I turned to a god to love me
   With love I don't deserve
There is a hole within me
I don't believe they heard

Self-loathing is a wicked thing
   It can sneak upon us
There is a hole within me
Please no one make a fuss

There is a voice inside our head
   Which can warp our reality
We must learn to fill the hole within us
With compassion, kindness and affinity

Mistakes make not up who you are
They create great catalyst for change
Regret brings wisdom from afar

Turmoil can be your guiding star
And force your mind to rearrange
Mistakes make not up who you are

Immerse yourself feather and tar
Pick life lessons from in your pain
Regret brings wisdom from afar

Bottled shame stuffed in a jar
Can drive a good person insane
Mistakes make not up who you are

Just begin again, your mind restart
In time you'll wash away the stain
Regret brings wisdom from afar

Within us beats a loving heart
Self-hatred from we must refrain
Mistakes make not up who you are
Regret brings wisdom from afar

One regret consumes my life
A mindless jolt, a back stained knife

It is my fault for climbing the web
Then getting tangled in her head

Returning then again for more
When I believed I'd closed the door

Big picture morals must guide your behaviour
Have self respect, be your own saviour

Funny and fierce, her words cut to the bone
Her smile sits just beautifully, naturally there
When I dream, I dream of us sharing a home
An atheist longing, whispering a prayer
It's been years since I've felt what I feel for her
I think about her all the time
The bullet has hit soon as it's left the chamber
Every emotion's a song and I'm singing in ryhme
I'm so relieved to be able to feel once again
I honestly feared that it had all gone
Exhausted in youth on alcohol and women
But thankfully though it appears I was wrong
  For now when I lie and I think through the night
  My thoughts are an orchestra of Aisling in white

I've been wandering London
I am walking asleep
There are tears on my eyelids
My life's in a heap
I can't breathe when I see you
You just make my lungs burst
I freeze up when you whisper
My body is cursed
Won't you tell me you love me
Even just for a day
You shall have me forever
In my mind anyway
There's a light on in Douglas
and it's guiding my way
I am ****** in the pantry
with too much to say

As I've made my wretched bed,
I should surely sleep within it.
Yet not let false ego go to my head,
Or chew the fallacy to the bit.
All I've found within the fold,
Is a wicked width of cold.

As I burn the candle at both ends,
I walk a harried tightrope.
Soon it will split in many bends,
The route I choose with hope
Will lead me to the promised land,
The correct companion hand in hand.

New year is here and I re-evaluate
Like I will actually change something this time
The words are there but I can't make them rhyme
The lady has left and I am too late

I still haven't found what I'm looking for
I feel emptier by the day
The totem is spinning in play
But soon it will drop to the floor

My generation is overburdened with expectation
We always expect something better than before
We expect something more
We need to learn to live with specks of blood left in the basin

I'm falling apart romantically brash
Kerry you are all that I want and need
I see you by the leafy green mountain grass
And the sapphire south western ocean, freed
Can it ever really be the way it was?
Can we just rewrite the book again anew?
Or are we hindered by the lives we lost
Weighed down like stones in pockets and at a loss

I remember you upon the sandy shore
In baby blue dungarees and snow white converse
I needed every second with you and wanted more
My love balloon big and fit to burst
I could waste a lifetime on the edge of nowhere with you in my arms
But it seems the more we force to heal the more it harms

It seems that everyone is afraid to be alone
It chills the toughest people to the bone

Yet I have found wonder in the solitude
A dazzling concoction rarely brewed

People just expect something more
Reality, the now has left them sore

Life does not need to be spent, propped up by another
Support yourself and find your path, the present as your lover

Sitting in the back room
Of my parent's family home
The stove's heat tickles my back
Dog at my feet, I'm not alone

The sound from the living room
Television cuts the air
I hear the chuckle of my sister
My brothers bellow laid out bare

This moment brings me back
To when I once lived here
This house is steeped in memory
I'll forever hold it dear

It seems that one must lose or leave
To truly know what they once had
A father, mother, sister, brother
For family I'm truly glad

