My head hurts.
My heart hurts.
I am an utter mess.
Must I confess to you the silent thoughts that loom throughout my head?
The silent thoughts of how I wish I was dead.
But instead.
I bottle it all inside.
For one guy.
I try.
The hardest decision when you want to die.
Hiding everything inside.
Constant lies of "I'm okay"
Must I confess how I am unable to eat without feeling nauseous.
Trying, yet, knowing.
It'll make you sick anyway.
Deprivation of sleep.
Feeling completely empty.
Can nothingness even die?
Nothing is what I feel inside.
My silent thoughts are beginning to leak.
Then he speaks and at that moment the silence is beat.
My heart is content.
The pounding in my head is absent.
Absence..

It hurts that I can't be with you.
I've become addicted to this numbness.
It's my fault I feel this way.
I allow myself to be hurt only to continue hurting either way.
My heart is telling me to leave.
But I'm persistent.
This hurt is unlike any I've known before.
Please, I can't take no more.
I long for your smile.
Every moment with you is worth while.
Actual happiness.
My heart and face flush,
I stutter on my words.
I just speak.
Consistent smiles
Continuously laughing.
Time flies by so quickly when I'm with you.
Everything that he is lacking.
Why am I so confused?
*Why can't I just end the hurt.
And just be with you..

I wait for your reply.
Any minute now..
The feeling of addiction starring into a distance as if hours go by.
Biting skin off my lip.
It's time for my high.
Any minute now..
Any minute.
I think to myself then I get lit.
Inhale and exhale.
The cold feeling on my lips.
Maybe if I take off my belt.
Time to take a quick stick.
I lay back feeling numb.
Eyes rolling back.
I wanna go for a run.
Opening my window I long to spread my wings.
Woah, the breeze pushing back I'm feeling dizzy.
You reply, at last.
My heart, beating fast.
I can't breathe feeling so alive.
You.
The reason I love to get high.

Heat building up fast.
She's looking for an escape.
Heart pounding.
Ventilation taking place.
Tears of emotion flowing down her face.
Feeling the thumping pace.
She loves him.
You can see it in her eyes.
The way her face glows.
She only sees one guy.
Her whole life, feeding of lies.
Looking for an escape.
Using *** as a way out.
Knowing his "I love You." is a temporary thing.
That's if there was any meaning.
Looking for love in all the wrong places.
Hating herself.
Finally there's Him.
She believes that He is the one.
But that "I love You." turned out to be a "need"
On her knees she cries and pleads.
Hating herself.
She's cries and cries.
Hands shaking as she pulls out a gun.
Breaking her own heart sounds like fun.
All due to another lie.

She apologizes even when she isn't at fault.
Used to accusations.
Apologies embedded in her head.
Now she always feels wrong.
Apologies to him due to his pain.
Hurting and being hurt.
Broken hearts breaking hearts.
Unintentional.
Another apology.
Sorry for hurting you even though I'm still hurting because of you.
That doesn't matter now does it?
Apology after apology.
I'm sorry you hurt me..
I apologized for my lack of trust.
Can these apologies cease.
Please.
For me at least.

You beat me to a ****** pulp with the words you spew at me.

Standing up straight putting on my battle face.
I continue to walk down the line.

Each turn and zig zag that I encounter another wound.
Until I'm in an open space standing in front of you.

You look at me intensely then lean in for a kiss.

I froze still in shock as you slowly slit my wrist.

I tense up, blood profusely dripping from  my  fists.
I look into your eyes as you word "I love you" or was it I never loved you?

I cannot tell...

My vision has become blurry.
Seems like you've disappeared as well.

I need to get up.

I need to get on my feet.

The only one that can save me is me...

History just continues to repeat.

I gave myself to you.
Body and soul.
The opening of my legs
To you just a small hole.
You tainted my flesh,
Tainted my  mind.
Bound and twisted are the knots in my throat your mark left behind.
The memories of the hurt make me choke.
I wake up and can't breathe
Wishing this broken heart would just cease.
The tarnishment I carry with me at all times.
I gave myself to you
And you fed me lies.
Buried them deep within my aching thighs.
Aching for a touch that was not there.
The disloyalty I couldn't bare.
My heart doesn't beat the same because of you.
I ache all the time.
Knowing you were never mine.
I hurt,
I'm forever tainted.
With another, yet, my mind is vacant.
Overthinking
Utterly confused.
A broken soul because of you.

