Do you think I could fall away with October's leaves. The wind hits calm but true, the sun wakes for its bouts in the noon.  What's a campus fall to me? Do all these people know I see them? Am I a veiled expectant? An invisible crutch, my panning stare raising their arms there and back again as they follow the surveyed lines the pathways provide. It's prolonged smell of mud that takes me back. But ahead there's a campus fall. Equinox fear me not. I am not holding you to fate. I won't shiver or shrink if you miss the date. But I fear, oh what a pair, the campus and the fall, an anxious wait.

In immobilized time,
I could find all that's mine.
In sacred seconds I lay,
Holding, yearning, circumspect in my movements

Traveler's time is newton's law.
You can change but you can never stay,
The motion sickness rolls down the cheeks
Dripping off of weary chins.

To live, to die
The buzz words of the Romance languages
They mean but nothing,
without the passage of time.
The beauty, the despair.
The words, the truth that catch you heart and your eye,
Are past, present, and future.
All the time.

I could never believe in solipsism
I can't fix the world
Maybe that says more in disbelief
If all that is, is because of me...

All my friends have left me now
Turned towards their own destinies
We all knew this was coming
We all gave our last goodbyes
No words ever capable of showing how we felt
We shook hands and made plans
Promising to stay in touch and meet up soon
We all know we won't
We all know life's about to take us
So as we walked away we remembered our time
The late nights at the fields
The nights matching under the lights
The hours spent talking
The years spent living
All to be replaced by newer days
I left before everyone else didn't I?
Those days exploring a city
Excitedly running around campus
Thinking we were in love
All with new people
Now that all my old friends are gone
I regret every moment I tried to replace them
I regret never telling them what they meant
But more than anything else
I regret turning my back on the person they knew I could be

The more I think about it
The more you say it
The more certain I become
I need a break from here
I need to catch up on my sleep
I need to be alone
Go hiking too far in the woods
But more than anything else?
I need a break from you
I'm teetering so ******* bad
All the mental fortitude in the word means nothing when I look at you
But the I remember the empty looks
The humiliation you caused me
The grip you had on me
I'm not worried about you after all that
I'm just worried about you taking the people
I've come to care and respect
So please
I need to take a break from you
And I think you need one from me

I'm not sure if anyone in this city
maybe this is common in other cities too
when you put your hoody on late at night
feel the slightly biting summer midnight cold
walk through campus, mellowingly meandering
walk through the parking garage
run your skin along the rough concrete
break the musty depression
of the still air in the stiller garage
to enter the outer top floor
let the clouds settle and the moon to become free
in the distance, you can see the fig settle on the mountains
theres such a calming reassurance
in knowing that nature is always just a little jog away
even when surrounded by concrete
even when surrounded by unfamiliarity
you can always breath just a little bit of the sight in
and know that everything might just be okay in the morning

In the city that never sleeps
Every city shares that name
Its growing later and later
and thats okay
I was blinded by a stupid crush
Something that should've have been nothing
But it consumed me
and made me into a shell
I never did do well
forming bonds with others
but I'm in a clear mind
and a clearer conscious
Today marks the beginning of a new time
a time where I'm me not just in writing
a time where I don't worry about all the details
a time where I can start down the road to be happy
a time where maybe I can start to really look for you

You don’t laugh at my jokes anymore
When you look me in the eye, you immediately look away
You might say nothing changed
Believe me, I’m asking you about that later
But something certainly has
And I’m okay with that
Just stop holding happiness in front of me
Only to pull it away whenever I am close

i think self hatred is just another word for self respect
i respect who i am enough to know that i'm not perfect
i know that i can do better
whether its lifting weights
or talking to you
i know that i can talk to you perfectly
but i choose not to
because self hatred is a lot more than a self image
its a drug
and i'm addicted
i hate myself and what i've become
i can be so happy
but i'm addicted to my depression
because its the only thing that makes sense

Watch the bonfire drown to nothing
in the ink like solidity of the night
to much to care
to build it back up
lets go swimming
drink the waters problems away
its raining just a little bit
its not tears, i promise
swim into the false moons reflection
hold each other tight
as the new dawn is born
push each other away
and drown in the absence