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Sep 2017 · 638
Never Did, Actually
Lindsay Thomas Sep 2017
I don’t need your pity flirts.
I don’t need the charm
that melts off your lips
like ice cream on a hot summer day
right off the cone.
I don’t need those eyes of yours
judging the shape of my body,
sizing up my insecurities and shortfalls
like I’ve got no place to call home.
I have plenty of love in my life;
real and genuine and always present.
I don’t need you to feel
like you can do your community service here.
I am not in need.
I’m not alone.
I never was, and I never will be.
So, I don’t need you.
Never did, actually.
Sep 2017 · 766
Lindsay Thomas Sep 2017
You called me Gorgeous
like it meant something to you.
I needed a pick-me-up,
and you were it…
Aug 2017 · 268
Writer's Block
Lindsay Thomas Aug 2017
I’m on the outside looking in,
Reading the lips of the people inside
Longing to be a part of the conversation.
Aug 2017 · 260
We're Only Human
Lindsay Thomas Aug 2017
We're all missing something;
Some of us more than others-
Visible gashes in our physical being.
Some, invisible.
Valleys where love once lived.
Potholes in our memories from pain
that swept the roadways of our minds.
Rotting emotions, sitting in a corner
festering from lack of use...
a tongue out of order where whispers
of sweet nothings grew.
Jan 2016 · 312
Lindsay Thomas Jan 2016
Cloudy nights are brighter than starlit twilights.
Jan 2016 · 729
The End.
Lindsay Thomas Jan 2016
Holding so much inside.
Ignoring the pain that resides.
Telling myself we'll be alright,
knowing full well it's a lie.
Breaking, shattering, falling apart.
Reaching the end of that rope;
my last gleaming hope is fading.
Jaded, incomprehensive, inconsolable. Extinguished fire behind my eyes,
the last burning embers pulsing out.
Collapsed lungs suffocating me,
drowning in deprivation.
Grim stands beside me, holding my hand.
Das ende. Slutten. Fin.
Jan 2016 · 1.1k
Lindsay Thomas Jan 2016
Grab a couple monsters,
gather up your demons
It's a rollercoaster,
feeling these emotions.
So round up your shadows,
grab your insecurities,
take them to the theme park
and set them free to play.
Dec 2015 · 5.6k
I Really Don't
Lindsay Thomas Dec 2015
I don't have to love you,
give my heart to you;
live or die for you.

I don't have to feel for you,
take care of you,
be your mother for you.

I don't have to be a "lady" for you;
wash my hair for you,
dress up nice for you.

I don't have to be anything I'm not for you;
be an illusion for you,
fulfill any fantasies for you.

Who the **** said I have to?
Dec 2015 · 615
Sexual Fiends
Lindsay Thomas Dec 2015
Who was the first person to decide
what's right and what's wrong?
Not the picky choosy **** we think
Came straight from the Bible.
The book that's been translated across
many languages, cultures, and general
I mean the first person.
The first group of people that decided
having a full life is wrong.
Being yourself is wrong.
Wanting is wrong.
Yearning, dreaming, achieving...
All wrong.
Who decided being a woman
was so wrong that we should be condemned?
I should be able to **** who I want
and not be defined by my "number".
I shouldn't have to be asked that question.
I should be getting high-fived for having
Consensual *** with the guy who
makes my coffee.
I should be applauded for having ***
with multiple men.
I should be shown the same level of
respect as any man out there.
But my number is vital, isn't it?
Well, I say **** all of that.
**** a whole bunch of it.
**** anyone you want.
******* do anything you want to do.
Don't hurt anyone, and it shouldn't
be anyone's ******* business but yours.
Jesus ******* Christ.
**** him, too.
**** any imaginary thing you want.
That's what ******* is for.
**** yourself, for God's sake!
He wanted his people to be happy, right?
Free yourself from the chains of
modern society!
Find people just like you, and don't let them go.
They will be strong for you,
hold their heads high for you.
Defend you against nay-sayers and party poopers.
Stand behind you when confronted with
mass objection.
We are the lovers, and the fighters,
and we are many.
Band together and **** society.
You know,
For God's sake.

Dec 2015 · 396
Just, Don't
Lindsay Thomas Dec 2015
Clasp your hands over my eyes
because I'm tired of seeing how
****** up you're making me inside.

