Dear
the gost of his love,
You keep
haunting,
taunting
and reminding me
of
your love
and
what could have been

I see your face
in the crowd,
in every guy
who ever smiles at me
it's you.
Please stop.
You know
I loved you so
Not a single shooting star
exists
that was not wasted upon you
but now
my 11:11 wish is
for the clock to
stop ticking
and use its arms to
strangle me instead
So that I could
finally be free.
Free
from having
all my energy
spent on
trying to keep my **** together
in a vain attempt to
keep  myself
from falling apart
to pieces
in front of everyone
why don't you understand?
I love you
I love you
I love you
My heart beats with this rhyme
I love you more than i have ever loved aNYTHing
The pictures that you sent
still live in my phone
and the wind keeps whispering your name
and i have stopped looking a t the night sky
two bright stars reminded me of your eyes once
and
i see you in everything-
the first drop of rain,
a child's laughter
a tree's shelter on a summer day
I never wanted to let you go
but i had to
it was between you and him-
one who gave me life
and you
who became my life
and i owe you both
and i love you both
but he needs me a little more than you do
and so i chose Dad
but i love you.
I just could not burn their dreams
And use that as a light
That would guide
Me to you
I just could not break their hearts
To keep mine in one piece
No,
I could not break my old house
So that i could make a new with you.
And so i decided to loosened the grip
But it was you who walked away!
I knew you had
But don't blame me for what happened
i still hold on to you,
i clinged to your memories
like a drowning person
clings to a rope
thrown to him
And holding on to you hurts
so please set me free
please.

For years ...
My heart sat in a box of icy glass.
Shivering every night, through the wake of daylight.
Cracking slowly over the years.
Hoping ...
Longing
for the righteous touch.
Many sought to conquer but failed...
I would crack thinking
it was time for me
to beat lively again...
But they failed...
They all failed
Not one has come close to my heart.
My heart was detached from me.
I was in cage chained,
watching my heart,
deteriorate through the years.
So
The cracks of my heart began to
rebuild its icy veins.
And my heart sat in box of icy glass.
Longing through ever shutter.
Wondering what am I beating for.
Slowly the temperatures dropped
And my heart became colder.
My heart alarmed signals of  
heavy frostbites hovering over my soul.
I slowly try to crack ,
by enduring this
emptiness of my icy heart.

