i am finding my life
in small stitches
lately

mending the hem
on a pillowcase

darning the hole
in a sock

patching a hole
in well-worn sheets

i am finding my life
in small stitches
lately

until i have the energy
to make larger seams

I can kick and scream
at the top of my lungs
but nothing will make you ever hear me

When somebody asked me what superpower I would like to have
I had to think.

Maybe......healing powers so I could jump off of a tall building and make you watch
I wouldn't tell you that I would live
So that you feel the pain I would feel if you did the same thing

Maybe.....knowing everything so I can know just what to say when you are falling into the dark.
So I can know what will help you

Maybe......flight so I can catch you when you fall
And fly you up to the clouds

Maybe......time travel so I could go back in time and tell you not to go down the path that will tear you apart
So I could take you forward in time to show you that everything will be okay

Maybe......the ability to take anybody's pain and make it my own
So I could take all your pain away from you
So you could sleep at night
So you could smile all the time

I would do all that even if it killed me
So please know that even tho I can't do those things I'm still here for you

Let me tell you about my bad days
They pop up out of nowhere
In the middle of a laugh
Or maybe a joke
In the middle of an adventure
It just hits
Like running into a brick wall full force
Leaving me breathless
Gasping for just an ounce of oxygen
And it feels like running into a brick wall
Would hurt less
I lose all motivation to do anything
Wishing I could just lay back
And pretend I don't exist
Maybe have a plane fall out of the sky
Putting me out of my misery
Thinking every thought that has run
Through my head millions of times before
Every thought of death and pain
Every daydream of dying over and over
Sixty different ways
Sometimes with no idea why
All of this pain out of nowhere
For absolutely no reason
Hoping someone might see it and recognize
Pull me away from depression's cold grip
These are bad days
They are not beautiful they are dark
Cold, bleak, filled with pain
Don't romanticize it or wish for it
I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy

The way you dance through the leaves
Of seasons, of time.
You are gliding, ripping up a dust of
Petals and Amber trees.
Give yourself the credit you deserve.
All these leaves are beautiful,
But you make them swirl and swarm.

I had woken
at a friends to them
discussing their glasses and
tears formed in my eyes,
tightness formed in my chest and
I had to focus and my breath
because I thought of you in your glasses
especially when you had scruff
on your face or when wearing a sweater
I always expressed how much
I loved your glasses but
you never wore them more
and now I don't have enough
images to last and it's going to be
a long forever without seeing you
in your glasses.