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Nov 2016 · 595
006
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
006
Sometimes I sit and wonder why
no matter what I do
I'll be the thing I most despise
I'll end up just like you
My father was always the perfect example of what NOT to do when I was growing  up.
Nov 2016 · 592
005
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
005
I agree and nod my head
I didn't hear a word you said
I'm tuned into the grinding gears
that cause that ringing in my ears



*11/17/16
00:31
I feel like maybe something in there is about to break, if it hasn't already
Nov 2016 · 652
004
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
004
my eyes feel like
they're gonna bleed
and I can't get
enough to eat



11/17/16
*00:45
things have been a bit fuzzy
Nov 2016 · 351
003
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
003
same thing every morning
I make coffee, clean up dog messes
feed critters, check traps
then maybe breakfast



*15:07
I always serve others before I take out the time to serve myself, yet a lot of folks seem to like to call me selfish
Nov 2016 · 312
002
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
002
I tried to stay impersonal
but when I got inside
it was just too late for me
the feelings won't subside



*14:30
I try to move on but I can't get you out of my head
Nov 2016 · 287
001
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
001
Sometimes I sit and wonder why
I always feel like ****
but when the box says 4 teaspoons
I have to double it



*13:33
more butter, more better
Nov 2016 · 511
Struggle
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
this battle has been won and I
appear to be just fine
but that's because you wouldn't care
to read between the lines



VIII

*20:55
People always notice my glow, but in that light there is darkness
Nov 2016 · 254
Cold
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
I never seem to break a sweat
I'm always wearing sleeves
I always like to keep my house
at 82 degrees



VII

*13:25
Could it be because my heart has gone cold?  Or am I just cold-blooded?
Nov 2016 · 503
Hindsight
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
I never knew the love I'd found
until the day you weren't around
but maybe there is still a way
for us to meet again someday



VI

*12:01
I can finally put into words just how much you mean to me, but now there's no way you'll ever hear them. I 'll always ove you
Nov 2016 · 272
Say You'll Haunt Me
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
I don't care how messed up this sounds
I'm sure you'd tease and taunt me
but right now I'd give anything
to hear you say you'll haunt me



V

*11:56
At least that way you'd always be with me.

I call your name, but you won't hear me. I don't know how I can go on like this. I just want to talk to you
Nov 2016 · 230
Longing
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
I long for a place
I doubt even exists
now my heart has gone cold
and my soul is homesick



IV

*16:09
Nov 2016 · 687
Burn
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
she came and saved me from myself
and when she dared to ask for help
I left her in the flames to burn
'cos I knew i'm no good for her



III

*16:07
You're the best person I'll ever know
Nov 2016 · 303
To: S_ _ _ _ _ _ _
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
I'm fine, just to

let you know,
other than being
very, very depressed

you have been
on my mind but I just can't,
until I get myself together
I really hope you can understand. I just can't face things right
Nov 2016 · 242
Elections
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
today brought disappointment
I also think it's strange
that everybody wants a clown
instead of actual change



*16:37
...but at the same time im pro-life, and Hillary is a ******* crook, so I have mixed feelings.
Nov 2016 · 294
numb
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
This pain doesn't stop me
the tears I stopped shedding
now I could live well
if I'd just stop forgetting



II

*15:34
Nov 2016 · 281
Fall's Fade
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
Icy hands of December
strangle Augusts' warm breeze
as signs of its passing
are shown in the trees



I

*14:27
Nov 2016 · 1.2k
You Don't Deserve Me
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.

.

when we met

it was magical


and when you said you wanted to know

everything

about me

it was terrifying

I ran for days


I didn't deserve you


but when I came back

you were still waiting for me

and you were there

until I made  the same mistake

too many times


I broke you in more ways

than I thought possible

until you got tired of fighting

and then just walked away


you didn't deserve me


XI B
I can never replace you
Nov 2016 · 636
Gone
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
I thought that I was finally strong enough
to make it without you, but I'm afraid
I've fallen back into that same hole
that you pulled me out of and

I need you

just like I always did
when I felt myself
losing control

where have you gone?

