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Aug 2015 · 503
You stay I stay?
Damaged Aug 2015
I'm getting bad again
The sadness inside just continues to grow.
I hate breaking promises,
But can I please just let go?
Mar 2015 · 872
Give me
Damaged Mar 2015
Give me a reason to stay alive
Give me a reason to not take my life tonight.
Give me a reason to not bring out the blades
Or to not shatter that mirror, the cold glass soothes the pain.
Give me a reason to keep holding on
Give me strength I'm not really that strong.
Give me courage to keep carrying on
Give me a reason to keep smiling, acting as if nothing is wrong
Sep 2014 · 807
12 years later
Damaged Sep 2014
Laying in the quiet you breathe out and I breathe in.
Our bodies pressed together skin to skin.
A tangled up ball of hot skin and sweat.
Sticky sweet cotton breath.

Out bodies moved in unison
My hands tangled in your hair
You squeezed my body right
Left me gasping for air.

This time was more than just a hookup
This was more than just some fun
This was me and you together
Two souls becoming one
Sep 2014 · 654
I'm a clumsy girl
Damaged Sep 2014
And even though the cut this time was an accident, it felt good and I didn't cry.

*And even though you always see me smiling, all I really want is to die
Aug 2014 · 2.5k
Talent show
Damaged Aug 2014
She has many hidden talents,
She never let's anyone see.
But her biggest talent is hiding herself from the world,
She can't let them see.
Too tired and delusional that this probably only makes sense to me
Damaged Jul 2014
you know the last time you saw me
you told me to "Tell mama I love her"
you knew something was off
but to me you never said goodbye
Conversation with daddy today
Damaged Jul 2014
But I think I'm falling in love with you*

Gotchu on my mind when I listen to all them love songs
Jun 2014 · 703
You
Damaged Jun 2014
You
It's you.
You.
It's always been you.
From the very beginning
All the way back to when we were little kids without a clue.
Running aroud the school yard in our uniforms.
It started as a cute little kid crush
Then we grew and feelings did too.
Middle school came and you made my heart skip beats when you looked at me in the hallways.
Then I was really sad cause you went onto highschool and we grew apart and I thought
owell it wasn't meant to be
But here we are again all these years later and somehow we've found each other again
And as I look back through old yearbooks and I find your pictures circled or with hearts around them I realize it's always been
You
No matter what no matter how I always ******* come back to you because it's you.
It's always ******* been you.
You...
Jun 2014 · 1.1k
Vent sesh
Damaged Jun 2014
I scroll through Instagram and Facebook and there's even stuff on snapchat of all these people that are so happy and celebrating their dads and it's not fair. Because all I have is pictures to stare at and wish he was here but no matter how much I stare and scream and beg God... He's not gonna come back. No matter how much I miss how. How much I need him. How much I want him he's gona. And I'm never gonna be able to accept that. And it's 9:30 at night in summer and I should be out with friends but I'm not because I'm too sad so I'm just laying here in bed curled in a ball crying so hard I can't breathe writing this stupid ******* paragraph because he's never coming back... And I can't cope with that...
Jun 2014 · 432
I can't show him
Damaged Jun 2014
but every midnight poem is about him
May 2014 · 1.3k
Where are you
Damaged May 2014
Seriously where the **** are you. I need you now more than ever and I don't know where you are. You've stood by my side since my freshmen year, please don't leave me now. Please. I need you. My rock my anchor my semicolon. Where the **** are you....
Damaged May 2014
Don't be around me if I'm.

High

Sad

or tired


And if you're dying to see a disaster happen

Don't be around me when I'm high and sad...

...and it's late...


And if you really want me to fall apart

**Tell me you're in love with me.
Say it from your heart
May 2014 · 418
You
Damaged May 2014
You
There's just something about you.
The way you walk
The way you talk
The way I get lost in your eyes.
The way every time your name lights up my phone I get butterflies
And everytime you smile at me my heart stops.
You make me giddiy like a little ******* Christmas
And every ounce of me is falling in love with you
May 2014 · 549
Word vomit.
Damaged May 2014
I don't even really know what I'm writing or what I'm saying right now. All I know is I have a million things and a million voices in my head and they're going to be the end of me. Or maybe it'll be society that'll be the end of me. Or maybe it's the boy that works the drive through. Maybe he's the one that's really driving me crazy. My head is spinning around a million miles an hour and I don't know how to stop it.
You're ugly
You're fat
Your skins not prefect
You too white
Your hair is frizzy
Your outfit doesn't match
He's never going to like you
No one will ever love you
You're worthless
You're not good enough
You're a ****
Don't eat
**** yourself
The blades are still under the mattress