You may think you love her.
Flawless skin.. big blue eyes..
But what you fail to realize she is nothing but lies.
The tainted porcelain stature that appears to have all beauty captured.
Deep within that porcelain you will find, the hateful engravings of mankind.
The decrepit heart that beats for sorrow.
Will she still your heart today or tomorrow?
A fragment of what you want not what you need.
The depiction of love hidden behind society.
Focus on the girl who isn't hidden behind all the lies.
Who isn't judgemental.
Talking to all the guys.
You think you may love her but what you fail to realize.
You are just one of many.
Of her webbed lies.

The fixated smile.
My mind turning vile.
Bottling everything in just to keep this smile.
Anxiety attacking each breath.
Wishing my body was at rest.
"Stop!"
Can't you see, that I no longer have the energy?
No longer to keep up with this fixation.
Frustrating, the worst frustration.
Aching bones, peeling at my flesh.
The happiest thoughts in your head are death.
A way out of the situation.
The final destination.
Bottled tears you've been holding onto for years.
On top, my decision doesn't make him stop.
Coming home again dealing with the man.
Blood rushing through my head.
I'm better off dead... better off anywhere but instead I deal with the pain.
Consuming me.
Am I sane?

Those words..
I begin to choke.
"I won't make you a promise I can't keep"
Begging, at your feet.
Please for me.
Why do you still speak to her?
Don't reply.
"She still has feelings for me.. she wants to die.."
You think she had feelings for you when she was messing with that other guy?
Choking on my words.
All I do is cry.
Why are you hurting me
Can't you see?
While trying to save her, you are killing me..
I'm broken, can't you see?
But I "understand" it's about her.. not me.

Bottled up emotion.
Beating of word.
Belittled woman.
Breaking her.

Rage rattling. Ripping  heart.  Renounced love. Rigid decisions.

Observations  of a oblivious man.  Obvious he won't.

Keen girl.
Kindling suspicion killing her.
Knowing he would.

Neutral balance.
Natures nourishes.
"Broken" girl
New life shall flourish.

Seven years old, a small child and burying my friends.
I realized life will eventually end.
Ladybugs and butterflies.
Finding friends that passed away.
Nature.
We all die, someday.
Flowers blooming such a beautiful sight.
I never understood the concept of life.
Picking flowers, placing them in a vase.
Petals falling, shriveled dry.
Death surrounding, feast your eyes.
Such a beautiful thing.
Misinterpreted into fear.
Death is beautiful.
Embrace what is near.

By the time I realised I loved you the stars had already aligned and our fate was written in stone. 
By the time I realised I loved you, 
I had realised that you hated me.
I hate me..
I was scared and I felt alone.
Pushed you to the side.
For a guy that led me to my demise.
I loved the energy and the sweet embrace in which you gave. 
I wasn't ready for love.
I dug my grave. 
My life is a spiral that led me to my son.
Undying love 
Beyond the moon and the sun.
The soft touch which before I oftened miss.
Now I look back at the memories and thank you for this.
You led me to a path that gave me the world.
I just hope that the path you chose led you to yours.

I lay next to him and I visualize your lips on my lips.
Our good morning kiss.
One of the things I miss.
I thought I could get over you breaking my heart
But
You're still here..
I just can't trust you.
But my God.. It doesn't mean I don't love you.
Trying to get over you but my heart won't.
Hands around my throat.
His arm wrapped around me.
What's happened to me.
Lingering emotions let me be.
Release me from your toxicity.

I can feel my heart beating through my throat.
And when you chocked me it was the closest you've been to my heart in years.

The warmth in your kiss is lost.
I thought maybe just maybe.. I could trust you again when I allowed that kiss.
Which lead to more than I entended.
Oh God, neither of us have regret, yet, you feel guilt.
"I love you, but you deserve better."
How my heart suddenly ached as I realized the words you spoke to be true.
All this time I wanted it to be you.
Almost two years..
Heartache and tears.
The gradual loss of heat I felt in your lips didn't prepare me for this.
Each lie and I felt a breeze between exchanging tongues.
Then your cold lips.
How I tried to keep the warmth.
I reached and I reached..
By the water was too deep.
I was beginning to drown.
Even so..
I kept going until the blood in me almost stopped flowing as a friend pulled me out.
How could I ever forget your cold lips?
The lips that I miss.