I searched
the familiar places
but I can't find a sign of you anywhere

why did you leave me?

you knew I couldn't make it on my own
just like when I left all those times
I knew you needed me
I guess what I'm really trying to say is,  I miss us
Nov 2016 · 747
Best/Worst
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.
.

When I think of you,
I can't help but think about


your sleepy voice
telling me "good morning"

the way you took my dogs in
and spoiled them like your own

the way you calmed my fears
and beat my demons into submission

the way your skin always radiated
a warm, angelic glow

the way you fought for me
til you had nothing for yourself

the way you loved me so hard
you almost had me loving myself

the way you built me up so high
to knock me down later

but most importantly,
when I think of you
I can't help but think
of all those last chances you gave me

you were the best thing
that ever happened to me
and thinking about you is killing me, but I know that you would make me regret contacting you. But I want to hear your voice more than anything
Nov 2016 · 843
I Can Feel You Fading
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.
.
.


I know you really hate me right now
and we haven't spoke for awhile, but
wherever you are right now
I can feel you fading away
and I tried to text you, but
every time I do
I'm completely
overcome by this
vague sense of terror
tightening my airways just enough
to make me really take notice
and making my heart pound
all the way in my throat
so I am powerless to reach you
but whatever you're doing
with your Saturday night
I just really hope you're safe
I never meant
for things
to turn out
this way
Nov 2016 · 386
I killed my Savior
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
When she found me I was in hell
My body was an empty shell
Was just about to give up hope
and then she tossed me down a rope

I didn't even have to climb
I finally emerged to find
The kindest soul I've ever met
whose kindness I would not forget

She calmed my demons, healed my heart,
and dried up all my tears
Gave me the strength to fight again
and helped me face my fears

And for all this she did for me
asked nothing in retrun
She followed me into the fire
and I just let her burn

She built me up from nothing
as she withered up and died
She gave up everything for me
And ill never know why

She pulled me from the pits of hell
and seen that I'd be well
But by that time she lost all hope
I didn't toss her down a rope

I guess that all the seeds you sow
you have to one day reap
When she took all those sleeping pills
she really meant to sleep
Nov 2016 · 393
Stuck
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
I'm stuck

here at the bottom

and

******

rolls *downhill
repost from back in April
Nov 2016 · 278
Resolution
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.
.

*how many **** times
have I been where I'm standing
just to turn around?
I have vowed to get my life together more times than I can count, but I'm still pretty much right where I started
Nov 2016 · 271
Break
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.
.


*my heart is breaking
because I know you're broken
but you won't break me
Nov 2016 · 243
Issues
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
..
..
..
..
..

I'm getting lost
in the hopes
they won't find me




X A
12:39
11/3/16
10W
Nov 2016 · 313
Surprise
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.
.



when I clean my room
I always find something good
forgot that I had
Nov 2016 · 296
Stoned
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.
.



when the piper calls
and I feel like I'm floating
It's like coming home
Nov 2016 · 240
Flavorless
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.


I started adding sugar and creamer
to my coffee

and adding extra butter
to the mashed potatoes

but,

I refuse to keep adding salt
to make this
palatable

**VIII F
I try to fix things, make things better but sometimes it seems like everything is destined to keep getting worse
Nov 2016 · 211
midnight
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
I hate to see the sun rise anymore
because when it does, so does my Dad
I barely have time to get a cup of coffee

and then i'm on the move
all **** day, or otherwise on call
for whatever crazy **** pops in his head

and nothing I do is ever good enough

doesn't make a **** what I do
just because I don't do it the way he would
it's always wrong somehow

but by midnight he's in bed
and I can finally focus on something
without my brain getting all scrambled

I am at peace

my phone stops buzzing, too
I don't have to worry
about phone calls and visitors

I can charge my batteries

I can just be "me"
and after a day like today
it couldn't come too soon

20

VII D

11/2/16
22:20
Nov 2016 · 414
Plaid
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
I was going through my clothes
and I suddenly realized
just how much an object
can invoke memories
when I came across my  plaid shirt
with white buttons
that I wore the first time
I went to my therapist  
then later I got my love swallowed up
by a complete stranger
at the state park
that I met on Facebook
on your time
oddly enough, the thing
I remember most vividly
was the scenery
and the warm breeze
on the riverbank
before that it was
my favorite shirt



VII B

11/2/16 22:06
It was a strange day
Nov 2016 · 505
Reflections
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.
.