As I step out of the darkness
Into the light
The knots in my mind, untangle
Unravel
Sometimes we just try so hard
We simply lose ourselves
Overwhelmed, we can't see
Ahead, or even what is all around
At one point I was naive,
I thought I could do it alone
But now I realise
I don't need anyone, I need everyone,
We lean upon each other
There is an empathy in eye contact
And hearing about her day
There is compassion in the laughs we share
In every normal way
I believe I can make a difference
I believe I can break the mould
I believe I can find wonder
In every sod of dirt I hold
There is magic in the way we move
And every person on the street
Has a story
And I'm just beginning to write mine

Grace is wonderful
Grace is kind
Grace lights up the darkness in my mind

Grace has character
Grace has wit
Grace is everything, every little bit

Grace has been there forever
Grace is my best friend
Grace will be with me always 'til the end

I guess I try not to think about it
My London bubble's overwhelming
It's bursting,thirsting, overflowing
and I can't seem to get the balance right

My happy's back and it is showing
But I still can't see quite where I'm going
The road is hazy, my instinct lazy
I need someone to come and save me

Is it here or is it far
Is it back where I came from
The morning's here but you have left my bed
and there's still cobwebs in my head

If you're the one can you please show me
The only one to ever know me
Too much choice ruins great plans
Can you please come and take my hand

Lately I've been falling apart
I feel I couldn't feel any less
I've been taking my drinking too far
I'm a self deprecating, self medicating mess

Lately I've been feeling alone
All I do is work and sleep
Maybe I should pick up the phone
It seems the hole I've dug I dug too deep

Lately I can't find joy in anything
I can hardly ever sleep
I dread what tomorrow could bring
My mind and life's up in a heap

How can lately be for forever
Work and sleep and work and die
Old bonds with age grow weak and sever
The bird has been caged but wants to fly

I ran through the wood and the ghostly haze
While the rain billowed down between the trees
You were somewhere in the eerie green maze
With wooden fingers clutched around your knees
I had been alone for many a day
So long I had forgotten how to feel
A heart once smoldering now had turned to clay
Forever in a funeral suit marching to it's death knell
You had fallen from the tallest tree
And landed in the night as a shining star
The light through the dark was staring at me
And I knew that you weren't very far
  I found you amongst the foliage and with a sudden start
  You melted all the clay away and jumped my broken heart

Lonely in London
I feel you afar
A vessel half empty
A door-frame ajar
For a penny, a pound
I'm with you all way
Daylight is breaking
Together we'll stay

I'm falling apart
As you fall in love
Paper thin skin
You unfold in my arms
Left hand on tile
Right hand on spine
Lips upon neck
Your body on mine

We're not in love
We're just alone
Sometimes you need
Someone you know
This is not for forever
This is only tonight
When you're out of sight
You are out of my mind

Me and my restless mind
Are tangled up all night
The second head hits pillow
And fingers turn off light
I can never sleep
Weeknights are the worst
My head is anvil heavy
My thoughts are darkest cursed
Future, past but rarely present
Swirl around inside
What I should, could and would have done
Is all my brain can find
Every mistake that I have ever made
Every pressure that I feel
They swirl about
I want them out
Whenever will I heal

I have had bouts of blue
For as long as I can remember
Crying in my room
Because I couldn't get the toy that I wanted
Teenage acne scars
And girls that always said no
The world was never enough
There was always something more out there
That I didn't have and I needed
There are copy books of poems upstairs
Words scrawled in desperation
Plans to end it all
And funerals inside my head
Bells beating as I walk towards the shore
And submerge
I have a beaten desk in my bedroom
Where I used to sit and scratch my favourite quotes
Desperate cries from crumbling clay angels
Who were able to express exactly how I felt
In barely any words at all
Angels I have never met and never will
I have always dreamt of something better
I have always wanted more
And I have always felt driven to achieve it
It will be better once I have that toy
It will be better once my acne clears up
It will be better when I lose my braces
It will be better when I get a girlfriend
It will be better when I leave school
It will be better when I stop drinking
It will be better when I start exercising
It will be better when I start eating healthy
It will be better when I get a job
It will be better when I leave University
It will be better when I make some money
These things are what got me through
I always dreamed of these things and fought to achieve them
But now it seems I have done them all I am lost
I have never felt so alone
There is absolutely no reason for me to feel this low
I have it all but I do
I have never felt this down in my life
I feel I have ran out of options
And have nowhere to run to
I need to pick myself up
I need to snap out of this mess
I need to start living again
I know nobody can be constantly happy
But I would love to feel worthwhile
I want my motivation back
I need some vitality
I need winter to end
It is 4pm and it's dark outside
I need to get out of my head

