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NAL 6d
I swore I wouldn't do this again.
Not after the first time.
I even found out about how
the addiction ran through my
blood from family.
I shook that out of my head-
anything to forget just for a while.
It stung for a second,
wiping at my nose.
She started giggling as she fell back.
She held my hand and told me,
"Enjoy the rollercoaster."
I sat down ready to hallucinate the colors
and funny sensations-
to find that euphoric state again.
but I forgot about the paranoia;
my heart beating fast;
my stomach pumped with anxiety;
hell, I even forgot about the voices...
I didn't care to remember until now.
I looked at her as her face seemed to blur,
"Enjoy the rollercoaster."
It seemed to echo until I couldn't seem
to remember no more.
What finds me - True Widow
{draft] july 28th
NAL Nov 17
A cult is a system of people who may and gather to devote
themselves toward a particular figure or object.
Religion is a system of people who may and gather to devote
themselves to a "superhuman" controlling power; god/gods/teacher.

They both devote themselves and hold a belief in a figure/object
to worship and become "worthy of."
but we aren't ready to have this conversation, are we?

[draft] Nov. 12
NAL Nov 11
I've always wondered how people believed in God,
but as I met you- I understood.
They serve you to please in order to find the acceptance
that will allow them to enter the kingdom of euphoria.
I, on the other hand, serve to please you as they do
in hopes of gaining affection and acceptance;
any form of acknowledgment and another form of ecstasy.

They follow God blindly with trust in their heart(s) that
they'd be rewarded for their loyalty; for their cleansed soul(s).
I follow you blindly knowing that the only sense
of purpose, I will obtain will come from being able to satisfy you.
{draft} 9/25/20
NAL Nov 11
I would never touch another boy after you,
even though I know you'd touch another girl
after me.
I could never speak of my skeletons with
utmost confidence to anyone as I had once
confided in you.

I'd let you continuously mortify me, persistently
neglect me, repeatedly abuse me-- whether it be physical
or emotional-- constantly suffocate me within your toxicity.
I'd let you bend my morals and rewire my mind,
just as long as you'd call me, "mine."

In all honesty- I'd let you reinvent me just to be a part of you.
Even the inventor, Vincent Price, within Edward Scissorhands
wasn't as foul as you to his creation;
at least he cared enough to not continually misuse his design;
but this isn't a movie and not everything ends in a happy ending.
{draft} 09/20/20 - the ghost of you lives in my soul; abusing me until I can't walk anymore.
NAL Nov 11
you may pretend/have innocence,
but we both know that you're mind
is far from virginal, honey

yesterday's draft 11/10/20
  Nov 6 NAL
The Flipped Word
I desire to be loved
I desire to be held
I desire to find someone
That makes my heart melt

I desire to travel the world
I desire to wide-eyed see
Every inch of our universe
Every nook and cranny

I desire to be fire
I desire to be ice
I want to be my own yin and yang
ah I want to suffice

I desire to achieve
I desire to bring pride
For myself and my family
Only confidence in my stride

I desire to touch lives
I desire to make a difference
I desire to leave a bigger effect
To leave my own print

I desire so much
It's the magic of youth you see
Right now everything's possible
If i just allow myself to dream

So when I grow wrinkly and old
And have quenched all these fires
I hope I still have the courage
And the freedom to let myself desire
NAL Oct 28
I don't mind being led on by you-
just as long as you'll have me.

To All That He Elong - True Widow
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