I walk into a Sheetz and I notice
there are a lot of people
giving me some strange looks

what could they be looking at?
I wonder, my fly is zipped and everything
is there something on my face?

so I go into the bathroom
and look into the full-length mirror
they have for some reason

and I don't recognize the person
staring back at me
he's uglier than anyone I know

I leave out of there and headed home
in shock, basically
because I know that stranger was me

I have a ****** up eye,
a crooked smile
and acne, for some reason

my eyebrows look like
two of those furry-***
brown caterpillars

my skin is kinda blotchy
and I've got stretchmarks
where I used to have ****

seriously...full-blown man-****

I think I even
seen a few gray hairs
and I found a mole

on my best day,
with a haircut and a trim
I'm still a ******* mess




*VII A
Nov 2016 · 435
loss
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
dying alone,
being forgotten,
fire,
heights,
and the weather
are all pretty reasonable fears

but,

my biggest fear with you
is being happy,
because I know
that it will be life-changing
my world will revolve around you
and no matter what happens,
I'll know that you alone
will be enough to sustain me
and then one day
I'll wake to find
that you're gone
and I'll be completely lost
and I'm really not sure if I can make it through all that again. You're my everything
Nov 2016 · 267
(Home)sick
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.

I was sitting in my room one evening
racking my brain for something, anything that might resemble a poem
when I realized that I wanted to go home
it had been so long since I felt at home
that I wasn't even sure
where home might be,
if it even exists
but I think maybe
I caught a glimpse
last time I held you in my arms
I'm homesick for a place that i'm not even entirely sure exists, but if it does, then I got some traveling to do
Nov 2016 · 224
Stuck
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.

I can usually keep things peaceful

and I don't get in a hurry about things

but

every time I hear your voice

my heart flutters

my palms get sweaty

and the words that I am trying to say

end up getting stuck

I thought that I would get over it,

eventually, but

if anything it's been getting worse

with my level of attachment

the more you mean to me,

the less I can really say

without tripping over my sentences

or otherwise sounding like a fool
I'm sure it sounds silly after everything we've been through,  but for some reason I'm still worried that I might somehow repulse you
Nov 2016 · 563
fire
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.


I lit a fire once
spent hours feeding it
fanning the flames,
stoking the embers
just so I could watch it burn
until I got bored
and decided
to watch it die
she gave me warmth, comfort, and love and in the end, I didn't even give her enough to keep going
Nov 2016 · 214
Leaves
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.
.

leaves fall silently
people come from all around
to see them decay
Nov 2016 · 559
4:20
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.
.

clouds of smoke rising
as the day is burned to ash
taking hours with them
Nov 2016 · 165
Self (ish)
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.

*I'm tired of doing for people
that don't appreciate ****


I'm gonna do for me
if that's okay with you
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.
.


I can't find a cleaner
strong enough to remove this
the stains you left on my heart
Nov 2016 · 178
November
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.


that time of year
when everything rots
in festive colors
10W
Nov 2016 · 302
Found Or Constructed?
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.
.



*can we just
find true love,
or is it
constructed?
I found it in you
Nov 2016 · 249
Seed
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.
.
.

I moisturize the dirt
and start the seed
on it's journey to greatness

then when it's ready
I will transplant it
into a bigger ***

months go by
until days get shorter
and the ground starts to frost

just before that, I take it up by the roots
and hang it to dry
for 7-8 days

then I put some of it in my pipe
strike a flame to it
and burn it to ash
And savor the taste
Nov 2016 · 174
25
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
25
...

and
I'm
still doing
the same 'ol
stupid teenager ****
I'm older, but sometimes I wonder if I've really grown
Nov 2016 · 294
Forever (tainted)
Colten Sorrells Nov 2016
.

