You arrived in your sisters car
The authorities expostulated with the shade of back
The windows were displaying
I took you to the steepest hill
We saw La Sierra from the outskirts
The conversation was vacuous
Our days were good
The view was nice
The summer night air crept through the windows
And absorbed into our skin as our bodies collided
The last day I had seen and heard from you
Until the impending days of my departure
I wished and I wished for you not to be a mistake
Now
I see a  man
I hear a different voice
But who’s to say that boy I once knew isn’t still in there
In there with the intention of making a fool out of me
In the end
It takes a fool to know a fool

your betrayal hit me like a bullet in the back
you were supposed to be my everything
you were supposed to be my guardian
your shoulders were supposed to be my safe spot
you're nothing
I looked after myself
I look after myself
I can say I'm okay
I can say I made it on my own
I can say I never needed you
but how can you look at me
how can you notice that I'm a growing human being that you created
how can you notice that without apologizing or compromising
how can you know what you did and continue to parade me around
parade me around in stories you tell and photos you show with pride
you cannot say
"she is my daughter"
because you gave me up the moment you became silent

I had thought I left my heart inside that house located on white avenue as I drove away when the morning had arrived  
You handed me a plastic bag just in case
The sickness went away I’ll have you know

It turned from sadness to anger to hate to love to sadness again and then back to anger
Because why on earth would I let someone do what you had done to me?

I had thought my heart was past the landmark bridge next to the coast
I thought that I burned for you, darling  
But I burn for no one but myself and the success that won’t stop overflowing into my arms.  


I think of you sometimes but not like I used to
I feel for you sometimes but not how you’d want me to
Your ignorance will slowly catch up to you and set you on fire
The people you took for granted will be long gone but maybe a few will return to watch you burn if you’re lucky.

Home is not a person
You cannot seek out a place to stay in a heart
Home is not where you’re from
Home is not where you’ve been
The house that has built you will be gone
The roof will collapse and the windows will shatter
Home does not exist
You are where you are
You go where you go
Your home is what is inside of you
Not a city
But there is comfort in driving down Brockton into the woods

His name was pure and easy
Unlike the quest to figure his heart out

It’s like he swallowed the sun
And you could see it beaming through his eyes

I tasted him like blood in my mouth after a fist to the face
I felt him like fire, flames burning my body until it’s nothing

my heart  was fixed on his compassion
His drive and his dreams

But you can’t hop in an acura with a ford budget
You can’t go to the top of the world when you’re afraid of heights

His light will forever consume me
But I’ve grown numb
Exhausted on trying to return to a place that never even existed in his eyes
Exhausted on remembering this broken memory of something that never   was

I’m counting down the days until I accept
You can’t surf just a wave during a tsunami

But at least I tried