Distance is a hurtful thing
Like the distance between your city and mine
Like the time difference between my message and your reply
Like the distance between us in your bed
Like the amount of anxiety in my head
Am I crazy?
Or are you actually losing interest
You do not act the way you did before
Have we become too comfortable
Too stable
Too boring
Are you finding it hard to bare?
I'm not sleeping
I really think I am falling apart
You are all that I am thinking
I can not do any other thing
I've been reading
Anything and everything
Relationship anxiety
Our attachment styles
My upbringing
Why I feel this way
Should I tell you?
I guess I should
For if we're meant to be
You will understand and help me through
But what if I push you
Farther away
By making things too hard
Making mountains out of molehills
Creating problems out of fear not reality
I have no one else to turn to
You're meant to be my best friend
But I am afraid that I can't tell you
I really need you on my side.

I should have told her a couple of days ago but I didn't
Now the knot in my stomach is tighter than ever
And she probably can't even remember
That I was upset in the first place

I feel like I'm going insane
Anxiety is taking over
I have no one to turn to
No one to talk it over

I couldn't arrange my feelings at the time
I did not know what I was thinking
So I lay awake all night
With my heart racing faster than ever

I should have told her a couple of days ago but I didn't
I just couldn't work it out
I did not want to upset her
I did not want her to think I'm a *****

This poem is to let it all out
I feel I have left it too long
I wish I had some one to talk to
I feel that I can't turn to her for help
When she's the one who is meant to be there for me

I have an exertion migraine
Its drilling away at my brain
Like a grenade popped behind my left eye
I may as well be going insane

The thing is I can't even *******
Have *** or go for a run
Without half my skull peeling away
Blood vessels blowing out like a gun

I have been in my bed in the dark
The best part of three stinking days
This poem is release it is art
Until I can break through this phase

I can't sleep at all
There's weight upon my mind
You're a black hawk
Sweeping through the sky
The door won't open
I'm trapped within these walls
You are floating
The motor sticks and stalls
Cut me open
Bleed me dry
Winter wounds pumping
Even the snowmen cry

Are you sleeping?
You should be in my bed
The window's open
Moonlight dances around my head
Have you been thinking
About me
Or are you certain
It isn't meant to be

There is a black hound
Creeping on the street
Panting is it's only sound
Along with heavy feet
My heart is speaking
It's screaming at your gall
Have you no feeling
Or have I given you my all

Chandeliers in my head
Chandeliers crash and hit the floor
Chandeliers that
Have never smashed before
Chandeliers in my head
Chandeliers crashing more and more
Chandeliers smash
Scattering glass across the floor.

I didn't get what I want
But what I have may be all I need
Or at least all I need for now
Because if she was going to be there for me
She would be here by now
And maybe I could let myself go
Thinking that she's all I could ever be
Makes me feel so small
For she is so free

I found a strand of  your hair on the shoulder of my coat
I got tangled in it for a few days
I left a love letter plastered to a post it note
Stuck to the bannister at the tip top of your stairs

I don't hate you I swear I really don't
I realise I can't make someone love me
Don't feel so bad you let me down
Im so scared I have pushed you away

I guess if its for you it won't go by you
At least you have been with me a few steps of the way
I have made my peace that you will never be around me
The same way as you have been for the last two years almost every day.

I am too young to be in a relationship with someone
Significant others hold you back
From achieving the greatness your sack of flesh
Can of course achieve
People can be extraordinary
But they must do it alone
And that there is the great question of life
Will I go it alone and be great?
Or will I tie myself to some other empty vessel
And simply float
I think the problem lies in the fact
That people are essentially selfish
And no good deed is done
Without some thoughts of self preservation
Significant others make you compromise
Make you stay at home
Make you meet them half way
Make you put your career on hold
For them and a family
And for your relationship to last
And if you truly love them
You will always put them first
And so your own needs and goals
Will always place second
Now this is not necessarily a bad thing
It is just I am hitting a point in my life
Where I must choose
Do I wish to be great
And alone
Or do I wish to love
And give my life to another
I have spent my whole life caring
What other people thought
How do I make everyone else happy
Its time I got over that
It's time I started concentrating on making myself happy
Not everybody else
Now which road will I choose
Greatness, success I know I can achieve
And be selfish, and only put myself first
Or will I put her first.
A life in love is mundane
But I think I care about her more
Than I care about myself.