Before I met you
I thought love was just a lie
and forever was an impossibility

but then I could visualize it

holidays,
vacations
and lazy afternoons

with you at my side

and when I looked at us
I seen something that was unstoppable
like a force of nature

two minds,
two bodies
but the will of a single entity

we could solve the world's problems

but I can't trust you
for the same reason
that you can't trust me

everybody has needs

when I see your lips
I have to think of all the other
lips they've kissed

and I don't share

all the grimy sets of hands
that have explored your regions
and desecrated your sacred ground

on my ******* time

and every single inch
of love you allowed
to enter you

and i'm disgusted

but not because you have given me
any reason to suspect, but because
I know what people are capable of

**I've seen it from both sides
Oct 2016 · 298
Replaceable
Colten Sorrells Oct 2016
.
.

I've done this
"love" thing way more times
than I care to admit

and it always fell apart
at some point or another
and another would come along


so

despite what we may like to think,
we are all replaceable
to some extent

but

you know,
It's kinda funny
I never felt so replaceable
until I met you


but
there's no way
I would even try
to replace
*you
Don't mind me, I'm just writing some **** for someone who will probably never read it.
Oct 2016 · 278
Medijuana
Colten Sorrells Oct 2016
.
.

my body is here
but my mind is elsewhere
constructing chaotic scenarios

my anxiety really gets ahold of me
and keeps me going anywhere
or doing much of anything

I welcome death, but
life scares me shitless
so I hide in my house

but

when I take her into my lungs
none of that **** really matters
and my mind is free to wander

everyday tasks become an adventure
as some of that childlike sense of wonder
makes things **** less
Side effects :

happy
hungry
sleepy

may lead to junkfood
Oct 2016 · 404
"I Pick You"
Colten Sorrells Oct 2016
.

On a hot August day
I was struck with the blues
'cos I had nowhere to go
and not a thing to do

but  when it came the time for me
to check the mail again
I came across a package there
that really made me grin

it was a big and heavy box
with lots of books inside
and a little shiny thing
that almost made me cry

It's kinda like a dogtag
but has a different shape
but holding on to it can bring
a big smile to my face

It's just a little guitar pick
that's made of stainless steel
but I just can't explain the way
that it can make me feel

now when I'm feeling worthless
a burden none should bear
I have something to show me that
there was a time you cared

the words "I pick you" on the side
from when I had your favor
the taste is something bittersweet
that I can't help but savor
Oct 2016 · 652
Parasite
Colten Sorrells Oct 2016
.
.
.

my existence was so chaotic
that I couldn't get enough sustenance
but you'd sustained me

and slowly but surely
I'd get strong enough
that I didn't need you anymore

so I'd toss you aside
until I got weak enough
that I wouldn't have made it without you

then I would come crawling back
to feed on your positivity
and fill your head with sweet nothings

that was then, but now
I can't live without you
I've grown attached

but not in such a loving way
I need you the way
a parasite needs a host

and I just can't
accept the fact
that i'm killing you

but I just can't let you go
and it's too late to walk away
because I'm under your skin
Oct 2016 · 175
numb
Colten Sorrells Oct 2016
.
.



I'm falling

d
o
w
n

I'm
      s
         i
            n
                k
                    i
         ­              n
                           g

now,

I'm
                                   d r i f t i n g

out and I'm left with feeling nothing

                                                        ­    ****** it
Oct 2016 · 330
Mirage
Colten Sorrells Oct 2016
.
.
.

there's strong conviction in the notes that pour out her passions to me but I rarely get to hear them

she has a pure, angelic glow
that begs to be defiled
but I can't touch her

her lips are supple
delicate like innocence
but I can't feel them

she's like a myth
that I have to believe in
she makes me strong

when I see her
I see everything i'm missing
but I can't make her real
After over a year it still gets to me
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