There is a sore,
from where cigarette butts
slightly rub
as ash is flicked into the air,
on the side of my
index finger
how much smoke has engulfed my lungs?
there's one when I wake up
one on the way to work
one during break
one on my way back home
one after the shower
then one every half hour
forty five minutes, tops
oh ****
why can't I
stop

Splash
right in a puddle
someone passing, befuddled, asked,
"Why?"
"Because there is a
little kid inside me
with sparkling blue eyes
and ten years till his parents divorce
while his best friend dies,
he jumped in puddles,
when the water sprays to my sides
for about three seconds
he is still
alive."

consistent
kisses on lips
hands on hips
***, cuddling
hugs drawing me near
have all been absent
for over a
year

I wish you could see me now
how much happier I've become
I wish you could see the time
Tony and I drunkenly fire extinguished
the whole third floor
or when I hiked Bishops
and smiled over the world
I wish you could see every day
as I experience flow in the work place
running to and fro
busy but enjoyment spread over my face
I wish you could see me working out
with Kyle and Brian
pushing eachother to our limits
I wish you could see all this
so you'd know
all the things you could
have lived
but instead
you
missed