SOMEONE MAKE THE VOICES STOP
Please...
*Im begging you
May 2014 · 405
Outside this moment
Damaged May 2014
There's never been a stronger urge to just **** myself.
And don't doubt me that you've pushed me too far.
May 2014 · 360
I need to know you're okay
Damaged May 2014
And maybe I care to much.
But honestly even though your writing wrench my heart,
I'd rather read your writings because then at least I know you're okay.
You've been on my mind a lot lately. Probably because I have so much I need to tell you. But I miss you. And I worry about you. Because remember our promise? I stay you stay
May 2014 · 1.0k
Beware
Damaged May 2014
I really think that someone should have a video camera on me when I'm high because I say a lot of ****. And I mean some of that ***** pretty deep and meaningful and then also the comedian in me comes out. Or maybe the clown that makes everyone laugh. I don't really like clowns though. I mean honestly the whole idea and creepy. I mean god knows who the person in that costume could be. He could be the friendly neighbor hood mail man but what if he's a childmolester? And how are we gonna know the difference. My lips are really chapped. I really like this song. Linkin park speaks to me so well. Ahhh now three down doors. Love me when I'm gone. Since you obviously didnt love me before. Isn't that so sad? The way society has utterly ****** with the teenage mind.
Society says "you're ugly. You're not smart enough. You're not thin enough. You're not pretty. You're useless. No one wants you here." So then we finally had enough. We explode. We go insane. We have had enough society says "she was so beautiful in every way and so talented. Oh she had so many people that loved her" it's ****** up. Walking around every day never knowing who you're true friends are. Always wondering whose going to turn their back on you next. Always wondering if all the days I missed practice this season someone would say "it so much nicer without her here. She's so annoying." Always wondering if that "best friend" I made when I was a freshmen and she was a senior. Not she's in humbolt. Anyways I wonder if she remembers she's supposed to be my maid of honor someday. I haven't head from her in so long. There's so much I need to tell her. The pregnancy. The miscarriage. The "am I crazy for wanting to be pregnant again" even though I'm only 17. I'm 17. Almost 18. *******. It's kinda scary. Cause then society comes back and bases our whole lives on what we did during the hardest part of our lives. The part of our lives where our voices in our head scream "don't eat. You're ugly. You'll never be loved. You should **** yourself" and after a while you have to take a blade to your skin because it's the only pain you can control but also it's the only way you can feel anything at all if that even makes sense to feel nothing and everything at all once. And none of this probably even makes sense. So sorry for that. But my mind is a scary messy place. Terrifying and dark. Wow im high. Because the world so low and I wonder what movie Bug saw tonight man I wanted to go with her so bad. But I can't. Cause I'm grounded. Cause they they had to show that picture to my mom. I think I covered it pretty well but my life's hell now. She won't let me do anything and I'm her little ***** because if I talked back at all she'll take everyone. But it's so ******* stupid. Like ahhh ****. ****.  I swear to god I'm going to punch something. Mom even made me talk to people at church. I don't wanna ******* talk about it but if I don't ******* my way through it I can't do my senior project with Danielle and that ******* *****. Well guess wahat. I don't want to talk about it. Of course I'm not okay and you best get off your high horse if you think you are so much better than anyone else who want to talk to me and I won't. I don't even know where I'm going with this. Any of this. Especially my life. I'm really bummed the field trip got postponed. The Nuremberg trials. We were actually gonna simulate them at the court house. Gotta wait two more weeks now. ******* ****. I think I love history too much. I can't even tell you why. It just fascinates me. Something about the heartache and despair I can somehow relate you deep down. Especially during the world wars or the holocaust. Wow I'm tired. And it colds. Wow I'm ******* horney too. Sorry if that was tmi. I miss him. His body against me. A man ni. H ar der. Ha ar dar oh oh ohhhhh. What did I just write. What. Wow I'm really tired. AHHH. My favorite song is on. If you were dead or still alive. I don't care. Such good lyrics. I should text mark and tell him I'm listening to apoctalyptica. Or wait maybe I should text nick. Wait I don't think he's done working. Wait what. It's almost one in the morning. Thad why he's asleep. But I'm 100% fallingig jn love with him. Holy crap it's bad. He's 21. I'm probably just some little kid girl to me. But we're talking outside of work and he's my bestfriend on snapchatting but can you be more than a bestfriend on snapchat? Can you be in real life? Wht about my forever? Can you be my forever? And ******* I just looked at the clock and I started writing and babling at 12:17 and ******* I don't even have the slightest clue of what all I said
Part 1
May 2014 · 486
It's like a chain reaction.
Damaged May 2014
And I hate it.

