Whispering in the shadows all my hidden desires
Wishing things could be different as the love I feel keeps growing
Hoping one day it can be different and we can be together
And all while this is happening all I ever want is to be with her every chance I get.

Sadness creeps inside me each and every day
From all the nightmares I have of ever losing our friendship
It means the world to me and is the only thing I have
Except for my family that surround me.

Whispering in the shadows all my hidden desires
Knowing what faces my each and every single day
I know one day I will be strong enough to do one single thing
And that will be to take the biggest risk of all.

I keep my eyes on you from a distance to make sure you’re safe
Worry about every thing you do without you in my eyesight
Fight each and everyday with the love I feel for you
Knowing you don’t even know me and have walked past me many times.
My blood boils with fury knowing who your heart has fallen for
Knowing all the girls he has hurt with his uncontrollable temper
Each word of love that leaves his mouth brings him closer to hitting you
Which brings me closer to you to protect you from the monster inside him.
Each time I see you with him my heart jumps into my heart with distress
And brings the hidden darkness and monster to the surface
I wish I could get close enough to tell you to get away from him
But I cannot bring myself to show myself and put u in the cross hairs of death.

Have you ever wondered what they really think of you?
Do they really love you? Or just using you as a second lover.
Have you ever thought of why they are always out longer than they say?
Do you believe it is their work keeping them back? Or them just drinking at a pub.
Would you ever think of beating them till their face is black and blue?
Do you think they would come back after that? Or would you end up in jail.
Would you ever think of killing yourself and leaving your loved one?
Do you think they would be able to cope? Or **** themselves just like you.
Could you ever life your life without ever thinking of including them?
Do you believe that they will trust you? Or just think of all the bad things.
Could you ever say you never want children when your partner wants them?
Do you think this is just your choice? Or just wish you could change your mind.

I’ve lived my life inside my own walls
Burying all my deep dark secrets and desires inside me
Wishing things would be different than they are
And wanting someone to love me for who I am.
I have all different sides some good and some that are very dangerous
Once lived my life that was filled with blood, sweat and tears
Now my life is filled with all the heartache in this very universe
Because I want the one that I just can’t have.
The walls I build around me now are darkness and black
So I can keep myself hidden from the world
Scars and memories haunt my both day and night
And now my mind is thinking of very dark things happening to myself.

I wish my life was normal instead of just a mess
Hopelessness and sickness keeps bringing me down
Thoughts of suicide and self harm keep filling my mind
Which leaves me sitting in my room with just a gutless frown.
I would trade my soul to the devil just to live a normal life
So I could give myself the chance to do everything everyone else can do
Instead of just laying on bed thinking and watching countless movies a day
And wishing before I go to sleep this is all just a dream too.
No one is every going to love me for who I am
Because I expect no one to worry or care about the problems in my life
I will live my life loving and caring about others while alive
But I know inside that all I want to do is end my life with a knife.

I sit upon on this cliff just thinking about my world
Wishing I could have the one thing that would keep my heart beating
I have no idea what that one this is and I’ve searched for it for years
I have given up all the searching and waiting and sit upon this loose seating.
Each scar that is showing my arm is from all the people I hurt
This was all caused because of all the suicidal thoughts I have ever made
I have shed no more tears because no girl is worth my tears anymore
I’m sick of being hurt by all the rejections which makes me carry this blade.
Jumping from this cliff is all that is on my thinking mind
This is all because I have never had anything in my life to call my own
It was that final rejections that forced my mind to think of committing suicide
So now I will be found in the water or washed up on a beach dead from crushed bones.

Each day I sit around and see you in my head
Each night I lay in my head and you’re still in my head
Each time I dream it is only ever going to be about you
Each morning I wake up and wish it was beside you.
My mind no longer seems to think about anything else
My life just wants to be apart of your life
My arms just want to wrap you up and hold you every day
My lips will only ever by yours to ever kiss.
Everyday will always be the same till the day I die
Everyday I think of if I will every be the you want
Everyday seems to blend as it is all just about you
Everyday is going to be like this till we are together.