My mother noticed I'm in denial.
Noticed my fake smile.
In denial.
Generic lines she spoke,
"Follow your heart."
So close.
I choked.
Follow my heart?
What I've worked so hard for?
Or
What comes naturally?
The awaited hurt compared to the continuous mirth.
The one that makes me smile?
I'll finally admit I'm in denial.

How I want your hunger to be exclusively for me.

I want your attention.

My selfishness..

Growing.

Is it bad to not want someone with wondering eyes?

Wants and needs,

I so desperately, need..

I want..

You to think of only me when we're apart

Apart from being between my thighs

Tires of being fed your growing lies.

I want to be desired.

I plead,

Envisioning..

Swallowing seed..

Feed me.

Only me.

Cravings,

Let me be.

The vacant touch

I hungrily ache for.

Your hidden secrets

I'm not her.

Your screen is your being

Within the same home

I'm left to wilt.

Gleaming,

I wait . .

I hungrily wait.

While you envision

Other women.

My body aches.

Is it too much to be desired by you?

Desired by others

I turn them down.

Only to be left alone

Your face buried while you turn down the sound.

Desired. .

I'm tired. .

My wants.. Needs..

Neglected.

You don't care

Hurting those you "love"

I cannot bare.

My sanity

I'll protect it.

Your lies

Can stay over there.

We can both have our secrets.

If that is what you choose.

I will be desired. .

And eventually I won't care if it's not from you.

You disgust me.

Wondering snake

Full of deceit.

I'll bound your hands and gut you out

Wretched, filthy, you stink.

You blinked

Cut your eyes open

You mustn't miss a beat.

Forced to watch as he hungrily stuffs me with meat

Warm and juicy he stretches me loosely

I moan
I cry


Laughing,
as I watch you die inside.


You weren't so displeased when the woman wasn't me?

Please

Don't stop looking at me.. Baby


Watch this bull take me for a ride


Hot fluid building up inside


Positions you were too small to reach


Forbidden territory

My juicy fruit dripping down his cheek


Laughing as I watch you struggle to touch your ****.

Your fantasy is finally a reality.

If only you didn't disgust me

Then it wouldn't be the last thing your eyes would see.

I'm sorry for I tend to speak my mind.
I'm sorry it's not what you want to hear.
I'm sorry I do not care much for politics.
Rather than why we are all here.
I'm sorry I tend to gaze up at the sky and wonder if the moon and ocean are distant lovers that cannot be.
I'm sorry that you think I don't make sense to you.
I'm sorry for being me.
I'm sorry I believe in being faithful through the eyes as well as the heart.
I'm sorry I fell in love with you.
I'm sorry I still loved you as you tore me apart.
I'm sorry that we argue and I'm sorry you don't understand.
I'm sorry that I am a woman who understands the ways of a man.
I'm sorry that I can never be good enough for you.
I'm sorry you deny it.
I'm sorry that your heart wonders else where even though you try so hard to hide it.
I'm sorry I'm so observant.
I'm sorry I'm not a fool.
I'm sorry that I long to spend my life with you.
I'm sorry I'm incomplete.
Do you understand?
I'm sorry my explanations aren't good enough for you.
I'm sorry that I feel more than most.
I'm sorry for you.
I'm sorry that you can't see what's in my mind.
I'm sorry that you'll never experience what it's like to truly live.
I'm sorry you'll never understand my words of nonsense.
And you still don't understand?

I have a bottle in my hand and my heart in the other..
Ripped out of my chest I begin to undress.
Why do I still love you?
Every lie you put me through.
I still love you.
My head is getting dizzy as the memory of you clouds me.
The way you would kiss me ever so gently.
I place the bottle on my cheek.
Laying in this tub with the water running up my thighs.
I love you and your lies.
Over a year and it's gone.
Just like this bottle.
I wanna sing you a song.
About how you hurt me and make me feel bad..
Like I'm the one lying and I'm the one that doesn't try.
You make me want to end my ******* life.