Sometimes when I am having a really awful day
And I can't bare the thought of being where I am
Or doing what I am doing
I imagine I am not me
But just looking down upon me
Like an angel from above
The pity of the creature that lies before me
Can not affect me
Because it is not me
It is someone else
And this helps me through
I can not get upset
Because I am not there right now
I am up in the air
Above the clouds
Looking down.
Sometimes I like to detach
I can not bare my life
It is good to get away.

Just the other day
In the cold canteen
I was drinking black tea
Because the milk was was left out
And had turned to cream
When you arrived crashing through the door
Slamming as you usually do
Shouting around and making a fuss
You didn't seem to notice
You were too caught up in the bustle of the day
And quickly as you came you left
Spritely along your way
About ten minutes later you returned
Pint of milk in hand
Saying it was nothing
You had just noticed my tea was black
And you couldn't leave me like that.
Now such a small gesture may in many go away
Without the slightest recognition
But to me it meant the world
That was probably the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me.
The smallest gestures are the best
They help people through the day
And you quite simply made mine.

She has raven black hair
and trouble smiling
it falls weirdly on her face
when she poses for a picture
but if you catch her off guard with a joke
I swear it lights up the whole room
I love being around her
Or being her centre of attention
I could waste a life with her
She makes me feel like nothing
Tears me down, abuses me
But I don't care I love it
It just makes me want her more
She loves being in the spotlight
She's just loud and talks so fast
The first conversation we had I knew I loved her
I know her body would fit perfectly in mine
And I just want to hold her
I always have and always will
She has a scent that lingers
And I'm not sure if I like it
But I want it all over me
I think she feels above me
Like she's better
or else she tries to distance herself from me
Because she knows she likes me
and she does not want to get hurt
she wants to be wild and free
and worry about everything else in a few years
she loves to tease me
and when she leaves indefinitely she hugs me
and hugs me again when she returns
the first time I went there she told me she did not want to be a rebound
that I was just using her and she did not want to be used
I wasn't, I just did not know how to react
she makes me nervous and she scares me
and I just feel I'm not enough for her
When I am, I simply am
I just want to be the one to make her happy
to hold her every night
to take her in my arms
I must tell her.

the real problem with extending the library opening hours is this
just who is going to pay for it all?
as if us students weren't already leech-like enough
we are literally ******* away to the bone
the librarians will have to be paid
to work the extra hours
to facilitate such an operation
and thats not even taking into account
the cost of electricity and everything else that goes with it
and its all because some over privileged pupils
who are twenty something years of age and have never worked a day of their life
can study the night before their finals in a supervised room
heres an idea for you
how about you study at home
or god forbid you studied well in advance so you would not be in the position
of having an aneurysm hours before a big exam
because they are shutting the library at 9.15
as opposed to 11 o clock
and lets face it, that arts degree your doing,
or that law degree your sweating over,
it really doesn't mean a whole pile
your probably going to be the one serving me chips
at the end of the night
because no employer cares that you have a 3 year degree
in English and History
our primary school classes are overfilled
with 30 or 40 pupils
and they won't hire anymore teachers
because the government just does not have the resources
how about we give that library money to the kids
good lord they deserve it more
than the thousand who shuffle to college everyday
because their mother told them to
and they don't know what else to do
a University degree used to mean something before
in modern Ireland it seems it is worth no more
than the paper you will use to wrap the chips
in the job you now work
or the paper you use to wipe your ***

Everyday I leave my home and venture out
Into a gloomy lifeless concrete shell
Similar to my body and mind
The darkened tarmac complements
My troubled gaze
This town is full of losers
And I work all day
To sleep on a Friday
To drink on a Saturday
To die on a Sunday
And then just repeat
An American girl once said my city was quirky
And she had fallen in love
But I feel she had fallen in love more with me than the city
And in the same way the city broke my heart
I broke hers
I'm just waiting on a way out
20 years too late
But maybe once I go and find
The place where I belong
Then maybe I can begin to be happy
And leave somebody in to my life

