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I had a bad day.
One of those that
started while
I was sleeping.

Shaking hands
and a heart racing
like the horses
in the Kentucky Derby.

I kept my mind blank,
on purpose, you know.
How is it that
all of a sudden,
every bad memory
comes to mind and
turns me into
jelly?

This day is odd.
Everything off.
Someone looks at me.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes, I am."
It's a small lie, but that
is the answer they expect.

They don't want to know
anything, except
that everything is okay.
They don't want
to know
the bad things.
Because that makes
them uncomfortable.

The sort of
uncomfortableness
that makes you itch.

I roll, and
take a ****.
I smoke my
closest friend.
You know the one.

I forget the bad,
I float in space,
and watch that someone
stumble and fall.
Too much to drink.

I prefer nature
to help me with my
bad days.
You should never leave me alone at night with my thoughts.
It's more dangerous than leaving a baby in a hot car.
I'll literally **** myself with my thoughts and most if the time that's all they are,
Thoughts.
And right now I'm that baby and its over 100 degrees in this car.
There's no window that lets me breathe.
There's no room for screaming for help when you know no one can hear you.
And slowly the heat will **** me.
You're supposed to be that freak Texas weather snow storm that saves me.
Instead you remain a steady Arizona heat.
And I'm choking in my own air.
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