distance. Who knew 6 feet could feel longer than 100,000 miles.? Because now you're resting underground and I don't sleep without sleeping pills. I miss you so much. I miss you. I miss you.
I love you.
At one point in my life
I was a grenade
Waiting for the perfect moment
To destroy everything that I loved

At this point in my life
I am a sun
Waiting to shine bright
To make the darkness disappear

*Everything is finally falling into place.
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