I wish I could erase you, erase all the time we spent.
The kisses you would place upon me ever so tenderly followed by the bruises you would leave on my neck and chest.
The tears would stream down my face and you would tell me you loved me.
You wanted us to run away.
I was the one who should have ran free.
I tried to go and you pulled me by the hand, got aggressive with me again, And you call yourself a man.
Our love-hate relationship.. where was the love.
Given the opportunity to have never have met you.
I would turn it down for you made me strong out of your own weakness, that's why I'm forever bound.
Trying to erase the pen leaving nothing but a smudge.
I guess some things are better left untouched.

You chose to disregard my feelings for hers?
You.
The one who opened my scars.
"The one?"
My heart continues to ache.
Waiting to break.
I can feel it. I know this torment has just begun.
Why do I allow you to hurt me?
Allow you to see parts of myself in which I've kept hidden?
Only to be throw away, good ridden
"everything will be alright."
" I love you"
Do you really?  
Your words shoot an unbearable pain.
" I love you. I love you. I love you."
Making me go insane.
My unknowing womb, eating me alive..
Why now after all this time?
My heart aches and I tremble, tears rushing down my face.
"Her feelings mean more than mine"..
But
I've never left..
I stayed by your side.

Love is when you put someone else's needs before yours.
The misguided love that everyone ever so "needs" to follow.
Nearly one's whole heart in just a single swallow.
The idea of constant gifts and receipts.
Merely leads to greed and deceit.
Love is priceless, who are you at cost?
One's heart has so much value, I mean who would have thought.
It isn't what it always appears to be, love can be hidden is not always what it seems.
Shouldn't it be enternal? Not based on material items.
Based on what you feel as one. Not just some item.
Cloaked as chocolates and precious jewels.
This is what we call love for the fools.

I ran out of trust.
Each lie you would tell building up..
The bleeding from my heart causes my ribs to rust.
Beginning to crack.
At every lie..
Three words I would take back.
But, I can't.
I love you.
"I love you too"
Wondering if it's just another lie.
Manage to flip it around on me.
"Investigating.. Monitoring me"
If I'm such a bother just let me ******* be.
Why are you with me?
My anxiety is killing me.
You say you feel forced.
My heart scorched.
One word and the triggered was pulled.
Forced.
The worst.
Swearing you love me, yet, you feel forced to talk to me.
Let me be.
You love me...
You love me..
Let it be.
I ran out of trust..
But, I must keep trying..
I must.

The faint smell of cigar will always linger on my neck.
The whiskey you spilled on me always on my breast.
A friendly night out is all you asked for.
Shoving me into the room.
"You can't leave, it's too soon."
Slamming the door.
"GET UNDRESSED."
Stammering while you walk.
Twisting my arm, falling to the floor.
"Get up. Get up. Be my little *****."
I knew "just friends" was just some little joke.
Turning around swooping hands.
Choke.  
Against the wall a piercing shove.
"You know you are the girl I've always loved?"
Crumbled up money put into my mouth.
"Kiss me and tell me you love me on your way out."
I'll never forget the way you told me you loved me..
Before you blew your brains out.

I thought I would be happy but what I didn't realize.
Emotions had built up, tears rolling down my eyes.
First I thought tears of joy only to be tears of void.
The sudden displacement of emptiness in my heart.
Couldn't wait for my life to begin. Now where do I start?
Faces I'll never see again.
Different paths.
Confusion.
Confusion?
Where do I begin.
Time for graduation.

A collision of continuous spark.
Setting the fire in her eyes.
Heat coursing threw her veins.
Just from hearing his name.
She fell for him.
He held a mask.
Portrayal at it's finest.
The fire she once possessed was overcome by his cold touch.
And for the first time she saw the black in his eyes.
The void is what she became.
Her soul filled with emptiness just from the mentioning of *His name.

I was a prison to you.
My love wasn't enough to break the cold in your heart.

I was a prison to you.
I wanted affection and I was thrown in a cell.

Cold and broken down.

My love for you was profound.

But I was just a prison to you.

Your eyes became dark when I would ask for a confession of your crimes.

You lied.

I was your prison.

Holding you back from everyone else you wanted.

I was your prison.
I sat in place while another looked up at your face.

Your prison which you left untouched.
My emotions began to turn to dust.

"You monitor me"

You chained up my mind.
But I was your prison and your infidelity wasn't hard to find.

I was your prison.
Because I wanted commitment.

I am my sanctuary.
Too bad it took me awhile to see
instead of being your prison
I was your prisoner

Now I am free.

