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3.5k · Feb 2012
Positive
Courtney Joy Feb 2012
A shroud that blooms a single bud,
Blossomed at the peak of perfection,
Piercing eyes of those who dare to behold-
Taking trance to those of hereafter.
She waits to vicariously live through another,
By piercing one with her sharp thorns,
A trickle of blood released from her holder,
Captivates her swooning love.
Fooling the world with her perfume.
It covers her stain.

Truly a lifeless child with a brown core
Rotting out the ends of her teeth,
Cracks at the seams that should be mended;
Should be stitched
         perfectly.

Instead lost in the intertwined lines-
withering from the inside.
Unable to grasp each end of the rope.
Never could weave the fabric with a still hand,
She



slips into Darkness.
Although she cast a tranquil shadow,
She fades into the background-
Slipping silent as her seems come undone.
Fooling the world with her transparent seal.
It covers her shame.

A single blossom that blooms in the spring,
And dies each night by the moonlight-
Howling outside to try and wake her inside.
To regurgitate her woven ends,
To seal the wound pried open by her past.
By her current death bed.
Sharpening her thorns for those who take hold,
Masquerading her disease-
black vessels rooted in deep soil-
Fooling the world with her beautiful petals.
Only she's to blame.
1.8k · May 2013
My Journal: A thought
Courtney Joy May 2013
May 27, 2013
I let it take control of my mind. Disappearing in a mist of haze; wandering for days. Searching. Seeking. Finding. Fitting into my piece, so I could spread amongst the rest. So I could fit and be apart of it: the Great Mystery. Truth. So I can understand the meaning of life. Is my path determined? Do I have free will? Can I escape this? All I know is that everything is connected. Earth is a single component; a mere microscopic portion of the entire universe, which is compromised of more than the human mind can understand at this point in time.  

A little stardust.

How is it possible that less than five percent of our oceans have been discovered? Are we ignorant to the fact that when earth started experiencing life, it was in the depths of the ocean. Hence, all production of landscape, the animal kingdom, primitive and current **** sapiens, technology, advancement, and discovery of our past is a creation from the sea billions of years ago. Everything on earth is composed of gasses that came from the universe: what simplistic thinking.
Humans fighting against humans, to taste eachothers blood in the name of “victory”, a game to exploit and prevent eachother form an equalized entirety. When will all work towards progress, instead of the demise of the "other". When will we realize our brothers and sisters are not our enemies. How connected the human race is as a species;

does anyone realize?

Class Mammalia, which consists of over 5000 species, is a single group of the animal kingdom, yet humans are classified by each other on basis a of enhanced melanin, and physical traits. Do dogs laugh at us? Ah, I used the term race and everyone decides to think it means colour, or some stupid stereotype!
what have we come to?

When will we reach our heads out of our ***** and realize what surrounds and encompasses us as a whole? A consistent river that flows with time, shining mortality by with plenty adventures, constantly writhing. No control. Like I am a mere droplet in the ocean, licking the coastline, bathing in the sunlight. Creating, and being created.

Its amazing isn’t it?
1.2k · May 2013
Scooba Snack
Courtney Joy May 2013
Beginning an end is hard enough.

Running through to catch the haze
Along the midst of yesterdays
To fill my lungs so I can scream
Out all the pain of being left here


You are the song I sing
A breath of air
That holds your lungs


I want to shake my brain until it falls out of ym head
And onto the floor
So I can read and write what I think
So I will be confused no more
1.1k · Feb 2012
Jibbajabba
Courtney Joy Feb 2012
Toppled soil swings in dismay of its greater sand.
It tries to stand but is stolen by the wind.
By the one winged bird who clasps onto its children.
Flees from its home to save tomorrow.
Shards of glass fall from the sky,
Reflecting what it seems to be,
Unable to dig deeper than the surface.
What you become is what you cease to be.
Courtney Joy Apr 2012
Let me taste the sweet dew
That envelopes the casting glow
Reflected from the summers eye
Dropped below the exile of life
To where the water once ran

Beyond where sight can see
O'er the sturdy branch of elk
Perplexed between the sunspot
Of the shadowed stump
and summers eve peach
I see your face

Catch glimpse of early morning
sunrise, sunset.
Written in every sky;
lines that vaguely shape the horizon.
Of today, tomorrow.
Outlining clouds of present fate that unravels
within my fingertips.
No longer countless petals plucked
for seemingly this day
gives answer to my dedication.

