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 Feb 2023 twodollar
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you come to this confessional
mouth full of contrition
sorry for him, sorry for her
longing for them
streaming your line of poetics
stringing syllables, a rosary

a lost sol in the ink of space
wanting somehow to replace
that feeling of having transgressed
bonds, promises, fingers crossed
now, typing out a stone ledger
atop the remains of the day

-cec
I did not hear your cries as I wrenched a thousand words from my breast, nor your protestations as my eyes recalled yet another deep magenta sky.
I did not see your tears of frustration as I marvelled at the world, singing at snow angels and harbouring the winter chill.
I did not feel your heartbeat leave mine as the russets fell
nor did I  hear you call my name over my frustrated sighs, and tempered ego.
I did not notice your silence
Until I saw you drowning as I described the water.
I can get a little distracted.
 Feb 2018 twodollar
Maddy
Constant cold becomes comforting
Even when you know it's because
Your body is dying

Hunger pains make you smile
In fact
They become glamorized in your mind

Tea is good
But when it fills your stomach with 0 calorie goodness
It tastes great

Standing up always makes you dizzy
So instead of eating
You learn how to keep walking even when walls turn into floors

You beg for help
From someone who is just as sick as you
To become more successfully sick

Meals turn into binges
Food is just a number
And so are you

You constantly think about
If the way you are sitting makes you look
Even worse than normal

Words like dainty, starved, light
Make you feel
More powerful than gods

There are nightmares where
All you do
Is eat ******* fries

When even the people you love the most
Become annoying
Because of how often they say you're perfect

The saying
"You're not fat, but, you're not skinny."
Becomes your most hated string of language

When you know exactly what the risks are
You repeat them in your mind everyday
But it just doesn't matter anymore

You have already accepted your death
Because it's either get skinny
Or die trying
I'm having a day.
 Feb 2018 twodollar
Crystal
A
 Feb 2018 twodollar
Crystal
***
you're all I think about.
I hate it.
I can't do anything.
I don't do anything.
Getting out of bed is hard.
You've made it hard and I hate everything about you.
I haven't been posting because my mind is all about him and the pain he has left me in.
sometimes
i don’t want you to know me

i want to walk past you on the street
raise my eyebrow and look at you
while we pass under the streetlight
and swing my hips
so that you turn around
and turn back to your friends
to whisper about me

i want our shoulders to accidentally touch
and i want you to feel your skin tingle
beneath the shirt you wore
--the one that is tight on your muscles--
hoping you would see me

i want you to wait for me by door frames
to walk me to class
and live for the moments i giggle at you

i want you to find my fears
and ache to protect me from them

i want our lips to touch
and i want yours to part
and breathe in
because you couldn’t have imagined
a first kiss
like that

i want you to be unable to stop thinking about me
keep my name on your tongue all day
until you dial my number
and call to talk to me

i don’t want you to know me
because i want you to fall in love with me
all over again
See how the sunset liquid
Glitters
The crystal glass,
With lipstick on the brim
Instead of lemon.

Smell the rich foreign scent,
Making itself at home
On once innocent
Young lips.

Lonesomeness
In a burning beverage.

— The End —