Hold me at a distance; don't you
******* dare tell me it'll be alright.
I know how this story ends.

Silence your words and avert
your gaze--your games and
puppy dog eyes won't work this time.

Dec 2015 · 231
Lindsay Thomas Dec 2015
I'm not overly emotional.
I'm outwardly human.
You have no right to make me
feel any less than the person i am.
I am human.
I am an Emotional creature.
Dec 2015 · 983
Lindsay Thomas Dec 2015
Your silhouette used to be so bold,
now you've been cut into and there's nothing left.
How could you let this happen?
How could you slowly disappear
from my life?
Dec 2015 · 303
Lindsay Thomas Dec 2015
I think you like watching me go insane.
You'll start fires out of nowhere
to watch them engluf me in flames.
Engulf us.
You like the feel of a burn.
You enjoy the scent of scorched memories.
Charred shadows where
we used to live and love.
Your bed is gone,
the porch is obliterated.
The house is collapsing,
Fire licking everywhere we've been.
An everlasting light that I can't escape.
Everywhere we've ever been...
I can't go there anymore.
I can't bear to see it;
can't handle the heat.
I'm jumping ship.
I'm a creature of water,
Gently ebbing and flowing...
So I'll wash my hands of you,
swim away from the memories
and see where the current takes me.
But, baby, it sure as hell won't lead me
to you.
We know better.
The sea and I know love.
This was never it.
fire water sea breakups brokenhearts brokenhearted relationships
Dec 2015 · 803
I Deserve Better
Lindsay Thomas Dec 2015
I deserve better.
I deserve better than half eaten words,
Casual, passive glances when I enter the room.
I deserve more.
I deserve more than your lack of love,
Your empty words; the way your eyes look
Away when you utter those words through
Licked lips. Wetted to prep for the lies.
I deserve me.
I deserve me, and no one else.
Only I can love me like I've never been loved before.
So here I am. I'm doing just that.
I never said I needed you,
Just that I loved you.
No one really means what they say
In the heat of the moment.
So, I deserve better. I am better.
Dec 2015 · 811
Fire and Ice
Lindsay Thomas Dec 2015
Loving you is like being set on fire,
And submerged in icy waters
All at once.
A fire that can never be put out,
An ice that will never melt;
A disastrous love.
Never have I felt so strongly,
Never have I been so anxious.
Walking on eggshells.
Your anger is a volcano,
I'm a tree.
Rooted; no escape.
I sit and cry, no time to speak.
You yell, you deny it, you keep at it;
Never phased by my pain.
No matter what, it's all about you.
You're the victim, even to your own anger.
I want to help you, but you don't love me,
Not like you promised.
You have no room for me.
You don't want me,
Probably no need for me, either.
So I sit as you set yourself on fire.
So bright, so painful,
You show no pain on the outside,
But I can see in your eyes
That you're suffocating on the smoke,
Choking on the ash, inside.
I just want to help you,
But you will never stop pushing me away.
It's time that I let you.
I'll leave you burning,
Singed by your fury,
Scarred by your words,
Phased by nothing.
You're so stubborn, you won't put the flame out.
Soon there will be nothing left of you;
Nothing to come back to.
Sep 2015 · 407
Lindsay Thomas Sep 2015
If you’re willing to risk it,
You must value it.
If you’re willing to hate it,
You must love it.
If you’re willing to see it,
You must feel it.
If you’re willing to feel it,
You must be it.
Be the rings within a tree,
Feel the bark and the falling leaves.
You must risk it all to value life,
You must hate what once brought you light.
Because when you love, you risk it.
When you risk it, you lose it.
When you lose it, you hate it,
And when you hate it, you feel it,