Crooked smiles.
Sadistic idols.
He never cries.
As suspected no emotion detected.
Ones heart is merely deflected.
Revealing there is more in the after life.
Velvet cascading down from the approaching shadow.
Hint of aromas.
Rose and sage.
Rich lavender.
A bird trapped in a cage.
Tampered wings one who never experienced flight.
Sheltered bird.
Kept in a satin cage all it's life.
Velvet transforming into fur.
Satin cage on fire.
Everything is a blur.
Reborn as a lone wolf waiting to attack.
Moonlight shining the subtle splash.
The caged bird took flight at last.

You fell in love with my confidence then you took it away.
"I"...
was the one that changed.
As if I wasn't being hurt and lied to everyday.
"I"...
was the one that changed when she would call at 4am.
Your phone.
Quickly shuffled into silence.
You made things so obvious, yet, still tried to hide it.
Silly boy, bad at keeping secrets.
Silly girl, still loved him even though she could see it.

I try to speak and I choke.
Barbed wire and heavy chains itched around my throat.
Every moment and I choke.
Gasping for air, yet, I can't breathe.
This depression taking over me.
I submerged from your waters only to be pulled back in chains.
This pain.
I'm unable to explain.  
The suffocation in the water is nothing compared to my dry throat.
I choke and I choke.
Through the stormy clouds I pray for rain.
Hopefully, ends up in rusted chains.
Rust begins to seep into my skin.
Blood the taste of iron.
Dry throat is now flowing with blood.
I choke.
I constantly ******* choke.
Lips cold.
Eyes roll.
Everything's okay.
This depression my lifetime buddy.
Friend that constantly chokes me.
Every time I try to speak..
Can't you notice I don't breathe?

I could cry to you a thousand times.
You wouldn't understand the emotion pouring out.

I would tell tales of the stars and the vast ocean.
You would say the ocean doesn't have feelings, that the universe isn't connected.

I could sing to you on my best of days.
You would prefer I didn't speak.

I give in to your deepest desires.
You throw me away after I'm done.

I would hurt myself in order to make sure you were okay.
Even though when I am hurt you're never there anyway.

I would give my last breath to instill the beating of your heart.
You would run in fear while I die.

I could look my best for you.
Yet I wouldn't have your attention.

I could give you everything you need and more.
You wouldn't be satisfied.

I could tell you that I never loved you..
Even though I know it's a lie.
In reply you would say "same"

Sick of this pain that I get in my chest.
Not because there's anything wrong with me, but there's something wrong with you.
I'm sick of feeling worthless due to your inability to see my worth.
Sick of being sick from the tears you cause.
The curdling in my stomach every time we argue.
Should love feel like this?
Consistent sickness??
Mistakes I didn't make, yet, I feel at fault.
I ******* love you.
I truly do, but this pain is unbearable.
A mixture of emptiness and sickness.
Acid ripping me apart..
I'm not even me anymore.
Holding on this false smile for my dear life.
Just to make you happy.
But..
Should love feel like this?
It just doesn't feel right.

If only he knew how I fell in love with him.
The peering out of my darkest hole.
Loving him more than I love myself. Body and soul.
If only he knew that I want him to be the one.
How my heart beats for him.
Sometimes I want to run.
If only he knew.
The deep meaning to my "I love you"
I truly do. Not wanting anyone but you.
If only you knew..
That I put your emotions before my own.
Even if it hurts me.
It won't be shown.
Loving you more than I love myself.
I swear the love that I have for you is the only way to my own salvation.
If only he knew.
The suffocation of finding the right words to express what I feel. Unsteady and raw.. All too real.
If only he knew.
That he was the only light in my everlasting darkness.
But..
Light fades away..
And if only he knew.
I dread the thought of that day

I know you still lie to me.
Each time breaking my heart.
Maybe this whole relationship is a lie.
Has been from the start?
Lie after lie.
Each time I deny,
The fact that you know it hurts me.
You know it hurts me..
Yet, you continue to do it.
Reoccurring dreams with the gun held to my head.
I blew it.
I know you lie to me.
I lie to you too.
Every time I say yes to being happy with you.
The scar of a smile that has been etched on my face.
Void where my heart used to be.
As there is no trace.
Happiness attached to mere memories not to what is in front of me.
I know you still lie to me.
I even lie to myself.
Loving you just can't  be helped.
Not loving you is the lie I tell myself.

