I speak the right words, but they fall from a heart out of tune
Intrusively lucid—
while the world hums in illusion, spouting sense that makes none
Aimless walking through loud laughters
irritated at echoes of joy
Contradictions cradle me
innocence hand in hand with experience,
dissonance brushing up against self-clearance
I love what I know of the love I hold within
The sacred blood seeping through the cracks of my mind,
filling me with the will to stretch this life beyond decay
A double life—E.H. Taylor for me and red wine for the floosies
Congrats to the self-aware, souls floating in shared air
Writing, applying, testing what tomorrow will catch
I wake to a burning light
grateful still, through the blur of pain
I forgot where it began—LOL
Cardio and party time
Bar Leos and smarty-nosed muses, these are the tides’ offerings—
feelings we chase then drop in a whim
With nothing to lose, there is nothing to attain
only a return to the raw conditions, the pulse of what always is
Moment to moment without the lens of perception,
life unfolds through me without my doing
Seeing through the mirage of the doer,
solidities dissolve—
I acquire what I want without desire
No resistance in any instance, motivations rise effortlessly
No status to chase;
I let go of my “control” over nature
The relative and the ultimate become one
Locationless in a world of coordinates
no exception to experience
I feel light today, bouncy,
one breath at a time,
shape-shifting
A conscious meltdown swells—there’s no one to forgive,
only to remember
I expect nothing now
from the people I seem to love, just playing with controls
to master victories and tragedies
The result remains the same beneath my lens
Relationships bloom, others wilt....
love to lose soon, others yet to rise while I stand in eternal dusk
Cycles to evade & patterns to erase.... better now than too late
I polish the words I thought were myself
Complete from the start // I need no validation
I translate my experience into imagination,
earn my freedom to move on
Imaginary pains I once inflicted
holographic anguish I no longer fear
Death cannot hold me
I live inside isolation until I reach the heavens
and merge with duality entire
Master of masks,
I drift and dissolve—
breathing the truth
I’ve always been

aching for the fire that shaped my soul, the passions I buried return in soft hues
as if the ghost of Nemesio Antunez paints behind my eyes
a flame dimmed, but never gone, at the bottom of the pond echoing songs
efforts to rekindle the natural flow, the irony
I watch myself become the sky, in the spiral we despise
for lack of better words / doors cracked, doves settle, & swords cut the lure
eyes dim behind the warped doors, beyond the void God is studying me
the mental year / the distant shore / intrinsic manure & static tears
lusting over erratic fears, the choice to check out is only yours
what if my mind remembers what the soul refuses to forget?
the mental year!.!.!.! / calendar carved in chaos and mirrors cracking inwards... glaring intensely
the clinging of a million feelings, weighing down this dying star... me (David) or whatever
sorrows of the mind / escape the signs / keep my eyes blinded and my heart 1 sided
juggling feelings in her indecision, dissolving truths in a blurred revision
"WHO'S CHECKING WHO WHEN WE GET TOO PROUD AND A LITTLE DISHONEST?" - Mk.gee
stitching thoughts together with my false precision, colliding distant hearts in a quiet collision
I wonder and wonder about experiential renditions of my superstitions  
some nights never end, they just echo somewhat... softer / i remember the feeling not the time
maybe I can find the lover in me, or create a better me....
I forget the words to songs but I remember the silences, I need to work on that
perhaps there’s nothing to find, but to unveil
stirring thoughts with a fiery oak spatula, some kind of style eh?
single barrell, background blasting Daryl, bouncing off the walls feral
you can't reference my sentence without custom tinted lenses, my stupid perception of this hollow dimension... extensions of our subjective experience
looking at smiles I’ll forget, maybe I was only meant to be remembered, not understood.. but you feel me
passing tensions / the lack of sensations / hands once warm now hold suspicion
world of musings, burn the script and the notes that stroke my ego and make me bricked the **** up!!!!
I’m bored at work today.
Think a thot up until it’s a vanishing thought.
chefs kiss
peace with both hands like Nixon
Oh my my; another deep *** sigh, this some sauce

there was never anything to believe in to begin with
my faith is a delusion
visions to erase
my mind distraught and at ease
deep confusion
here I am again, sulking in this great despair
in my dream we named her Adela, and I remembered a reality before that
Imagine dreaming of a daughter unborn…
visions of her crying in your stomach… to feel that… to feel it all
Part of me remembered that I discussed that with you (my love)
A glimpse of her face
My universe changed, it’s always too good to be true…
my longing resurfaces when I browse through our photos, a broken journey
I never feared loving too much
Give myself away to see this through
Give myself away through honesty
Repercussions out of thin air
Dreaming with you always
Don’t want the memories to fade away
I want to remember what it feels to watch you enjoy a meal, sweet little moments that help me sleep
I don’t want to forget, but I can’t take it
Crippling sensations
It’s been a long day, it’ll be a long week…
Month… year… shattered dreams
My imagination runs wild when I think of the possibility of us…
Intentions gone to waste… time I’d never give back for a trillion gazillion times 4 plus infinity dollars…
I’d take an hour with you in my arms over a life where I never met you… so I wouldn’t feel this way… this… broken…
Though the pieces are scattered… I must know I’m whole
Misconceptions will destroy me…. To believe she is gone
To be a ghost in this world… my love
I think you’re gone…
What’s a lasting love
I’m going to end this one here
Imagining what it would be like to be laughing together
My world… senseless
Little memories that’ll last me a life time…
Happy knowing I can love someone this way… even if they don’t want to love me back
I must
I will…
i hope it isn't a crime to long for the only truth i want to believe
you