I am just a ghost trailing around
This carnival town
Where the girls are all above it
And I am just too lonely
The city is a pedestal that some
Can make their own
But I curl up on the floor
And dream of those up high
The streets run narrow
And pretty if you did not know them
But they do not run far enough
And you will soon find
Your heart on your sleeve
Then the floor
And there is no place to escape to
Just bottleneck humiliation
And the feeling that every corner you turn
You will happen upon someone you know
Which suits some people
But for me quite frankly
Sounds like hell
I wish to be anonymous
I wish to start again
I wish to be a unique possibility
In the eyes of the beholder
Not used to my type
Around here I am a nobody
Who simply blends in with dull streets
And faceless buildings
Abroad I can be mysterious
I can be whoever I want to be
This is a town full of losers
And I'm breaking free

I used to write poetry because I felt lonely
I felt I was inadequate
And this world was not enough
Poison thoughts and shattered mirrors
Hours spent within my bed
School planted a resentment seed
And it just grew and grew
Until I felt that it would burst
And tear me apart.

Poetry was a way out
A way to make me feel alive
A way to let go of the anger and hurt
There is nothing more satisfying
Than draining a frustration swelling
Splattering blood upon the page
They could make me feel like hell inside
Push me down, pull me apart
But the paper put me back together again.

In recent months my writing
Has started to dry up
My teenage angst and misery
Is slowly dying out
But most importantly
I have become happy
With who I am
And with my own skin
I am far from perfect
No one really is
But now I feel I am not vermin
A lousy rat that no-one likes
I am a human being
And I am ok with that.

Shelly came from Kansas with a suitcase in her hand
She's afraid of living but she does it anyway
Her heart beats twice as fast as mine does
She moves in mysterious ways

She has been hurt twice before
Strangers lurking from her past
Creep out at night and try to smother her
So she trembles in her bed
Watching shadows on the white ceiling bounce
And clash above her head
The pills she takes with blood red tea
Are made to make her sleep
But all they do is make her feel alone
Like nothing can help her

I guess I feel ashamed right now
I don't know if I'm helping or hurting
Helping now probably,
But I will end up hurting
She gives her heart to everything
Pushes it from her soul
Like caffeine hits my lungs
She gets nervous when we talk
Has trouble acting normal
Doesn't wish to seem too forced
But comes off shy and strange
She likes to hold my hand a lot
Be seen with me in company
The first night I met her, I also met her friends
She kisses like she means it, holds me close within her breath
Inhales me, then exhales heat that swollen from her heart
I think I maybe leading her on, leading her in
When their is only one outcome
She must return home to the USA
And it may as well be mars

She has straw blonde hair
That sits upon her eyes
And engulfs her face
She has the brightest blue eyes
I believe I have ever seen
And a smile to simply die for
But she makes me afraid
I am afraid of being there for someone
I am scared of committing
And I am scared that I will let her down

There is no such thing as girl problems
There is only girl problem and the problem is drink
Drink the saviour of our souls and the cause of our dementia
The liquid life that keeps our minds away from the inadequacy we feel
In a world that does nothing but point out how inexcusably inadequate we are.
The only fight I ever have with a woman is when I am intoxicated
Poison fury lets the truth run free when our mind has let its guard down
Hailing honesty and fiery eyes
If I ever meet a woman I love enough to marry
The first thing I will give up is the blasted drink
But for now it gets me through
A wicked brew of escapism
The devils spit served in a fiery goblet
A sinful way to just let go
To just not feel, to be free
Besides to be sober is just boring
And I have nothing to lose at the moment but pride.

Never ever fall in love
With someone who does not want to love
The flaw and fall lies in the fact
You mistook pity for lust
And so you crawl
Along jagged rocks
From holy tops
You fell

It was easily mistaken
She took you to the highest peak
She made you feel all the right feelings
Every move a perfect swing
A flashing dance
A spark of light
A fire burning
Within your sight

And so it crushed harder than most
When she sent you spiralling
It is tough to love and love
Then lose it just as it was beginning

I have so much to do the world is catching up with me
Every day there is some new pressure
And nobody is beside me
My future lies within the balance
A ticking clock that sways
Which road will I take
Will I fall or fly
There is a woman in my dreams
She is keeping me alive
If I could only just hold her
Maybe then I can survive
Im struggling with some demons
I think they will eventually smother me
So I plan to work 14 hours a day
Keep myself so busy
My mind will be too tired to move
To think
To let them creep inside
I guess I am always running
Running away from what they want from me
Running away from what I want myself
Running aimlessly, blind
I am running not because I feel this is the correct way to run
It is just every other direction feels too hard
I am sick of being a joke
I want to be taken seriously
I wish to be a man
I need to take the lead

