I want you. Like the balloon wishes to fly, I want you. Like the birds need to sing, I want you. Like the soil craves the rain, I want you. Like the fire demands its oxygen, I want you. Like the mountain looks for the clouds, I want you. Like the flower waits for the bee, I want you. Like the page desires to be turned, I want you. Like the waves run to the shore, I want you. Like the moon waits for the night, I want you. With every part of my soul, I want you.
I know I am not an easy person. I know I overthink it all. I know I can be insecure. I know. But I promise you, while it is hard for me to accept it, I will give you love with every part of my being. I will love you with a passion and fierceness that will make you wonder where I was this whole time. I will make you forget every imperfection you have, because I love all of them. I will comfort you when life draws your tears. I will care for you like the sun cares for the earth. I will try to be everything you need. I may not be very good at being loved, but I promise you, I am good at loving.
And in the end all I want is to take it back. I want to take back, every time I let my lips touch yours, every time I let you see me smile, every bubbling laugh I gave you, every time my skin touched yours. I want to take back, every text I sent you, every conversation we shared, every thought I devoted to you, every secret I handed to you, every emotion I felt. All my time, my loyalty, my efforts, my vulnerability. I bared myself to you, gave you a part of me, and I don’t know if I can ever get it back. If I could do it again, if I could take it all back, I would.
You missed out on one badass queen who would have given you her entire world. This queen never needed saving. She never needed you and she sure as **** didn’t need your ****. But she wanted it. She wanted to give you herself and to accept every piece of you, but you missed out on the best thing that could have happened to you because you're too selfish. And she got over you.
For the golden hair in a pony so I can see my enemies better, for the stormy grey eyes that hide so much, for the stretch marks that map my fights. This one’s for me. For every time my chest has collapsed with the pain of heartbreak, For every time my fist has punched the sky as I defied yet another barrier designed to crush me, for every time I smiled when anyone else would have broken. This one’s for me. For always giving so much, for always working so hard, for always loving so deeply. This one’s for me For every breath I’ve yet to take, for every song I’ve yet to sing, for every word I’ve yet to write, for every mountain I’ve yet to climb, for every life I’ve yet to touch, for every ounce of love I’ve yet to give. This. One. Is. For. Me. For who I was. For who I could have been. For who I am. For who I could be. For who I will be. This one is for no one else but me.
I can’t tell you. Of course I can’t tell you. There are so many reasons why. Because it will terrify you, the hurricane inside my head. How it obliterates everything, twisting and turning me around. I can’t put that on you because you will feel like you can fix me, like you want to help, but you just can’t. Because I know I don’t deserve you. Because I can’t let myself crush you with my heavy soul. Because you will cut yourself on the shattered pieces I am in. Because I’m selfish and I don’t want to lose you. Because I hate myself. I want to tell you, Oh how I want to tell you. I want to tell you like I want a drop of water in the desert. But I cannot because no matter how thirsty I get, I would rather die shielding you from the scorching sun, than watch you run away from me. I cannot tell you because I am terrified that you will see me the way I see myself.
I wish I could fight it; What I feel for you. I wish I could stop it; the way my heart swells when I see your face. But I have no control. You take it from me. I fall into your eyes every time they look at me. I die a little bit every time I hear your laugh. If I can make you smile, I soar above the clouds for hours. I want to give you all of me, I want to give you the world, the galaxy, the universe. Your perfection steals my voice every time. Oh how I wish I could control my heart.