What's beyond those eyes
A tragedy? A fallen corpse?

Nothing at all.
Drunk from too much water,
Rolling behind your daunting head
the mystery of yesterday
the tragedy of today
That cracks the inside of the well
until it runs dry

Wake up
I've been waiting for you,
for the moment it all gives way
to crumble and expose
my deepest regret.

Waiting for the ground to heal itself
the stump to blossom its early *****,
And embalm the diurnal course of life.
I want to push away
clear away the pain,
taste the poison distilled from your root.
And drink in today.
Retreat the core,
and bring me closer.
I can save you when I save myself.
Not easily understood with one read.
Read it again and get a second opinion :)
A hopeless romantic that seeks the identity of herself through the companionship of others. This gal needs a lot more than love to save her from herself; to reflect and accept her past as it is, to enjoy life for what it is; a single moment.
1.0k · Jan 2013
It's Happening
Courtney Joy Jan 2013
Ive watched you grow and retreat
Ive seen the waves come close
And get ****** back in
I've watched the green dance with blue;
The combination of salt and air,
That soothes the rough current.
You’ve come close and pulled back,
Swallowed me whole and spit me out.
But no matter where the tide may go, the salt is always its product,
No matter how far you get from the shore,
The current will send you back again.

As the sun smirks.
1.0k · Feb 2012
Freedom
Courtney Joy Feb 2012
I want you to shut your eyes and go into the frightening cave; get lost in what was once a terrible dream, and shed light upon the unknown; your darkened retreat. Forget what led you away, but begin to see what made you choke, and spit up all your fears. Bring your nightmares to life. Face the evil; stair it in its face until it gives way to hope. Put away the trigger and stop begging like a child. No taking account for what will be forgotten tomorrow- begin to disappear in what the universe has created- a lifeless body which only accounts for its soul. Dig deep into the midst of the horizon- shedding light on your darkened retreat. You will realize the soul. The end. The beginning. The circle of life. And why these crazy events; your obnoxious uproars over spilt milk; carry little significance in your life. Your inability to control the demon within only accounts for your ignorance and need to feed on what you crave. Build on your soul and not your body; get lost in yourself. Crawl out of the nonexistent state in which you reside; this ignorant black hole that grows as you indulge in petty habits. I'll meet you on the other side.
1.0k · Feb 2012
Confusion
Courtney Joy Feb 2012
Skimming the surface of an ice blade –
staring into your reflection.
A pool of electric blue,
casting shadows of
Your dreams, your vitality; your forgotten escape.
Plunged from above, you begin to sink.
Treading has gotten you awry;
Gotten you nowhere.
The current has drawn you lost and forgotten.
Guided by the moon you trail your path-
Of delusion- of truth.
When will you reach the surface.
When will you fight the current.
When will you find me?
1.0k · Sep 2012
Dream Catcher
Courtney Joy Sep 2012
I peer into your other eye; all the way through
Seeing clearly now
What will become has began

To scrape

At the back of my mind,
Collecting a net
That hangs above my head

Weaving past delays; the present haze
That withers through the oncoming days.
Mocking my every move.

Like a crystal ball
casting my fore field of today
so i don't live for tomorrow.

And be Free

From all thats become of me
so i can continue
to Breathe.
1.0k · Dec 2014
I saw You
Courtney Joy Dec 2014
I am denied a second time
a catching glimpse
a passerby
the endless chantering that flows through the rye
until I catch a glimpse of the other side
through your eyes
we go together

a floundering heat
an upheld beat
that swims in midst of rays
to reflect upon your gleaming eye
holding a gaze, time says lasts for days

yet it already happened
a rewound record instilling its tunes
into you
and oh!
you're already gone
refilling these city blues
guess I wasn't ready for you
oh, this generation of use and abuse
to take as material , to ignore the core
denying the message, but focusing on the tune

