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 Sep 2019
her
I wish I could
Package each and every single adjective that I have used to describe you thus far
And send them to you individually
So that you could have enough pieces
To make a portrait
Big enough to cover the entire night sky
Not missing an inch
So you could marvel at it the way I do
When you’re feeling down
And if it does nothing else
I hope it makes you smile
The way I do
When I’m down
I know I’m not a healer, and theres nothing I can fix
But I am a writer
So I’d like to give you this



I’ve dug deep inside myself and found pieces of you buried in the depths of my heart
Places I’ve never known
Places I want to discover



It’s funny cause
I’ve started and ended this poem about 34 times.
Today.
Alone.
I won’t address the other days.
This is a simple one...

I wonder if the lead in my pencil gets excited when I begin to write your name.

Sometimes, I’m jealous that it’s gotten to touch you before I have.
for you.
 Jul 2018
Left Brained Poet
I lay in bed
and tell myself how my day went.

Thoughts revolve slowly,
a galaxy
around an emotional black hole.

From the spiral I pluck a thought
and give it a name.

It sprouts wings
and flutters away.

Sooner or later, the lights flicker and dim.

My consciousness slips softly into the night.
written May 5, 2017
revised July 8, 2018
 Sep 2017
her
What’s sad is that
I’m deeper than every seed you’ve ever sown
Planted in you
Yet we never seem to grow
And I could write you ten thousand novels
About how we’re meant to be
I could swim to the bottom of the
Deep blue sea
And you still wouldn’t see
That it’s supposed to be me
That I’m supposed to say oui
Trying to turn a boy into a man
I find myself on bended knee
-----------------------------------------
Sunsets and swing sets
Wearing our Sunday’s best
Taking a deep Sunday snooze
After both being blessed
But I cannot rest
I must confess
I cannot stress it enough
I have been tested enough
I know I’m coming off strong
But I don’t mean to be rough
It’s just
It’s just
It’s just
I don’t know what to do with the tears anymore
Besides bottle them up
And use them to water
Every seed you’ve ever sown
In the garden of our love,
Maybe one day
We’ll grow
Maybe one day your soul
Will reach mine in eternity
Finally joining hand in hand
To plant itself in a soil so fertile
That people will be forced to call our love
The promised land
 Nov 2016
her
i've currently
many
many
thunderstorms inside of me
and i'm learning
how to
rain
people often see the sunshine
and forget
that lightening
brings brightness
to the dark
as well
or that
thunder wants to be heard
just as much as the birds
and
dark clouds
are really just as soft as
the white ones
i've currently
many
many
thunderstorms inside of me
and i am no longer scared
of getting wet
i seek shelter within myself
here is where i
reign
Letting the water rush around my ankles,
I whisper your name to the seafoam.
I roll my tongue around each syllable,
as if enunciation alone could draw
fate lines between us.

The water recedes,
and takes with it my breath.
I see now that the ocean is what taught you
to leave me gasping for air.
Hello again friends, it seems my voice has found its way back to me. I wonder what I will learn from it this time around.

As always, I'm at a loss for a title.
 Mar 2016
her
I uncap my pen in sheer expectation of the thoughts that I have of you to free themselves from the confines of my mind.

I want to write you.
I want to write to you.
I want to write about you.

I think I'm ready.

God's best construction to date was the pathway that led me to you. I am so thankful for the rugged pavement turned yellow brick road that led me to the comfort of your heart made of gold.

I want to learn you.
I want to memorize you.
I want to feel you.

I think I'm ready.

At your peak, you are grace. Full of forgiveness and mercy. At your plateau you are love, consistent and steady.

I want to hold you.
I want to know you.
I want to love you.

