i know it’s hard to come to terms with the way that men only love you when it’s convenient for them.
you attract people who are broken and you love them so deeply, you only wish you could pick up the pieces and put them back together with glitter glue.
you pour all of your love onto them like it’s nothing and they always swallow it whole.
you are very good at fixing them.
somehow your love gives them all the strength in the world until suddenly they are no longer broken.
they don’t need you anymore.
who’s going to fix you?

These days it feels like I am fighting a battle
I was destined to lose from the start.
I should accept that I'm in this alone
but I can't seem to let go of that last bit of hope ...
as if one day things will change.
I keep thinking maybe one day
people will show me the same kind of love
that I show them
but I'm starting to think I'm just a fool.
I want to disappear somewhere far away,
where no one knows my name
and I can stop pretending
that anyone gives a **** about me
or my happiness or, rather, my sadness.
My heart has never felt so heavy.
Maybe I'm just meant to be alone.

i want you to know
that you are still the only one
who can make my world light up with color.
i can't stop thinking of the way
your lips were always stained bright pink
and my cheeks turn red when i picture
your kisses dancing on my neck,
forming figures that i never knew existed.
i see blues and purples and greens
when i think of your fingers on me
but you're not here.
how can i miss hands
that were never on me to begin with?
how could you have made
this black and white world
start to take on color
when you're thousands of miles away?
how could you have disappeared
before i even got the chance
to see the stardust
that took home underneath your eyelids?

He says your name for the first time
and you think you've fallen in love with his mouth.
You realize he's got you wrapped around his pinky like a promise
and it sounds like his lips invented your name,
like no one had ever said it before he did.
It's all too ******* cliche
but you think his mouth is made of heaven,
his fingertips derived from the same stars
that you've tried too many times to catch
but ended up burning your own palms with instead.
He looks at you like you carved the sky with your own hands
and you laugh because you think he fell down from it.
You would think he was a fallen angel
if he wasn't so **** pure,
if you thought there was any way
that God would ever banish him from his side.
God would be lucky to have him by his side.
These days all you've been thinking about is his smile
and how you've always been afraid of ghosts
but you don't mind that he haunts you
like a lost ghost who can't find his home.
You only hope he can call you his home.
You like the way your hands feel numb
when you think of him
and you think your legs might collapse beneath you
but you don't mind.
Even if he doesn't catch you when you fall,
you don't mind.

Sometimes
I look at the blues and purples and pinks
when the sun is setting
and I like to think of you under the warm light,
laughing and drawing circles on my thigh with your fingertips.
The image doesn’t always last
because I remember that you’re too far away
for me to even reach for your hand
and I guess it’s unrealistic of me to think
that I could ever touch a star
that shines even brighter than the sun
but you make me believe in things like that,
you make me think that I could hold out my hand
and watch the stars bounce against my fingertips.
Everything is beginning to look like you,
I’ve started drinking my coffee black
because it reminds me of your eyes,
I can’t stop thinking about
what your voice sounds like
when you’re half asleep
and still in the moment between dream and reality.
I can’t stop hearing your mumbled “I love you’s”
or your quiet laughter.
I was always told that ordinary people
do not experience extraordinary love,
but you are so extraordinarily beautiful
and you make me feel extraordinary.
I want to be your afternoon sunlight,
your midnight moon.
I’ve never been good at telling people I need them
but the world would be so lonely without you,
and I think I’d wait until the universe collapsed in on itself
if it meant I could hold your hand in mine
without worrying that it might slip away.

you say his name out loud and you think you hear thunder but the sun is shining down on you like a spotlight. you remember the way his lips shone bright red and you think maybe this fire inside of you is only getting wilder. you think this aching feeling is only getting harder to compress and you don't know if you can stop your hands from shaking. you feel empty now that his fingertips aren't tracing paths along your collarbones and you wonder if you'll ever feel whole again.

he covers you with his body and his hands like he wants you to disappear from the rest of the world. he says he wants to keep you all to himself, that he wants to be the only one to really see all of you but you think that maybe he just wants you to be invisible. he wants to make you small, to quiet you down and keep you hidden so that you don’t have the chance to be yourself. he doesn’t understand that you were born to be as big as a galaxy, that sometimes you think your soul is too big to fit inside your own body and sometimes you need to let it out. you think about making your way to a different planet, one that’s far away from him and those hands that restrict you but you’re so vehement; you’re not sure anyone will love you and your noisiness.