I guess I really am you
Ego thoughts, twin flame
941 · Nov 2012
Time
Courtney Joy Nov 2012
I encounter the whispering haze,
of  today.
I coast along the horizon
Looking.
Seeking.
Trying to see the wind as it feels.
spiralling through the windy path,
i'm guided by the stars;
misinterpreting twilight for dawn.
i rise to the screaming, screeching of the clock
mocking me
my immortality

im only ready when you are.
as i sweep along the coastline,
i graze the eternal whisper.
alone.
as one

i cant leave you
everywhere i go
i feel you
breathe you
hold you

just to let you go.

guided by the sun; its dismal rays
i feel the pain.
tears fall like rain.
the diurnal change, i cant explain
my body rests beneath the gilded guide;
oh, what it'd be to seek and find!
just to be forgotten.

my soul seeks but doesn't find; if only i had enough time.
how do i leave my souls mate
858 · Jan 2013
Incomplete
Courtney Joy Jan 2013
Always standing in front of the wall
Waiting for the strength to break through
The bricks to tumble, the spark of sunlight to warm me;
Embrace me; fill me.

Waiting, always waiting.
Will the bomb ever fall? Destruct whats been created?
Tumble dry, collapse among the wet grass.
[Who built you up? Who made this?]
Standing in the same position, shading others from the sun.
Break down-
let me see the inside: shine through.

Sinking in the hands of time,
The granules slip amidst a common dream.
Time going slower than speed.
Scared for the empty palm, the vision of skin.
So I hide-
I fill the palm until it overflows.

But stopping still in whats become,
Waiting for the thread to come undone;
So I can slip and fade;
Relying on the things that keep me sane-
Making me insane.


And then what will the morning show?
The same reflection casting; catching the current
Flowing with the river
Tangling in the cool water, kissing the breeze.
Can I just get a taste?
857 · Jan 2013
If I could see as it feels
Courtney Joy Jan 2013
I can hear:
                   The depth of the silence
And in the distance,

                  It waits.
Lurking between the grey solitude of here
                                                                            And there.
Then and now.

Synchronizing
The ambient future,
Reflecting a shriek of joy and pain
                                                             cries of laughter,
that lick its lips around the coast
To taste this moment.

Is it real
Stay now.
be here now.

For the past is illusive,
Dividing the mystical thought,
From a maximized reality.
Do not wait for a sunset that’s everlasting,
But live in the grass seed
            Of today.

It grows as dawn sheds night
And early day brings rain
That clouds the everlasting light
From withering your core.
From the solitude of tomorrow.
The memory of yesterday, to pass way
for today.

                                 But there is no tomorrow.
709 · Jul 2013
River of Time
Courtney Joy Jul 2013
I see in the distance
The void begin to fade
Humanity in resistance
Red clouds filled with rain
An implemented stain
Infiltrated by societal ‘gain’

A foot in steps of three
Beginning change that is still unseen
To the newfound eye
Opening sounds of distant pain
How they laugh at our silly chain
Running short of being simple
To rather complicate
Life in the eyes of death

If I could turn the clock forward
And purge unto the heavy stream
That carries me
Past the earths darkened sky
To the recurring
Eternal essence of divinity
I would take us all
To where being is exposed
Floating and imposing
Time in hands of fate
In space, reoccurring
And life in one
Consistency of all
695 · May 2014
to Behold
Courtney Joy May 2014
Pulling it in closer from the distance
So I can gain a better view
From me to you
A sight that brings the clouds to rain
Holding ties of ropes that are sparse
Enough to hold distance
Without collapsing
Pulling apart

Holding on
Letting go
Without a sight to gain
It lasts for days
The open air
The moonlit sky
Gaping wide unto itself
Bringing call to dawns way
Bringing fall to a close
Gripping its last threads to the sanctuary within
All closed spaces
Boundary dropped
Falling beneath the leaves
Breaking between the moment and the illusion
To perceive the means
Of what I’ve never before been able to see

Turning back the ***** (what winded you anew)
Beginning before the current life you knew
To hold and behold a past lying within
Projecting a path, following moments
Holding on
Letting go
The river that flows below
Seeing between the lines
Catching the tide
Reasons to questions
asking why
The sun in the sky
Never dies
Reach into yourself
To find the answers
You hold the key to you
seek to find, discover the reasons why
679 · May 2014
The ebb and flow
Courtney Joy May 2014
Until we are together again
Running in fields of lavender
Spinning in circles
Waiting for the rain to come
As if I can sense
The seasons changing again
Round and round the spiral goes
Up and down the ebb and flow
To seek and find what no ones knows
A secret kept
Waiting to behold
Grab hold
And never let go
Of a beginning and an end
The eternal spiral
The cycle of life
Through and within
All


See?