"I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU."*
I cry screaming as I leave new memories on my skin.
The thought of finding out these feelings are right..
Where do I begin?
Old memories race through my head.
Wishing I could go back and erase all of the beatings I was fed.
But, instead.
I lay beside you..
You are not him.
You treat me ever so gently, yet, I feel hurt within.
Your words pierced through my heart.
Worse than any beating I could have been dealt.
You hurt me, yet, you are my haven.
Parts of me long to leave you, but it's as if engravings are permanently placed on my heart.
The thought of leaving..
Putting my head to rest.
"I love you.. I love you."
Why won't these feelings egress.

No matter how many times I tell myself that I can't love you.
You can just look into my eyes.
See that I lie when I try to hide it inside.
Not knowing what I want in life or where it will lead to.
Only knowing I want you and it always leads me back to you.
Yet, I try.
Try to keep it inside.
Internal demons ripping at my flesh. Permeating my sides. Filling me with distress, yet, it's nothing compared to this feeling of desideratum.
Every time I try to not feel the way I do.
My thoughts always rush back to you.

Isn't it ironic, how we tell others to stay strong, yet, we can't do it ourselves?
How we give useful advice, yet, we never receive any help.
We try to keep everyone around us strong.
Knowing we're the ones that need help all along.
Keeping everyone out of harm's way.
I guess we should be considered superheroes saving people everyday.
Putting others needs before our own.
God forbid if our problems are shown.
The ones that can't stay strong are the ones that keep a strong posture.
Appearing strong in reality we're weak.
Merely helping others while stumbling on our own feet.

Even though your words and actions tore me apart.
Parts of my heart cling to you longing for another start.
The thought of not speaking to you kills inside, yet, whenever we do speak you're always full of pride.
I'm beginning to lose my patience with you my dear old love.
How is it that you managed to make me the happiest and the saddest, but now all that's left are traces of internal damage.
Yet, I still love you.
I love the way you hurt me.
I love the memories we had.
I miss trusting you.
Why can't we go back to the way things were?
I'll never be her and I know that now.
Even so I still love you..
But..
I'm moving on now.

He called it love, while I stood here bleeding.

Pleading.. For this pain to stop.

"I love you, but I can't show it"

As your words dug deep in me like knives

Barely alive, numb to your touch

I'm dying inside.

Throat swells..

Bloodshot eyes

I have no more tears left to cry


Tired of exposing your lies

You still deny..

I still try...

I'm sorry..
My pride, my little sprout

These weren't my intentions

A broken family wasn't the plan I had planned out


I still try..

I still try, staggering with the will to survive for you

My seedling

My entire being

I've had enough of the constant bleeding

We'll be leaving

They tell you that you are beautiful, for a day.
Would they still think you were beautiful if they knew you wished your life away.
Waking up everyday doubting yourself.
"I hate myself.."
"But you have so much worth"
If only you knew..
The constant struggle of being insecure.
The struggle of being a girl..
Lower classmen
"EQUALS"
**** and abuse.
All of that means nothing to you.
Wake up in my flesh and see if you can last the day.
Walking astray the men watch you..
Stalk you like prey.
But everything is supposed to be okay?
"You are beautiful. You have worth"
Clearly beautiful with a ripped shirt covered in dirt.
Brush it off.
Wipe a smile on your face.
Trying to please the standard.
Learning one's place.
Get over yourself.
You simply don't understand.
Constantly being hurt.
Insecurity driving you deeper in the ground.
Absence of sound.
Lacking confidence due to negligence  
So much worth..
If I have so much worth why is there this much hurt?
Why am I pushed into dirt and expected to act as if everything is okay?
I'm just "beautiful" to you.
Not seeing me any other way.
My own being as if that mattered anyway.
I smile as I feel my inner self fade away.

I beg you now.
From the moment you stole my heart I've been at your mercy.
Tell me...
Tell me you don't really love me so my heart can stop beating.
Tell me you don't love me so all this pain and heartache has no meaning.
You tell me you love me and I'm slowly dying inside.
From all the lies that you would hide.
How I wish I wasn't alive..
I love you more than I love myself.
You.
Always full of pride.
Blind to see what's in front of you.
Lingering thoughts now.
I'm insecure.
Would you rather me be a *****?
Rather I don't care and want nothing more?
You are killing me.
Just tell me you don't love me.
Then I'll vacation from this reality.
I'm tired of killing each other slowly.