I had a list of things to do today but then I got depressed
My mind fumed up and misty fog blacked out all the rest
I wrote a bullet point page of every conversation, every task
But still it lies untouched, unspoilt, quivering on my bed
The ceiling lurks and sways and swims, murky water above my head
It's like I am within a bubble, a tank, a rainy pond of wounds
It came all of a sudden, it snuck up on me
My last few weeks were fine, but yet it always comes to be
I spent the day curled in my bed sweating my life away
All I can see is inadequacy, my fragile failings come to life
Every thing I could and should do better
Every person I have not been enough for
I think I am going crazy, its been on my mind all day
And she has been on it forever.

Tell me you love me
Tell me you need me
Tell me you feel me
Tell me you read me
Tell me you need me
I don't even want to drink tonight
But I want to fall in love
And I don't want to be alone
Sobering up alone is ******
Girl, your killing me
And I don't even know you yet
But I just need to meet you tonight
Never dress anyway but like a million dollars
Just incase I meet her
Just incase I see her
Just incase she's waiting
Ready to crawl under my skin
Rippling, set me free
You mean everything to me
Nervous sickness that you make in me
Butterfly Butterfly
Stay awhile longer
Just come and make me stronger
I can't even function
There's nothing I can do
Nothing I can achieve
If I am not holding you
We'l hit some club tonight
Drink until we don't feel
Muster up some dutch courage
Win you over with my slick moves
My trick hooves
And I won't even know you
You won't even remember my name
Trickle off my mind
I don't want to be sober and alone today
I just can't hack it

How can you feel
My insides are a mess
5am have nothing
Splattered bullets to my chest
Pumping iron lungs inflate
And deflate just to see I'm still here
Look around this tarmac hell
Weather beaten rain splatter
Broken hearts and worn love letters
What can I be
What does it even mean
I'm coming down hungover beat
7am I can not sleep
Drop the drug down through my tubes
Leave it fill it up up up
Every days another cup
But now I'm down

How are we supposed to feel
If the sun doesn't shine?
And how can I make myself anyone
When I can't make you mine

Throw it up
Throw it out
Battened hatches breaking off
Words don't mean a thing today
Stuck to swollen sheets
Rainy swell and sunken hell
Chewing up my day
Why do we continue when it makes us feel this way
Nights are good but days must pay
Shell shocked bones
And fed up moans
Everywhere everywhere

How are we supposed to feel
If the sun doesn't shine?
And how can I make myself anyone
When I can't make you mine

I am sitting in my back room
Looking out the big bay window
I am meant to be studying
But all I can think is how much I would rather be out there living
Than sat in here dying
When realistically I know if i was not meant to be studying
I would be doing some other needless task
That would probably serve me a lot less in the future than my current one
I would probably be listening to music
Or talking to my friends
Or eating just for eatings sake
Or planning to do something constructive
But really only killing time
I am too much of a daydreamer
From the webs inside my head
I need to be set loose
Maybe I should just get on with this study
Rather than rambling out a poem
For poems sake

He's a young man twenty years
Got brains to boot and just about no fears
He lives in middle class Cork with nothing to do
But count stars on his fingers and discuss who's who
There's a clot in his brain and the thought won't stop
He needs to be someone who is at the tip top
So he smokes like a trooper and drinks like a king
Drops like a dancer and pops when he sings
He will take everything and anything never goes slow
Because the guy in the rap video told him so
He's a head slap to listen to, knocking about
Girls and money and not a lot of bad shouts
Memories like money tubes stored in his brain
Ramble out every night beasting through his fast lane
He fakes until he makes it so he's never found out
When his girl lets go and his prides on show
He lies through his teeth so his reps not beat
More people, more *******
As he talks to the top
And the first time you meet him you would almost believe it
But three or four times you see right through it
I don't know what he's proving I guess he's stuck in his ways
And he's an alright guy as long as you never believe a word that he says.

This world is shame
It lurks beneath our bones
Rambling and roaming
Be it from your ex,
Your mother or your father,
Your brother or your lover,
Your friend or foe or other
We are so ashamed.