I am ready.
 Dec 2015
her
Have you ever walked down a dead end
Knowing that there was nothing there
But still have a glimmer of hope that the sign at the beginning was wrong
and that there was something that nobody had discovered yet
all the way at the end?
you.
you're my dead end.
and I want to keep on walking but…
I'm tired.
I need a break.
The tears, they need to dry.
The pain, it needs to be eased.
So I sit for a little while
Eyes blurred
Head pounding
Heart…breaking.
I just sit..
As I sit...I look around me and I realize that
Despite my misery
The grass is still growing
The sun is still shining
The birds are still chirping
The beauty of nature speaks to me…
Its telling me that if there was no rain
I wouldn't be able to appreciate the sun
I know now that if everything went completely perfect
I wouldn't be able to appreciate the imperfections
The imperfections of a winding road; a winding road, with no exit
I'm not perfect
And maybe taking this road was a mistake
But maybe, just maybe, you should try and take mine too
So we could make this mistake together
Let our dead ends combine
Making an entrance into the one road, that I started out looking for..
The one to your heart.
 Dec 2015
her
I fear nothing more
Than repeating
My past
Cause the one thing
It's shown
Me
Is that
Forever
Does not
Last
 Nov 2015
her
I was my fathers prized possession. The finest piece of pottery He had ever crafted.
He worked on me until His hands were pruned.. Until the smell of clay seemingly became His scent. He molded and molded until I was perfect. In His eyes.
He placed me on the top shelf and marveled at me every day and every night.
But His neighbor was overcome with jealousy... At how I glistened at the top of the mantle. At how I gleamed in the sun in all the right places.
You see, on the top of his shelf, lay nothing but dust.
So surely, I had to be destroyed.
In the thick of the night, he stole me off of the mantle and marveled at my greatness.
He brought me back to his place and stuck me in the darkest of rooms.
So that light would never be able to shine on me again.
He spun me on his fingers, no delicacy in his touch.
He tossed me up and down, mocking my beauty.
Day after day I was plagued with the imminent thought of destruction.
Overridden with depression.
I cried out to my potter, and when the thief heard, he ran into the dark room and bellowed "no one will help you", picked me up, and threw me against the ground.
Pieces of me shattered in every direction, strewn against the floor of the enemies house.
My insides, corrupted with sin from all the time collected in this place were brought forth.
All I could hear was the wicked laugh taunting me, exclaiming  "who could love you now"?
Then suddenly a light shone in my face, something I hadn't seen in years.
Every broken piece of me looked up and saw my potters face, with tears rolling down his cheeks.
He began to pick me up in an attempt to put me back together...
Abba!! I cried! Your fingers! They will bleed!
My daughter, he replied, I have one  hole in each of my hands!! My love for you has endured much more than a few scratches upon my fingertips!
He continued to piece me back together, not missing a beat, not missing a piece.
He shielded me from the looking eyes of judgement, bearing the stripes on His back for leverage.
Abba!! I cried out again, can't you see all of the sin that filled me?! I am no longer perfect! How can you love me?
I understand your sin, my daughter!  in it, my grace is perfected! You are my creation, you are my reason! Upon making you whole again, I will not put back your transgressions!
He finalized the touches, not missing one piece.
He wiped my face, not missing one tear.
He renewed my heart, not missing one beat.
He carried me back home and presented me in His name to his Father.
Took His seat upon His throne and placed me on the mantle, right by His side, letting his glory shine on me.
He smiled and said "welcome home, my daughter, welcome home."
Coming into Christianity, this is how I felt. It hasn't been easy. This is my story, in its simplest form. My battle and my victory.
 Nov 2015
her
And I think I'll call these the lost nights.

The nights where the silence is all consuming. Shapeshifting into black holes.

The only light at the end of this tunnel used to be the sound of your voice.

But now I'm stuck between the four walls of my mind that taunt me with the secrets they hold in the form of my memories.

The most prevalent one says that you'll never call.

So far it's been right. Sometimes I ignore it.. But nights like these, it ricochets like gunshots. Screaming to be more than heard..

Screaming to be felt.

And once again I'm reminded that I'd rather it be your voice that broke the silence instead of my memory of it.

I think I'll call these the lost nights.
 Nov 2015
her
I want you, but I'm okay with your essence
Basking in your scent long after your presence
The pursuit of my happiness
Seems to wrapped up in your arms
Yet I'm wrapped up
And you seem to be gone
Our fate is as good as whitewashed
Unwritten history in the making
Sanitized love
I give and you're taking
I should never be ok with half
When whole is available
I was ok with your essence
Until it became untraceable
 May 2015
Melissa Vance
After a while you begin to realize
That life is what you make it
That he really didn't mean it when he said he would love you forever
And  that it'll be a long journey back to finding who you used to be
After you decide to give in and let go
Finally say "**** it" and not care about the rest of them
Because you realize that no one else matters
Except for you and what you think of yourself

After a while you begin to realize
That if you would have just said no
Sent him home and not allowed the advances to happen
You might be a little less damaged
A little more capable of taking care of yourself
But everything changed after that night
Even though that night wasn't the beginning of it

After a while you begin to realize
That your past does affect you
Whether you want it to or not
That the night he took advantage
Left you more messed up than you could want
You don't know why he did it—
After all he's blood—
And relation should have drawn the line
Way before he decided to stop

After a while you begin to realize
That you're stronger than you think
You've been to hell and back
But it's made you the person you are today
And you wouldn't take it back for the world
It might sound strange, wanting the bad with the good
But the mixed bag makes life interesting
And makes you ready for anything

After a while you begin to realize
That you're ready to take on the world
It might be scary
And it might come with some bad
But you know you can conquer it
I wrote this a while ago and just found it today. As always, commentary is welcome! Thanks :)
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