It's exactly what I said to Kay.
She was on varsity I was on jv when we got really close.
Your exact words were my exact words when I told her I wanted to die.

Now you've moved up a level and so have I.
Ten o'clock at night and you start to cry.
But baby please hold on tight.
*Don't turn out like me
Damaged Apr 2014
I fell for you like the rain fell from the sky.
At first suddenly, then all at once.

I fell for you like the bolt of lightening.
Violently and strong.

I fell for you like the clap of thunder.
Loudly and fearfully.

You fell for me the way the way birds swim in the sea.
*That'd only happen in my dreams
Apr 2014 · 850
Ending spring break right
Damaged Apr 2014
Laying here with you
4 bowls in.
I feel the rush through my body as were here skin to skin

Laying here with you
My window open wide
Nothing could go wrong with you by my side

Laying here with you
Pandora playing softly
Goodnight, sweet dreams, you sure are lovely.
Apr 2014 · 464
And the worst part
Damaged Apr 2014
Is trying to convince myself that I'm not head over heals in love with you.
Apr 2014 · 360
I don't get it
Damaged Apr 2014
People tell me over and over again that they'll be here for me no matter what.

But every phone call goes straight to voicemail

All the texts go unanswered

*my cry for help is always ignored
Apr 2014 · 458
What do you mean to me.
Damaged Apr 2014
I can't explain why you're so important to me.
I'm not in love with you.
We've never been intimate.
Never even held hands.
There's no feelings between us,
but yet so many.
Maybe it's the way we've know each other since we were kids,
playing tag all day on the playground.
Or maybe the way we just got close last year,
but if feel like we've known each other for eternity.
Could it be how much we have in common?
Music, movies, star gazing.
Maybe it's the way we can talk for hours about nothing and everything.
One minute talking about what our favorite tupac song is, the next crying in each other's arms because cancer took him from me, and now he's taking her from you.
Maybe I like the way I feel so safe and comfortable around you.
Knowing you'll always stick up for me like you did the other night.
Are you important because I like the way my names roles off your tongue?
Or maybe it's the drunk conversations at 2am.
Or the 4am car rides,
both of us too high and tired to even know what we're saying.
Spilling all our secrets.
Maybe you're important because you're so much like me.
And if I can't save myself,
*at least maybe I can save you
Damaged Apr 2014
And I knew I'd come across sooner or later

Someone who doesn't know

And I'll have to tell them he died a couple months ago.
Apr 2014 · 670
Here comes goodbye.
Damaged Apr 2014
I'm sorry I'm not thin enough
I'm sorry I'm such a ***** up
I'm sorry that I don't always have the best attitude
I'm sorry I'm such a mess
I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy.
But don't worry.
I'll be gone soon.
I won't be in your way anymore

*Im sorry I couldn't hold on
Tell my nieces and nephew I love them more than anything in the world.
Damaged Apr 2014
I call you a trouble maker because you got detention.  
But really it's because you're a thief.
You stole something very fragile of mine.
*please be careful with my heart
Damaged Apr 2014
Like maybe speed.
That way I could run far away
So you aren't the one that has to find me
Gun in hand
Blood on the floor
All from this blackened world which painted her so poor
Mar 2014 · 499
Swimming thoughts
Damaged Mar 2014
Not feeling anything is a pretty attractive option when you don't like what you're feeling.

