Darryl Ashton Apr 15

The two Mr Cs met
for breakfast, (Mr
Cameron and Mr
Said the first Mr C
to the second: 'What's
that on your face?
Oh, it's egg.

'And another
embarrassing problem,
which I think is really
a shame,
I've heard 'er indoors
is refusing to answer
to her married name.'

'Come of it!' the second
Mr C said, 'And stop
poking fun at the Cleggs,
The Daily Mail thinks
you're a wally, and Jan
Moir says she hates
your legs.

'And another thing -
what about Brexit?
Couldn't hack it, you
had to confess,
You quit when the
going got tough and
left Theresa to sort
out the mess.'

They carried on
bickering likewise,
as they ate their full
English and toast
At the end of the
meal they were hard
put to decide who
had screwed up the

Outside in the street
they said: 'So long,
we'll meet again one
of these days,'
They shook hands
like good public
schoolboys and then
went their separate


Darryl Ashton Apr 10

To forsake the Holy Ghost
to pastures new and green,
The real path to love and
peace really has to be

Go forth and multiply as
life we all do live,
And even on our darkest
days we always will

The flowers do bloom as
they grow and thrive,
They look for the bees
humming in their hive.

Easter is looming as the
cross is wiped with blood,
Our Lord, our Savour -
Jesus Christ - we praise
him as we all should.

We live and love as we
age and watch the day
grow longer,
Sometimes we get poorly
but eventually we get

I hear the birds chirping,
what a chorus of joy,
They chirp to welcome
the sunrise, or are they
being coy?

The sea is warmed by
the sun as the fish do
swim and are free.
But they know the
fishermen are out and
about and they want
some fish for tea.

Forgiveness we seek
as trouble is seen and
families feud and fight.
All tempers are flaring
out again - what a pitiful

War is happening in
some lands and lives
are also lost.
Why can't people live
in peace - I'll even pay
the cost!

Goodbye my friends my
time is up as I go and
meet the creator;
'Enjoy your "SHRUNKEN"
chocolate eggs - as I wish
you all a Happy Easter.'


Darryl Ashton Apr 9

I fancied bargain hunting, so
I went off to the sales.
I pushed and shoved with
the best of them, as we
grabbed things off the

But when I got to the
changing rooms, the joy
began to pall,
As every lovely bargain
was at least one size too

So next I tried on loads of
shoes, of the type I'd
never wear,
I found a single shoe I
liked, but couldn't make
a pair.

In the end, I was getting
desperate, so I bought a
few cheap bits;
Some tea towels adorned
with scenic prints, and
some matching oven mitts.

A while later I bought some
vases (which I doubt I'll
ever use),
But as they were buy-one-
get-one-free, I thought,
what have I got to lose?

I'd now been out for hours
and hardly bought a thing,
So I called into a pub
nearby and had a double

Revived, I made the effort
to find my bargain buy,
So I went into another
shop, and later left it with
a sigh.

By now I was really fed up
and I'd bought a load of
I was tired, cold and hungry,
and had spent all my cash.

But now, I'm home and
warm again with a lovely
cup of tea,
So I think I'll stick to
Bargain Hunt


Darryl Ashton Apr 8

I often feel the urge to
To use my pen or pencil's
To put my thoughts into
a rhyme
That will maybe stand the
test of time.

I often lose myself within
a book,
I'd rather read than clean
and cook,
I sometimes find that I
can see
A written word's bold

If another person's written
Has my own imagination
It makes me think someone
could be
Inspired by verses penned
by me.

Acclamation is quite rare
So if my words inspire
someone, somewhere,
I must be content to
never know
Yet keep on writing
because I love it so.


Darryl Ashton Apr 1

I think I'll bake a cake today.
We can have some for tea.
Coffee walnut, lemon drizzle,
Or plain jam sponge maybe.

But when I read the recipe,
I guess I shouldn't say,
I still use pounds and ounces
Like Mum did in her day.

I've never really come to
With kilograms and litres.
My mind still works in
feet and yards.
I never think in metres.

When I was a little boy
We learned each day in
That 16 ounces weighed
one pound.
We knew that was the rule.

And we were taught in
It wasn't very hard.
That 12 of those made up
one foot
And three of those a yard.

Twelve pennies made one
A 'tanner' was six pence.
A half a crown was two-
To us it all made sense.

Baking cakes and cooking
Has always been a pleasure
But now it's sometimes
To deal with metric measure.

I see a pack of butter.
That's half a pound to me
But writing on the packet
Two hundred and fifty g.

And when I see two pints
of milk
My mind is in a fix.
For litres on the carton
One - point - one, three,

I still use fluid ounces
When I measure milk or
The use of millilitres, well,
To me is not much use.

And as for those kilometres
They're really not my style.
If I see something nasty
I would surely 'run a mile'.

Some people say I'm 'more
I'm certainly not thick.
But all those things I learned
at school,
They somehow seemed to

Still wait till we're through
And Theresa May announces:
'We've now come out of the
It's back to pounds and


Darryl Ashton Mar 27

The partridge arrived on the
first day,
It was perched in a little pear
It had pecked at the pears
(it was peckish),
And so there was none left
for me.

The two turtle doves that
came later,
Seemed to do nothing but
They got on my nerves -
they were dreadful,
I just didn't know what to

And why did my true love
send French hens?
We've perfectly good ones
right here,
I suppose he thought they
were superior,
He is rather snobbish, I

The calling birds came on
the fourth day,
I just didn't like their refrain,
I wish they had called on
somebody else,
I don't want to see them

Five gold rings were rather
Just one would have been
the right thing.
A girl doesn't want to look
And show off with all of that

I then had six geese and
they squabbled,
With swans that had joined
the affray,
The geese plan to lay, the
swans thought they'd swim,
And I wished they had all
gone away.

Eight milkmaids appeared
with their buckets,
They looked so incredibly
They obviously wished to
milk something,
But there wasn't a cow to
be seen.

And then there were nine
lively ladies,
Who came dancing through
the front door,
And lords who were leaping
among them,
It was packed on the living
room floor.

To make matters worse
there were pipers,
And drummers to add to
the din,
I got such a terrible
It seemed that I just
couldn't win.

I know my true love is
I admit that I really am
But after my 12 days of
I'm going away for a rest.


(I know it is a little early - but Christmas will be here before we all know it. So here's my own revised 12 days of Christmas poem. Happy Easter!!!!)
Darryl Ashton Mar 25

I used to be a Sixties girl,
Well up with gramophones,
My vinyl records were
'just fab',
I loved the Rolling Stones.

I had a tape recorder and,
Recorded the Top 20,
I felt I was a trendy lass,
My techno knowledge -

Now that, alas, is sadly
Technology keeps
And I am travelling far
I find it quite deranging.

With Facebook, IPads,
apps and tweets,
All constantly renewing,
I sigh for long-lost simpler
When I knew what I was


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