Hate is stronger than love,
So strong you can see it.
Hate looks like magma,
Ready to erupt, ready to ****.
Hate is the lightning that strikes the tree;
The ashes left after a storm.
Hate is a fire that wipes out a forest,
And leaves the landscape bare and broken.
But when you look at where it once was,
The forest, once so alive, now just a crust.
You realize that it’s not a new place,
But just a place without its trees.
When you sit back and you think
About what you’ve loved, lost, hated…
You realize that you never truly feel hate,
Just the absence of love. lmt
Sep 2015 · 2.8k
Less Than Conventional
Lindsay Thomas Sep 2015
Why is literally everything over sexualized except for realistic body types? All women have cellulite. All women have rolls when they sit down or lean one hip to the side. All girls jiggle somewhere when they walk--and I'm not talking about their ******* ****.
I'm talking about feeling your legs and belly jiggle, wishing you didn't care, feeling less and less **** every day. Feeling like a stranger in your own skin like you put on the wrong meat suit one morning and misplaced your old one.
I'm talking about skinny taking over everything, and my own skinny being considered plus-sized. I'm talking about looking in the mirror, utterly disgusted by your own body because the world tells you that you need to change.
I'm talking about feeling guilty after eating anything; not eating, binging, and dressing in layers to hide how you really feel about how you really look. I'm talking about how hard it is to love yourself, when the world tells you the only women deserving of love are sizes 2 and under...and if they are bigger, they can only have curvy hips and a tiny waist, both of which you have to be born with to achieve. Having a wide rib cage and a wider everything else is something I was born into....and I can't change it enough:
My legs rub each other raw when I walk, and I'm too tall for heels. I have bruised hips from hitting doorways and edges because I misjudge how wide I really am.
I'm in denial.
I grab the fat on my back wishing my boyfriend would stop. I stand in front of the mirror, fighting back tears, fighting back the urge to wish for the flu. After all, the skinny girls are always bragging about how much weight they lost while home sick with one thing or another. Unfortunately, losing weight is harder for those with weight to lose.
As I put my arms to my sides and watch how far the fat expands to make my arms look like three times their size than when I was yanking at my hair in panic.
I watch how my belly looks when I slouch, when I stand up straight, and when I lean too far back in an effort to obtain a flat stomach.
Round, curvy, rounder.
It's intoxicating, sickening, but I just can't stop. I stare and I stare some more and I hate every inch. I wake up, and do this routine every morning, and every second of my day thereafter.
I'm talking about waking up every morning and making a point to avoid mirrors throughout the day, tripping over things to avoid looking down at yourself, and the constant feeling of inadequacy knowing that you'll never be someone that can walk outside with confidence knowing how easy life is as opportunities and love fall right into your lap...because you're conventionally attractive, of course.
You're too big to cuddle on a couch, or share a chair, or casually sit on your lover's lap. You'll never be lifted off the ground with ease in a romantic gesture. You'll never be able to joke about how much you eat like the skinny girls can because, unfortunately, your love of comfort in food form shows all too well.
You'll probably never have love as solid as an attractive woman would have, either. No one will ever be jealous over you because, well, who's going to steal you away but the desserts you sneak when you're alone and aching?
Alone and aching are emotions all too familiar to the less than conventional.
#bodyimage #fatshaming #selfimage
Sep 2015 · 896
Body Language
Lindsay Thomas Sep 2015
Dear Body,
One day we'll learn to love each day someone will love Us, too. I won't wait around forever, so let's get on this-- me and you.
One day we'll be perfect, looking exactly as we do now. One day we'll see our stretch marks and think "holy wow, what a battle". One day we'll respect ourselves, and we'll learn to love in loss. The more we lose, the more we win because we still have each other in the end.
Dearest Body, we are beautiful. No matter what we endure. Cracks and crevices, bumps and scars...emotional damage; the mental scars.
I love you for you, and one day we'll see that. We're beautiful and capable, and we've been breathing all this time. We're alive. We've done it, and we can do even more.
Sep 2015 · 463
Talk is Cheap
Lindsay Thomas Sep 2015
You can't judge a person by the chapters in their life that you see. Nor by the ones that you've been in.

You'll never know all of them, and that's the hardest part to accept.

Love is so highly complicated and far more painful than it is can a person be in love at all?

Aug 2015 · 4.3k
Go Fuck Yourself, Ya Fuck
Lindsay Thomas Aug 2015
You make me ******* sick.
Every inch of my body
Itches to purge itself of you.
You're ****, you're ****,
You're worthless.
You're a player,
You're a Faker,
And I ******* hate you.
**** a ****.
The end.
Aug 2015 · 690
I'm Okay
Lindsay Thomas Aug 2015
I'm okay,
I'm just fine.
And I'll say whatever else
I need to keep you around this time.
I'll say all's well,
Life is perfect now.
And I'll hide behind a smile
Because you always loved that best.
I won't pry,
I won't fight.
And I'll keep the decay from sight,
For I'm dying, and you're lying.
There's no love here,
Not while we're both alive.
Aug 2015 · 827
Your Typical Love Poem
Lindsay Thomas Aug 2015
I want love
Just as bad as the next person...
But I want a love that can heal--
a love that can fuse together
the shattered and tarnished bits
and make me whole again.

