how do i reopen
in my mind?
to utter words
to you now
a flame long
since blown out,
a flame that
in the heart
of a lost,
i am numb when i am without you;
trapped in a place where no emotion can reach.
i ache for your existence to coincide with mine;
for our souls to embrace so our bodies will follow.
i know i must leave you;
you can not grant all that i ask.
if only staying with you would give me all i needed.
you didn't hear it,
the sound of my soul gasping.
the soft release of anguish
that will never leave my mind.
it was as if you gave me a noise;
the sound of our memory.
the sun has slunk behind the horizon
while the moon has crawled into view.
the threads of exhaustion
have sewn themselves into
my mind, my body.
as i begin to slip away
i hear the jingle of your ringtone,
and i wonder why you're calling.
your soft words
whispered above melodies
floating their way to my ears
Time is not a concept
when I am wrapped up in you,
comfortably enclosed in your warmth;
my face buried in your chest,
the smell of sandalwood
creeping up my nostrils,
the music of your breathing
filling my ears.
we entwined like before;
like before was like always, with our
legs tangled together,
arms wrapped around one another
you leaned down and kissed me but
instead of the kiss traveling down
instead of fingers slipping underneath my shirt
somehow your lips found their way to my forehead
you pressed them against me
with a slow sensuality i had never felt before
in the untouched silence i heard you whisper
I am lost
Unfound in my own existence
Struggling and searching for a way back
No one to point me in the right direction
Not a map to tell me where to go
When will I find my way?
Wanted to tell you all that consumed my mind
Bare my soul to you; let you view the me that I am when I am alone
Hoped you would understand me and hold me and accept me
But once you knew my flaws and my complexities;
once you knew the labyrinth of the being that is me
You faded from my life, drifted far from the shipwreck of my existance
And I drifted far from reality and drowned in the absence of you
Pressed my hands against your chest
felt your palm against my breast
it was sensual,
it was seductive;
you cleansed me.
My breathing was deep
and you couldn't keep
your hands off of me,
you explored me.
We lie still while the warmth of us dissipated,
a feeling you always hated
so you started again,
you kissed my neck;
you devoured me.
tracing convincing paths down her cheeks
Never do they fall when they should
in times of pain
or times of suffering
Only do they fall
in times of dishonesty
or times of treachery
When did it become this way?
In a forgotten past
they fell for scraped knees
and they fell for broken toys
and they fell for innocence
In an unwanted present
they fall for deception
and they fall for insincerity
and they don't fall for innocence lost
In an unforeseeable future
they will fall for remorse
and they will fall for guilt
and they will fall for regret
Why did it become that way?
For now there is no guilt
and remorse couldn't be farther than the stars
So she continues to let them fall
those tiny sliding lies
that no one ever questions
And she knows one day
and they will ask her
How did you become this way?
— The End —