*Perhaps death will hurt a lot less than life
Damaged Mar 2014
They're the scary ones.
The,
What if I don't stop at the light?
And I let that semi hit me
What if I veered a little to the right
Let the guard rail crush me like stone
What if I went so fast around those turns I couldn't control the wheel?
Id like to tumble down the hill and say goodbye
What if I decided to make it home safely?
But pressed a little harder in the tub
What if I didn't wake up tomorrow?
*What would you do?
Damaged Mar 2014
For so long
And especially this year, I've been forcing laughter.
Faking smiles.
But then you came along and changed everything.
When our eyes lock I get butterflies in my tummy.
When your name lights up my phone I swear my smile could light up the night sky.
I can't even control it,
It just overflows.
You know how in the movies there's always that one girl?
You know the one smiling like an idiot walking by herself through the halls?
You've turned me into that idiot girl.
And the scary part is,
*I'm beginning to like it
Amani Dakar Senegal ❤️ you're changing my life
Mar 2014 · 742
Not afraid
Damaged Mar 2014
I used to be afraid to die

Now I'm afraid to keep living

*I don't want to live without all of you
Damaged Mar 2014
I was warming up tea and I put it in for a little too much time.
But it was too long so my tea boiled over and made a mess.
But that didn't mean I could never make tea again.
It just meant I had to wipe it up better and be more careful next time.
This reminded me of life.
That sometimes things bombard your life and everything happens at once.
And what happens?
You break
You boil over
But no matter what it is, not matter how much it hurts.
You just have to pick yourself up.
Brush off your hands.
And smile a little longer.
Feb 2014 · 784
Alone.
Damaged Feb 2014
Everyone's entitled to their own opinion.
And mine is this.

The loneliest moment is when you're sitting on your bed crying and you scroll through your contacts but end up putting your pone down in the end and not contacting anyone. Because 90% don't care at all, 9% are just curious, and that 1% left over. Well, they're starting to pull away too

**This is true loneliness
Feb 2014 · 858
I fell in love
Damaged Feb 2014
I fell in love with the little things really.
I fell in love with the way you say my name, the way it rolls off your tongue like smooth velvet.
I fell in love with the way you laughed,
And also with the way you made me laugh once again.
I fell in love with your eyes, the deep blue reminding me of the ocean; my favorite place.
I fell in love with your honesty,
You're broken and not afraid to let it show.
I fell in love with the way I feel so safe in your arms,
When you let me cry and you kiss my forehead telling me it'll be alright.
I fell in love with our car rides,
Singing along to every song we knew; our voices blending in perfect harmony.
I fell in love with the way you complete me,
Finally filling the emptiness I've felt for so long.
I fell in love with your honesty,
Never keeping a single detail from me.
I fell in love with evey ounce of you.
I fell in love with the way you love me too.
Damaged Feb 2014
Can't you leave me alone?
Can't you see I've had enough?
If you haven't noticed, my life if kinda rough.  
Do you like to harass me?
Do you enjoy giving me a hard time?
*Does it make you feel good knowing you're the reason I'll be dead in no time
Damaged Feb 2014
I am 100%

So completely

Utterly

And without a single doubt,

In love with you

Every single part and ounce of me longs for you.

**I don't know if I've ever wanted anyone more than I want you
Feb 2014 · 616
I don't care anymore
Damaged Feb 2014
About anything.

*I just want to die
Feb 2014 · 352
Why am I awake?
Damaged Feb 2014
It's two am.
Why can't I sleep?
Why am I wide awake?
Oh wait I know;
Because sleep and I aren't friends anymore.
My mind races when I try to rest.
The voices don't shut up.
I can't close my eyes.
I can't escape the nightmare.
The same **** one.
Daddy's in it.
He's saying somethig,
what daddy I can't hear
HELP
Im coming daddy hold on
Help me please
But I can never reach him in time.
Something always holds me back.
I scream and cry and;

wake up Bree, *** it's okay. It was just a dream. Go back to sleep

But it wasn't just a dream and it's not that easy to just go back to sleep.