too many lies have made me blind

i'm just trying to make myself feel and be better, but i wasn't a great partner.. always two sides to the story

she pointed out things i already knew about myself, i'm not perfect but i try to be patient with myself... if I could I would've rushed the process

i'm worth it, yes... i think... but sometimes it doesn't feel like i'm worth my next breath of air

i've always had an issue with that until it backfired, one bullet turns into 100

right at me, if they were real i wouldn't try to dodge

questioning the "logic" behind these emotions

imaginary weight? but it's dragging me down before the sun rises again

i don't have anything to believe in, i'm not the one for her... is what she's decided

nothing is right for me... after endless mental agony

facts don't make me feel better, but it's good to be honest

always better to be honest... things are **** at the moment

there's nothing to do but live through it again

i was... dumb to think otherwise

they say to step away at first sign, but you always want to try to fight it

for the sake of making things work, even if they don't

i've given up plenty of times, this time it feels like i shouldn't again

when i should, again

here it comes

i get it, i get it

ahhhhhhhhhhh

yes i'm flawed... i know... i'm still... growing eww

sooner or later

"just let her go"

it's so simple... she's vanished

and it wasn't meant to be, but i thought she was the one to settle down with afterall

she's hung up on an image, multiples

if it makes me feel better, believe it

she just wasn't into me

just focus.. on living, not just exisiting

imagine loving someone that doesn't love you back

thinking about a certain future that's been taken away


my mind is lost right now.... i'll let it run for a bit until i can catch upppp


dreams unlived


i dreamt about our kids last night and I forgot to tell you


an ending with too many photos to feel alive to

a great crusade in search of truth
seeking to understand myself
whatever's left i guess
the reason behind my existence
imagine reaching a goal in which we thought was what we sought
but after a certain time it proves to be illusive and delusionary
**** me
we've added more to our difficulties than we have to our solutions
but once something is solved, new problems arise
original revelations
a life uncluttered opens the doors to the inner self
vast ambitions
sounds of birth/sounds of death
(if i ever want to understand the invisible)
i must be able to find it in the visible
theology is just a mere abstraction of natural phenomenons
religion is testing the possibility of community through our relationships
philosophies based upon nature... the changing seasons
great consequences, advanced causes
the highest level is reality
the certainty of your own demise
the complicated network of truths

the realm of illusion
not much more illusory than in the physical world
extreme unreliability
impression by the unseen seer
changing forms
glamour
an object seen as it were from all sides at once
the inside as if the outside
inadequate language
frequent reversal
astral light
139
as 931 and so on
capable masters
great hurry and carelessness
all possible forms of illusion
how do i deal with phenomenons like this
few words are needed
death is easier to face than to try and wrap my head around (life)
it's not about seeing correctly, but translating what is being seen
trying to carry my consciousness without it breaking
from physical to astral... and back
possibility of recollections could partially be lost or distorted in the blank interval
experiencing between breaths
the root of this moment to the next
the inevitable now
spirits unfortunately dormant
we'll soon build up the courage

there's no reason to remember about what I've desired
just like I forgot about the desire to write
I've allowed myself the freedom to do
(when I want) (focus when it comes)
it's what feels to be, spiritual progress
radiant feelings
coming and fleeting
thought forms melting before all I'm seeing
attitude is vibration
the root of creation
divine formation
through useless information
making sense without mystical procedures
wasted leisure
(false ambitions deriving from unnatural greed)
open myself to persecution
only to realize I my"self" am an illusion
so it begins, the dissolution
calm and ready
secluded in the mysteries of this great theatre
life, a series of memories arranged in the practical
harmonical manner
(if that's a word)
(keep typing)
what do I live for?
a production of symbolism
entertained in the prisms
that so happen to reflect human mischief
live to diminish
built up anguish
a hopeless wish
meaningless stitch
can't manage the baggage
inside the cerebral attic
static between breaths
the moment I'll let
settle in the sun that meant to set
(a wedding in the sky)
lost love so divine
tears rushing down my cheeks at night
reflecting on universal signs
eternal truths
3.14
pie
I sigh
a moment at a time
you can't change, only modify
generous time flies
realizations combined
directions for decisions in mind
(this life)
incline, decline
experiences desgined
in
curves, opposing straight lines
how would we even define....
what truly aligns
the spirit
continue, live like there's no finish
vulnerable
characters to diminish
predict my wishes
my heart
longing for what isn't
what was
no longer there
couldn't stare at what I couldn't bare
missed true love by plenty hairs
mistakes were obvious
I was oblivious
thinking of what could've been
again
Limited trains of thought
All I used to sought for, cost a lot
it was you, who inspired some tunes
formed by the formless wind that creates the dunes
Inevitable doom
Saudade
Under the moon
I succumb to you
act upon intentions and responses
perhaps it's way too soon
flowers yet to bloom
ideas flowing out the womb
mistakes to broom
room to improve
a struggle before you wake
less and less to rake
In and out of fantasies
can't trust in (reality)
question my sanity
study my anatomy
Zoom passed meaningless blues
I’m on my walk...
I feel better now
examine the highs before I drown again
calculate the vitamins
narratives written with my fancy stolen pen
this is.... idk