Remember

The days of past
Before when was i
A person of prologue
The patterns within
Projecting themselves out
A mere escape of mind
The consciousness plays with me again
As if im living in a dream
Waking with the early sun
Walking through meadows of forever when
The face of dawn shines itself through
Me to you

If only I could see
The in-betweens of reality
Instead I feel the magic within
Oh, To be ultimately exposed and united
        To finally become
Again
As if a form of fantasy
Casts itself again
Recreating the past
As if it has all happened before

A collective state of mind
Coming by;

When will we move on and become
To come together and live as one
A faith that defys the ones of stories
To live and to hold what we are
As souls of connection
The neverending spiral
What goes around, comes around.
What you touch and feel,
Think and believe,
Dream and achieve
Is what you are meant to be.

Just follow the path your feet choose to take
The guide from within
The secret knowledge
Shining light for your skin to breathe
To expose body from eternity
waiting for you to seek and find;
Grasp eternity with a single look
Into the looking glass.
A reflection it appears
Sad and dissolved,
Radled and upheld
Hanging onto a false dream
One which earth does not conceive
A peace of mind
A freedom of state
A growth of man and earth
Where technology and control do not interfere
with what we fear, adhere, bring near
Where giving is more important than receiving.
Look within while looking without
A projection is always a shadow
Deceiving what light has to show.
all matter is perceived by how the light is cast upon it,
look with beauty,
seek the magic.

i am you and you are me.
633 · May 2013
Look with Feel
Courtney Joy May 2013
Simpler than it seems
a sighted gleam
a look of ease

drop of boundary
an infultrating light
wisping me off again

to where i began:

transcending

Now

not enough senses
for the amount of truth

What formulated this painful realm
in which indulgence is gain
and love brings pain

how distorted we see
the life we lead to be
when Mother shows everyday
the sun will never change.
614 · May 2013
Oh, Really
Courtney Joy May 2013
Sick of waiting for a truth I’ll have to find.
Eating from the inside.
Only your heartbeat calls back to me.
Rustling through the wind
Chanting to the beat of the drum
Calling me
Entrancing me
Entrapping my entirety.

So sick of all the wasted days
Ive used in angst to hear your name


A look at life through a simple lense
Something to which I do not contend
A simple agreement, accepted by fate
A burrowing shadow,
Encrypting my soul
Elating control
Until I’m no more.

At a loss of words
But submerged in pools of throughts
Spewing words up stream
All astray,
so complex yet so far away
Yet connected through time
In such a simple way

My life is but a silly rhyme
599 · Nov 2014
Eternal 8
Courtney Joy Nov 2014
If only I could grasp what I've always been trying to get a hold of.
Again, letting sand slip through my fingers,
laying back to float on the daunting shadows
coasted on the river
riding the rapids once again
watching days turn to years
the sun into the moon
until
swept from below - as the tale always goes
a man in the dark, looming
the land and skies afrow
asking where the wicked set their sow
we all know
its the river below
which flows unto eternal sound
Vibration at its highest currency

collision

You've heard its painless to drown
no need to worry, or make a sound
let it all come down
all can't be found

until light is shed in dark places
when sacrifice begins succumation
the need for precipitation
perpetuation
to wash my red hands clean
dawn the new moon, I'm ready for the next
this time to remember the paths I've taken
together
for this single moment of existence
a chance again to be divine
to escape the eternal river below
so i no longer have to live and let go
love, hate, feel, and grow
if only i could know

the third seed my body shall sprout,
which's vine i will climb
to the eternal valley
405 · Oct 2014
Revolution
Courtney Joy Oct 2014
Letting it all give way
breaking the mold
giving to let go
so I'll no longer hold
the task history has told
forgotten in between seams
of who I'm told I'm supposed to be
like a magnet
repelling vibrations secreting within
just to try and keep me in
within the cage
blindfolded ways
feeding me artificial remains
driving me insane
until i make way for light
letting reviberance pull me in
after dusk comes dawn
the tide pulling me in
releasing whats within
so i can reconnect
beyond whats written on the page

to make way
for a new age

— The End —