And that's why at two am I'm still wide awake.
I haven't slept in two days and I'm still wide awake.
Damaged Feb 2014
I said "I'll see you tomorrow"
But tomorrow never came.
God decided that he needed you back home with him again.
On January 31st God said "your work on earth is done"
I sure will miss you dearly,
but man did we have some fun.
I remember every Saturday from back when I was real young,
You took me up to the lake, we spent all day in the sun.
You taught me how to bait a hook,
An even clean a fish.
You taught me how to cast my line then reel in once it was time.
I remember when you built my mini bike.
All with your bear hands.
You taught me how to ride it and mended my wounds when I crashed.
I remember the days we spent out by our pool,
The weather was warm but the water was refreshing and cool.
You didn't usually come in, maybe once or twice.
But when you did, oh boy was it nice.
I remember climbing on your shoulders and you launching me in the air.
Across the pool id make a big splash
And a big rain shower in the air.
I remember how we used to pick our vegetables in the garden,
We both agreed that after growing our own food store bought things taste pretty rotten.
I remember the time we traveled across the country.
Making fun of people on the plain,
We thought we were pretty funny.
I remember all the motorcycle rides,
The wind flowing through our hair.
Not always knowing exactly where we were going
But as long as we were together I didn't care.
I remember how hard you worked day in and day out.
You were always so selfless, you had a big heart, that I do not doubt.
You always were willing to lend a helping hand.
People knew they could count on you when things got out of hand.
I remember the way you smiled, and your big boisterous laugh.
You were always cracking jokes.
Always using humor to blow off steam and smoke.
I remember you calling me your little bug.
You squeezing me tight, I loved your big bear hugs.
I remember all the little things you use to do.
I'll remember you always.
I'll always love you.
Feb 2014 · 536
I don't know what to do
Damaged Feb 2014
I cant do this.
I don't know how to go on.
Daddy please come back.
I'm really not that strong.
Damaged Jan 2014
Higher than a cloud, I'm never coming down.
I like the was it feel up here.
All the pain is numb, the voices in my head remind me of what I've become.
All the painful symphony's dead.
Jan 2014 · 291
What's okay?
Damaged Jan 2014
She's tired of people asking her how she's doing and if she's okay.
Because she doesn't even know what okay is anymore.
And it gets harder to fake it every passing day.


*But at the same time I want someone to notice that I'm not fine.
That I'm getting closer and closer to crossing that line.
Jan 2014 · 598
Steriotypical teenage story
Damaged Jan 2014
Cute boy moves in next door.
Girl falls for boy, nothing you've never heard before.
The cute boy that moved in up the road
He's really quite cute and and cares about her, it shows.
The boy and girl, they start to hang out.
Girl falls for boy without a doubt.
Now what happens next some of you may ask?
Well the boy and girl grow closer as time goes past.
Staying up late.
Sneaking out.
Empty bottles.
Pipes all around.
One thing leads to another,
Three beers turns to four.
But neither of you pass out,
Just wait there's more.
The couch is too small so they move to the bed.
His candy sweet words fill the girls head.
The hours pass by.
Two fades to three.
The sun starts to rise as their eyes meet.
A final kiss before they close their eyes.
A girl and the boy next door,
Sleeping peacefully side by side.
Damaged Jan 2014
It's the same reoccurring dream over and over again.
The same images playing over in my head.
I can't close my eyes, the images immediately appear.
I'm sleep deprived, always facing the same nightmare.
Waking up screaming gasping for air.
Begging God please don't take him, it's not fair.
Jan 2014 · 389
Bad days, good nights.
Damaged Jan 2014
What a wonderful way to settle the day and head into night.
Your best friend, hot tea, and a pipe
Damaged Jan 2014
Daddy no.
Daddy please don't go.
I still need you
Even more than you know.
Who's going to be there to walk me down the isle?
Who's going to pull out the shotgun when a boy takes away my smile.
Who's going to fix the leaks in the roof?
Or **** the spiders that lurk in my room?
Who's going to check the closet for monsters or fight off the ones under my bed?
Who's going to calm the fears that run through my head?
Who's going to teach my kids someday how to catch the biggest fish?
Or how to turn last nights leftovers into a fresh new dish?
Daddy no
Please don't go
Can't you see I still need you,
More than you know.
Damaged Jan 2014
No matter what you do.
   No matter how hard you try.
      There's always that one person.
        The one pushing you down.
*I just wish I knew why
Damaged Jan 2014
And my bestfriend doesn't even see that I'm
Crying
Screaming
Pleading
*Someone please save me
Damaged Jan 2014
Don't cry and say you love me while you're standing at my grave.
Maybe if you'd told me before this wouldn't have happened in the first place.
Don't visit my grave every week bringing flower and reminiscing on old memories.
Maybe if you made more of an effort to talk to me we could have made new memories.
Don't look to the skies at night telling me you miss me asking me why.
Maybe if you'd cared this much before,
I wouldn't be six feet under the floor.
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