My heart is ablaze like a burning fire
Eating me from inside out
It’s all because of my love
That was burned by your very words.
Each night I have a nightmare
That always wakes me up sweaty and with fright
It always seems to be about you
Leaving this very earth.
My heart is no longer burning ablaze
As it has turned to cold icy stone
This wasn’t caused by you
But by the lethal injection I gave myself.

This is a time of reckoning
A time to change my life
Because when this night has ended
I will not be the same.

Tomorrow I will be with you
Forever by your side
But tonight is not the same
Without you in my arms.

I told you not to go
Not to worry about tradition
But all you said was
Baby don’t cry I will return tomorrow.

I sat up all night crying
Hoping that it would pass
Because tomorrow was our day
To forge our lives together.

But that night was so long
And so very tragic
That some crazy person
Took you away from me.

I was told to stay strong
And protect my memories
But all I did was fight and cry
Until they killed me.

I stand alone in this darkened bathroom
With hatred of myself and every part of my life
Spinning a sharp razor blade through my fingers
As I run my eyes up and down my arms.

Tears roll down my face as I slap my hand against the mirror
As I toss the razor blade on the bench and grab my head
My world is just spinning with all these thoughts in my head
While I slide down the wall with the razor blade in between my hands.

No tears run down my face while the stinging pain starts
As I dig and slide the razor blade up and down my arm
My blood is flowing freely as I cut more and more lines
Into every part of my arms that I am able to reach.

As I stand and look in the mirror I see the damage I have caused
With blood flowing through and over the razor blades cuts
Now as I look in the mirror at myself I finally know who I am
I’m someone with a problem who needs help before this blade cuts my neck.

Blood dripping from these fresh cuts.
Laying next to me the knife responsible for this heinous act.
Only suicidal thoughts run through my mind.
Oozing blood trickles steadily towards the floor.
Desperation to end my life seen in my eyes.

Devastating pain I feel as I pull the knife down my arm again.
Reminiscing the past as I lay in a pool of blood.
Evil pumping through my veins.
Neglecting the choice to live my life.
Choosing suicide over living a life of pain.
Humouring myself as I laugh at my cuts.
Enduring the sacrifices I am making.
Difficult times of my life ending this very night.

Knives and blades sticking out from my skin.
No remorse I will for taking my life.
Infectious thought running wild with my emotions.
Fighting these demons in life ends now.
Ending my life with suicide as I slit my throat.

From heart to heart I here this angel sing
With a Golden voice that makes the bell ring today
From lips to lips I’ll give you this kiss
That leaves you wanting more.

From eyes to eyes I look at you seeing more than how you look
But how you see me is what is more important
From hands to hands I’ll hold you close
As long as you promise to hold me closer and promise to never let me go.

From heart to heart I stand hear today crying for what I lost
I loved you so much but I lost to a place where only angels rest
And as long as I hear this angel sing to me at night
I’ll know that your looking and watching over me.

Sitting in this jail cell contemplating my choices
I wish I never ever hit the joined the raid and hit the police
I’m glad I dropped the knife from the shop assistants throat
Glad that I saw reason from wanting to steal from the bank.
I sit in this prison though for all my minor actions
I stole a car drunk one night and got caught in a police chase
Was caught stealing from the supermarket because I had no money
And attempting to ****** the shop assistants that I robbed.
But I have never felt so scared within this wire fenced jail
I pray each night that I will live to see the next day as I close into my parole
As inmates get murdered on severely injured with the guards looking away
And being alone in here makes me realise while everyone tries to escape.
Standing outside these prison walls looking in where all my problems were left
I sit and pray for forgiveness and the chance to prove I have changed
Walking around in a business suit going to and from the court house I was in
Is where my job is now as I go to court with all the minors to help them if I can.