Spilling myself out.
All you do is scream and shout.
Listen, please.
My last breath.
The unforgiving.
How can you leave your daughter alone.
You left her with the same man who tortured you.. left her in his home.
Calls of distress, yet, your boyfriend is whom you rather impress.
You are supposed to love and protect.
Neglect.
Fourteen years old.
No place to call home.
Cannabis a girl's bestfriend.
Avoiding "home" when He was alone and drinking.
Avoiding everything.
The last breath.

Sun on my skin

Envisioning him

Warm breeze flowing in my sleeve

Where have you been?

Down in dirt

Bury my knees

Grief,

Let me be..

I miss your embrace

The way your touch brought bliss to my face

But you're hurting me

Let me be

Buried to my knees

Cold wet nights

Trembling hands

What I would give to feel your warmth again..

You come with a shovel and weeds

I tremble

Your misdeed

You bury me

Warmth..

How I miss your embrace

Tears flowing

Blood draining

My body is no longer aching

Cold hands

My heart is no longer breaking

Heart is aching.
Fingers are shaking.
Slowly I can feel my heart is breaking.
Sharp pains in my chest.
These thoughts becoming my slow death.
How do I suppress these thoughts?
Please just put me to rest.
Dreams are better than reality.
I wish things were better.
Believe me.
Feelings that I can't control.  
Falling deep into this world of words.
My vision and coordination, everything is blurred.
The only clarity I have is with the one thought.
Thousands of words left unsaid every word in which I have felt.
My sanity drifting away.
*Maybe one day.

Thoughts linger in my mind.
The panting.
Quivering of my ***.
I'm fine.
Alone I begin to shift.
Our previous engagement.
I want it all the time.
Sweaty bodies entwined.
I love you body and soul.
Together the feeling of whole.
Lingering thoughts I lose control.
Tracing the lines on my upper thigh. The printed memories you left behind.
Hands grazing down my ***.
Heartbeat racing.
My fingers are next.
Pulling my hair back grasping for air. Yes, right there.

Don't judge the lost soul.
In love with the devil.
Her heart he stole.
The sweet embrace of poison lies.
His slithering tongue between her thighs.
She loves him.
The opportunist embedding lies into her head.
Used her love to get her in bed.
Beautiful man with a sullen soul.
He held her, she felt whole.
Beautiful soul in one gulp.
Aware of his treachery the girl couldn't cry.
The devil took everything, inside she died.
Don't judge the girl with the lost soul.
When everything she felt, he stole.

I wish I could rip out my insides.
Rip out my beating heart so he could feel the pain that I feel every time it beats. Or every time it skips when I hear his name and just how I get lost in his presence.
I wish I could tear myself apart only to provide him with more knowledge. To have him understand what I can't even understand myself. I wish I could break my ribbed barrier and give him my life link as a promise of eternal love.
Our blood could intertwine and maybe for once we could be a whole. My last dying breath in a kiss I would give him my soul.
I would tear myself apart just to feel closer to him. I want to give him my undying trust.. But how can I do that when he is the one bruising my beating heart. The one causing my fractures and he ripped the trust out of my throat. And my God it was such a beautiful thing as I was choking.. Just hoping he would understand.
Countless times I would endure the same wounds just so he could learn from them.
That's when I realized I was willing to give my all to someone who would half heartily take me in. When They told me love hurts I was prepared to face the end of the universe to be with him. What I didn't know is that his true feelings were hidden. I was diminishing while he didn't even care to notice. Didn't care to take me in.
When I said I would tear myself apart for you I thought you would've been there to catch every piece.
Instead the pieces would fall into your hands and with lose griping you would just release them.
All I could do was not regret wanting you to keep them.

Another disagreement between us.
Love and Trust.
Which is more important you say?
You fail to realize they are equal as one.
"You can trust a friend and not love them."
But can you be in love with your partner and not trust them??
Another one of my opinions you shot down.
I know for a fact that Love and Trust are as one.
When you broke my trust..
It was only up until it was finally lost for me to fall out of love with you.
Even after I tried so hard to stay.
What is love without trust anyway?