It Was Dangerous Severed Heart

My heart was coped up in ice and loneliness.
My heart began to fall into abyss of winter
Everlasting for eternity,
My heart in a icy box.
For eternity....
No longer beats due to
The exhaustion from shivering .
From receiving little cracks of hope...
Open and closing to the wrong warriors..
They failed .
To save my heart .
And most importantly to save me...
My heart didn't want to be loved
My heart wanted to be misused
To be mislead through every sin.
That was my love for my heart.
Loneliness sunk into my icy box.
My heart shed tears through every shiver.
The shivers through every wrongful touch.
My heart grew weaker into the abyss..
Quitting.
Slowly
A Silhouette emerged from icy dark waters.
My heart watched this beautiful masterpiece swimming,
across every strenuous wave,
Vigorously. Powerfully.
Eyes with flame of devotion.
So much devotion...
Beautiful Dark Eyes
My Heart and I will always cherish
His eyes ....
My heart deteriorated by the time
As this ghost reached my heart...
My heart began to look for its shiver
My little trickle hair began to alert.
Waking my heart from is devastation
My heart manage to hook
it's eyes on this ghost...
He wasn't a warrior ...
He was a hero.
Angel guardian ...
With eyes that flamed devotion.
Igniting my icy cracks to reopen.
Quickly shunned ..
As when he reached with an anchor
To the iciest veins part of me
Which was my heart in the box...
My heart let go of the anchor.
It didn't want to be save.
It wanted to live in naked loneliness.
You would drop your anchor waiting
For my heart to reach.
Shunned
you
over
over
and
over
again.
Yourself shiver through the nights into daylight.
Waiting for me to defrost into your saving arms.
My heart was incapable .
My heart whisper apologies every shiver you shake waiting for me.
But my heart sank deeper into the haunted memories.
Terrifying questions
"Why weren't you becoming one of my sins"
"Why aren't you a regretful touch"
I couldn't sink deeper because your anchor followed through every pressure..
Through every flaw of my icy veins.
Thawing hard through my icy veins .
You became my hero in that very instance.
My angelic savior .
My heart began to crack to weigh on your anchor.
By the time my heart began to reincarnate itself
I found myself in shaking in shivers
My cracks began to burst with ice
I began to sank....
It wasn't my time to be saved.
Was it?
Then you became alluring serpent of my heart.
The possessed thought of my mind.
Your poison began to shift my veins .
My heart began to pump warmly ,
Slowly regaining its redness through every
Memory of you...
Through every caressing moment from you.
You.
My heart felt this unknown feeling.
It was a masterpiece forming as it began to feel.
It began to feel what my angel has been fighting for.
What you have been fighting for.
Since the moment
he let go of the anchor,
To save my heart...
Most importantly me..
I became yours a little too late .
He loves me...
And I loved him.
Then I love him
And then he loved me.
My heart had to crack
For my angel.
For myself
The time has come.
For my eyes to spark again...
With the same love and devotion
As yours...
My heart is missing heaven.
Missing home.
Missing my virtue.
There are many things,
I know my heart,
Can devote to many,
Beautiful things.
It's not easy for
My heart to start to believe again...
But my heart confides in you .
Only you...
When my heart opens ,
You will be there
with your anchor
Receiving me...
Loving me...
As I waited for awhile
to learn what home feels like .
Not in the icy box ,
But to be  in another heart full with warmth.

That is the moment I been waiting for.
To love you and only you.

Because I righteously deserve all of  you
And you righteously deserve all of me...

I thank you ...
For staying in this prolong battle...

I love you
with all the cracks
and bruises of my heart.
Soon I know I will be healed .

I love you my angel .

It's so funny when people say make lemonade!
Because all the lemons I've ever been given,
have been moldy and much to bruised to truly
make some good lemonade to get me through
the day.

And secondly where am I suppose to get the sugar from?
Water is easy I can just use the tears from the times
when the lemons were sprayed in my eyes instead
of given to me.
But sugar? It that a joke?Life has never been that sweet.

For all those who say when "when life gives you
lemons make lemonade"...I'd like you to have
the first drink of my moldy lemon,tear water, no sugar...
Lemonade.

Simple flex of a muscle
Lift up
Relax
One rep at a time
Getting stronger.

Now part the lips
just a little
Pinch the corners of your eyes
the tiniest bit
to convince them it's real.
Convince them it's real.

All you have to do
Is convince them it's real.

Its been a while since ive picked up a pen and paper
but been even longer since i picked up a blade

ive come to live with my insecurities
my imperfections
my mistakes

i dont need makeup to be beautiful
i dont need to starve myself to be happy
i dont need to loose weight to be skinny

im me for a reason
i have scars for a reason
i have differences for a reason

it may have taken me a while to figure this out
but everything takes time...

I wasn’t strong enough to go on
I guess you could say he finally won.
Everything reminds me of him
no matter what I do to forget.

Sometimes I see him, in the little smile
given to me by guys I meet every mile.
He lies in the dreams I have
leaving me startled and cold upon wake.

Sometimes I feel him, in every hug
that makes me want to run.
My skin is left with pin ******
as a present from these *****.

Thank god I can’t remember his smell
or else it would put me through hell.
One thing I’m glad for is when the senses
begin to dull after years out of the hole.

Blaming myself, easy to do in this case
easy to blame such a waste of space.
My thoughts are skewed
by the foggy memories of the past.

“He has done no wrong” so they say
“if it was bad, why did you stay?”
Why? I still ask myself to this day
it felt wrong but I thought it was just me.

Sacrifice everything for your lover
as it was taught from one to another.
Yet don’t know what to do
when the one you love won’t care for you.