I want a love that electrifies,
amplifies. a love that exemplifies
beauty and truth.
So done being stuffed full of lies,
demonized, anesthetized.
I want feeling, I want meaning.

I need love.
Aug 2015 · 490
Doubts; The Ground
Lindsay Thomas Aug 2015
I’m afraid to sleep because you are what haunts me.
I have this bad habit of eating my own words.
Am I breaking down; am I even breathing?
Is my heart still beating?
Oh, if you’re alive then you’re a lucky one.
If you continue breathing without heaving
You might just make it out alive.
But you caused this, didn’t you?
You wrecked me and took my home.
But I’m still breathing in spite of you.
I’m not a lucky one, for I’ve lost it all.
A forgettable face, pale with life; graceless.
Most of us are bitter, but at least we’re still here...
At least we can feel anything at all.

I’ve spent so long picking my pieces up off the ground
That I can no longer stand.
My back is worn and splintered; my hands,
They’re cut to the bone.
The ground I stand on is still covered and I’m
Still missing pieces.
All of my parts falling, one after the other, with
Barely a moment to spare
Between picking one up and losing another.
Just picking my missing pieces up off the ground.
Aug 2015 · 317
Shattered Hearts
Lindsay Thomas Aug 2015
It feels like the end,
But at some point
The shards stop stabbing,
And the pain stops throbbing,
And suddenly all is dull until
Someone makes your heart pound again.
Hopefully it can withstand that kind of
Pressure, this old heart of yours.
For if it can, it will only continue to heal...
Building a second skin of sorts
Over all the scars until it’s a
Lumpy, yet functional, mess.
Until the scar tissue builds
And you heart ceases to feel...
You'll heal and you'll heal
Until you finally just break.
Aug 2015 · 326
In Pieces
Lindsay Thomas Aug 2015
As she sat staring aimlessly
At the scattered shards of herself,
She realized she needed to pick up the pieces…
But where could she even begin?
Aug 2015 · 1.7k
Lindsay Thomas Aug 2015
It’s like being stuck in a vivid daydream.
I’m awake but paralyzed, as if I were still asleep.
I keep fading in and out through dreams
While I’m staring at the wall.
Is this death?
Then why am I so powerless?
Aug 2015 · 664
Lindsay Thomas Aug 2015
Hope is such a sadistic *******.
It will wind you up, and It will slam you down…
Not to mention, It will tear your sanity to shreds.
What is Hope, really?
Aug 2015 · 249
Happy, Maybe
Lindsay Thomas Aug 2015
Shouldn't I be happier than this?
I want you, but something more than you.
You've given me little to work with
Although you're all I could ask for.
You're perfect, but you leave me so empty.
I should definitely be happier than this;
But how often is anyone actually happier?
I need the intimacy, the closeness…
I want your interest,
Your compliments, some roses.
Why can't you care for me more than this?
Tell me you love me…otherwise, what is this?
Aug 2015 · 1.8k
The Crash
Lindsay Thomas Aug 2015
Before you,
I never moved.
Before you,
There was no love.
Never leaving my fog,
Never feeling more
Or less than blue.
Never thinking about you.
Now there's this,
And now I can't stop.
After you,
There's always a crash.
After you,
I feel like trash.
After you,
There might be nothing left
Because after you…
That's it.                         lmt
Aug 2015 · 1.7k
Life is Good
Lindsay Thomas Aug 2015
You gave me a shirt,
Old and tattered…
Once a favorite of yours.
Holes in places, faded all over;
Words under a cup stating
"Half full".
It was so ironic,
And it made me laugh;
I guess that's all it takes.
I was low, and you were generous,
And that half-empty glass
Would have taunted me
Had it not been for the words
Reminding me otherwise.
That Life is Good shirt
Will never leave me.

— The End —