I can hardly speak
The words scrawl at my throat
When I see someone I'v loved and lost
Or even worse let go or let down
And it's all around
Didn't do enough,
Didn't try our best,
Left until tomorrow
What should have been done today

We live with so much shame
Lost causes, lost dreams,
Fleeting moments,
Pain and glory,
Every little weakness,
Every little thing our little heart urges us to feel
But we ignore or drown it out
Walls of sound and liquor
Wash over me but do not cleanse
I am a sweating *****
I feel like a pariah

Shame is such a peculiar thing
We carry it each day
Everybody everywhere
Has some amount of shame
I guess the trick to growing older
Or more so growing happier
Is to manage your shame,
Control it,
Not let it get the best of you

So who am I
What have I done
How high have I climbed
How far have I come
I am a boy
Not yet a man
I have a dream
But just no plan

I want to scream
Rip my lungs
I want to speak
In foreign tongues
I want to be
All I can be
I want to see
All I can see

There is a time
When we must go
But for now
Let's take it slow
You are the one
Inside my dreams
You are the one
That's inspiring me

Why don't you step
Out of my head
And carefully climb
Into my arms
I have a wish
You have your charms
We got it all
We have it all

So if you feel
Life's running away
And every tear
Is another day
And if the shame
Becomes too much
And your heart
Kicks up a fuss
Just remember
In spite of night
With passing time
Always comes new light
And if you feel
It's all too much
I am here
You can place your trust

Life is like
A flying kite
It's up and down
Were up and down
I'm up and down
I'm up and down
I'm up and down.

Today I woke from my slumber
And trod down the stairs
To find the dog had eaten the contents of the compost bin
Every rotten squirmy stinking piece of mulch
I felt I should lay down a marker
Maybe shout, get angry
Let him know this sort of behaviour will not be tolerated
But if I'm truly honest
It seems he's punished himself enough
His stomach is so like a balloon
I will probably need a string to tie to him
Which I can hold when I bring him outside
So he won't float away
I mean really, how much enjoyment was there in decaying muck
He looks like a fat black slug
Squirming across the floor
Best throw him out quick
Before the leftover debris is not the only thing I must clean up
Silly dog must have a pea for a brain
He's lucky he's my best friend
I will look after him for the day

Never ever regret going for something
You truly madly want
No matter how hard
You crash and you burn
Just pick up the broken pieces
And put them together again
Now I have not yet been on my deathbed
But I am almost positive
Nobody on the verge of passing over
Has ever regretted that one time
They either tried a girl and got shot down
Or went for a job only to fall short
You regret the things you did not do
Ever so much more than the things you did
If you don't shoot you can't score
If it goes wide, well it goes wide
Just get up and shoot again
The day I am on my deathbed I hope
To think of nothing and nothing else
But the laughs that I had
And the people I shared it with
Immortal memories and immortal friends
Locked together in the whirl of my head
The twisted stroke of genius and mad luck
That made the pieces of my very ordinary life so extraordinary
Never let anyone make you feel like a fool
I'd you don't mess up when your young
What will you laugh about when your older
What will you learn
And how can you ever be fulfilled
Live for the moment
Run wild and free
Drink sloppily and without care
From the jug that is life
The people that truly matter won't mind
If you spill here or there
And those that make you feel little
Don't matter a single tiny breath
And what's more they do not deserve one.

The room is huge
It's aching with possibilities
The bathroom door left slightly ajar
Lets off a slit of light
The seems to light a path
From where you are
Straight to me
I can't wait until that door opens
And the light comes flooding out
Streaming through the room
And you fall out too
And tiptoe all the way to me
I feel almost meaningless in a room this size
A piece of furniture
No more alive than the bed I'm clung to
But I'm sure you can bring me to life
We can envelop this room
So why don't you just open that door
And make my anxious expectations
A shining bright reality

This is another life calling
It's breathing through the air
Running down your spine
Sprinkling through your mind
Old friends they pass
But they don't know you anymore
So you both just pretend the other does not exist
And old friendships become but memories
Locked deep within your head
It's almost like we lived a different time
The days spent when we were young
And everybody's grown and changed
And rather than acknowledge we were once something
We are not now
We ignore it and pretend it didn't happen
We don't need the awkwardness
We have too much else to worry about
But all these things they bind together
They add and multiply
And the times and the friendships
Become the cornerstones
The foundations of our lives
What we have become and what we will be
And even though we will never be what we were
It's nice to take a deep breath
And save a thought for the times that have come to pass
Whenever a ghost from a life past
Comes rolling along the breeze

