You ******* me
Not in the way most people would think
Like a dagger in my heart, you stab me through the chest
Making it hard to breathe
I find myself gasping for air around you
Hoping you won’t notice what you have done to me
My heart longs for you to remove it, to let me breathe
But if I breathe that means I can speak
If I can speak then what will I say?
Say that I love you and know that you won’t say the same
But what if you do?
What does it mean?
So look, we aren’t official
But you are officially the one I want
I’m done talking and looking, done with the others
So I know we’re taking it slow
Like a turtle or a snail
But sometimes I want to go faster like a dog chasing it’s tail
And just like that my mind runs in circles
Getting dizzy from the thinking and wishing
Getting tired of the wanting and longing
When in my heart I know what I want
And what I want is you
For you to just hold me and call me yours
To feel all of your love as it is wrapped up in mine
We can hold each other like a blanket, stay warm and comfortable forever
You will keep me safe
And babe I can promise I won’t ever let you get cold
It’s just a four letter word
Then why is it so hard to say?
Maybe I’m afraid of the power it has
Afraid of what comes next after it
Saying it only ends in two ways
Either happily ever after or just pure heartbreak
I need to not be afraid
Just say how I feel without fear
See that’s the thing
Fear is a four letter word
But why is that easy to talk about
Because fear is being hurt
But love is unpredictable
That’s the main difference
Words are just words
It’s the feelings you put behind it that matter
So maybe we should start to love without fear
I saw you again today
It’s been a while but once again feelings came flooding
my mind opened them like flood gates
Unfortunately I couldn’t stop them in time
I went back to being that small child in elementary school thinking to myself “this isn’t right”
How dare I let this happen to myself and how dare I not tell anyone
but see that’s the thing
people believe that when you get molested or ***** that your first instinct is to tell someone
but really it’s not
it’s to tuck it away in your mind so deep that you don’t even want to think about it
but it always comes back up
it always ends up floating to the surface somehow
I still don’t tell very many people
but when I saw you today I wondered to myself
do you even think about what you did to me?
do you think about it every day like I do?
or is it just a distant memory to you?
Then again, you enjoyed it so why would it bother you.
I see the white picket fences
Even you have one
I worry I’ll never get mine
The fence I have is around my heart
I want someone to cut it open
But I’m afraid no one wants to
I’m afraid that I can never be loved
That no one will want to call me theirs
Maybe I try to hard
But I’m just being me
My mom says I’ll find someone
“You’re so beautiful” they say
Then why don’t I see that
I hope you can break down my fence
Open the gate and walk right in
But please close it behind you
And hopefully never leave
Please don’t give up
Don’t give up on this life of yours
There’s so much to see and do
If you end it now you’ll never know
Never know what could have been
Your life has meaning
Your life has purpose
You just need to open your eyes to see it
You need to wake up and breathe in positivity
And go to bed doing the same
Before you know it life will balance out
You’ll see a world that you never imagined
You’ll see strength and beauty everywhere
The negativity will just wash away like rain on your car
And just like rain, it’s temporary
The positive will always outweigh the negative
So stay strong like I know you are
How can one person make you feel so many feelings?
Aren’t you supposed to just feel happiness and acceptance?
But we usually don’t get that.
It’s hard to find the one that we can deal with that with.
And I’m kind of hoping that you are the one I can deal with.
I’m a different person
I used to hate myself, no love in sight
I did things I’m not proud of
Mingled with people I wish I didn’t
Yes I told lies but that’s the old me
Just please like the new me