and it seems as if
I care about you
more than I will ever
care about myself

but oh so badly I wish
I didn't care at all

all that ever happens
is feelings get crushed
and destroyed

just like my mind
while I'm thinking
about you.

d.p.

since when were we taught to hate ourselves?
our body, to hate the skin we were born in?
to hate the thickness of our stomach
and the freckles on our cheeks
to hate the curls in our hair
and the size of our thighs

since when was loving ourselves not right
not acceptable or appropriate?

since when was it okay to slice our thighs or our wrists?
to feel the blood ease out of our skin and run down our leg

since when was it okay to take our own life?
to sit in a bathtub and swallow ninety pills
to take a gun to our head without thinking about the regrets
to jump of a bridge thinking we can fly

but we can't
we shouldn't,
we shouldn't try to fly
we should think about the consequences instead

we should love ourself the way we are
we should love ourselves,
our hair and our eyes
the size of our waist
and the thickness of our thighs

we should take a breath
take a step back
and breathe
take your time and relax until you realize your worth,

your beauty
and ability
to smile.

There once was a girl who couldn't look in the bathroom mirror without shedding a tear
who couldn't think about the size of her stomach without wanting to shove her fingers down her throat
who didn't even want to eat because she thought about her stomach increasing in size
as if eating a saltine ******* would make her gain 10 pounds.
She thought this girl was gone.
until she realized she wanted to be able to see her ribs. but she couldn't.
so she cried herself asleep for the hundredth night in a row as if crying could make her shed  a single pound.

as if no one could love her because the thickness of her thighs

she thought she wasn't good enough to be loved, that no one could even look at her without a disgusted face unless she weighed less than 100 pounds.

but then she learned.
you should love someone because you care about their well being,
not because of the way they take their clothes off

she realized that you are worth so much more than the number that appears when you step on a scale

your beauty isn't about how clear your skin is
it's about the way your eyes sparkle when you talk about the things you love,
the things you adore
it's about the way the sides of your mouth curl up when you smile
and the way you laugh when you're happy

your beauty consists of your imperfections.

there is so much to live for
live for the life you have and the people you love.
the memories you have made are so beautiful
and there are so many more opportunities to make more more
but why make more
what is the point to live the life we have
when there is nothing in the end
no memories left.
why is autumn so beautiful, yet everything is dying.
we are dying.
we are the leaves of the dying trees
and we can't do anything but fall to the ground
and there is absolutely nothing to live for

i lay here, as i gently touch my skin on my ribs, tracing my finger over each bone counting each rib, realizing that we are only a set of bones here on earth with skin tied to our bodies. nothing more than that. no reason to wake up or to eat or to drink or to breathe. we weren't given a reason to be here. we are simply a creature placed in the world to find the reason to live, while there isn't one

d.p.