She is just so mysterious
Her world seems so far away from mine
Drop in for a night or two
Than fly away for life
She has got a city twang
One that sparks my ears
And sets a fire in my heart raging
Burning through the night
She can take me home any night
Without a thought she drags me in
She tells me that it's over
She just can't take anymore
She cries her eyes out
Inhales a lot of wine
Then we **** on the kitchen floor
The life she leads is like a movie
Except she want's to die inside
California heat can't stop
The beat inside her soul
And running across the atlantic it seems
Has not given her anymore
She has got me hooked
I swear i'm so intrigued
It seems all we both want is to get out
Another way across the pond
Is everything to me
Leave behind this aching town
While she just wants to get out of her mind
If only we could share
Her city and my sanity
We would then both be complete
But for now we're just empty shells
Trying to fill each other
I have never met another
Like an american girl

Some days are days for dying
But today is a day for living
The sun is splitting my soul
Through my eyes
As heaven beats down from above us
You can trace the outline of blue around the world
And up and over and down
And around and upon you
As sparkling light bounces from the water
Through the trees
Into your heart and back out again
Shimmering sunlight
That simmers in the well
Deep inside you
Exploding through the cracks left upon you
From the bad days when it is all too much
And you just can't take anymore
But today all that is forgotten
Today is a day for living
For sitting on a boardwalk above the river
Basking in the bake of day
Lamping at the seals take flight
Beating through the glassy bath below
Tea tickled tongues that dance
And a feeling so content
You dare not breath
Just in case the next breath you breath out
Also lets that feeling go
Today is a day for falling in love
With anyone and anything
And a day to write
Words that flow like rivers
From the caverns of your soul
Out of the waterfalls of mouths
It all just seems so simple
In a moment as golden as this
Only one day is for dying
But your whole life is for living
And today is very much a day to be alive

it comes creeping in
seeping through the night
plunging in a perjury
dimming all the light
deep within the dinge
this dark decrepit pit
clawing at the walls
my eyes they leak my fears
empty minded blathering
a curse upon my ears
a drop of blood that's poison tinged
an ever aching lump
my throat it dries to clay
and breaks away and falls
the night has got a hold on my
it's gripped inside my soul
I clasp my face
my hands they shake
a desperate depressed state
and from the deathly depths of despair
all I can do is wait

I'm having a quarter life crisis
Your still in your winning ways
I've been drinking try to stifle it
Maybe some day losing pays
I've got an off centre shotgun
Gonna shoot it right away
I know il miss my target
But il keep shooting anyway
This house is truly falling down
It's crumbling before my eyes
This world is on a lonely trip
This comes as no surprise
Iv got an upside down cavern
I stay there every day
I lay within the stale sheets
Some days the hurt won't go away
I'm always feeling some shame
It seeps within my soul
This life is but a fools game
Il never reach my goal
Why won't anyone love me
Why do I crumble when they do
There's a light on in your hallway
But I won't make it there today
I guess I'm falling over
I guess it's far away
I guess I should start crawling
Maybe il make it there some day
I'm having a quarter life crisis
And it's burning through my days
Wrecking around my insides
Churning all my ways
Iv got no dreams no aspirations
No goals no motivations
Iv got no reason to get up
No reason not to give up
Someone give me shelter
From all this aching rain
Someone give me shelter
So il stop drinking through the pain

It's weird to think that we would have nothing to do
Its a wet wednesday and its nearly noon
Of course i'm still stuck to the bed
When hangovers take over
My heads in the bends
But what do you expect
When you drink three nights a week
And 70 cl only goes so far
As a drink between two
Now I know it's our fault
But we've got nothing to do
Forced into college
Can't add two and two
Or more can not be bothered even trying
Whats the point if we'l get there anyway
To be fair they practically hand out degrees
For frees these days
Like condoms or an apple
On induction day
In terms of motivation
How could we give a hell
A 6 hour week leaves nothing to tell
We'll worry about the rest
When this four year party is over
For now it's drink and drugs
And any girl you can get under
Skinny jeans and converse
Buttoned shirts with rolled up sleeves
Naggins in our pockets
And all those drunken dreams
9 to 5's for someone
Who is digging their own grave
For now let's do as we always do
Drinking until three
And not waking up 'til two