I’ve tattooed a line across
the veins of my wrist
and marked a down stroke
for every time
“you can’t wear red lipstick”
made me believe
I never wanted to in the first place.

for every time instead
I’ve stained my lips with cherries
learning how to tie the stems
so I can slip forget-me-knots
to the back of your throat—
do you feel my restriction now?

the razors that fly off my tongue
perk thorns on my skin,
another down stroke on my wrist
will teach me that
you were right,
shyness is a virtue.

no need to speak,
go spend one hundred dollars
and some percent for tax
to cover up,
even though I’m sure your mother told you
that cotton stains.

so make it black.
get your hair stuck
in the zipper of that sundress
and pray as you pull it out
that it will lose its pigmentation
in the process
mark a down stroke
for killing two flowers
for one bouquet.

hold it
close your eyes and throw it back,
I know we shouldn’t be wearing white anyway
but tradition can take a lot out of you
like what you really think—
don’t say **** in public.

instead drag your first impressions
all the way to the altar
and dress in your Sunday best
a flower on your lapel
clear on your lips
a stroke for the neat decline
of the son

I tattooed a line across
the veins of my wrist
and marked a down stroke
for every time
my image
was my fault.

A free bird leaps on the back
Of the wind and floats downstream
Till the current ends and dips his wing
In the orange suns rays
And dares to claim the sky.

But a BIRD that stalks down his narrow cage
Can seldom see through his bars of rage
His wings are clipped and his feet are tied
So he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
Of things unknown but longed for still
And his tune is heard on the distant hill for
The caged bird sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
And the trade winds soft through
The sighing trees
And the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright
Lawn and he names the sky his own.

But a caged BIRD stands on the grave of dreams
His shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
His wings are clipped and his feet are tied
So he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with
A fearful trill of things unknown
But longed for still and his
Tune is heard on the distant hill
For the caged bird sings of freedom.

Everyone looks at me and they judge me but I don't blame them they won't understand.
I was innocent girl believed in christmas father believed in fairies belived in love and trusted everyone .
But someone took it all away and it was too soon for me.
It was a night as any other night I looked out my window so the stars and smiled.
Switched the light of hugged my teddy bear and closed my eyes.
As I was about to come to the middle of my sleep.
The door opened I was scared thought it was a monster...
Yes it was a monster but it was a human being acting like a monster his hand on my little lips . His whole body between my tiny hips he thought they were big enough for him to fit.
Worst pain I have ever felt and the more he seemed to pump it got worse .
Tears on my face throat burning I couldn't breath.
As the "monster" walked out of the room everytime .
He would leave me broken than I was before.
From that day the world seemed different not save .
Cause oneday the monster 's mask fell out and I realised that this was not a real monster it was a man that was supposed to love me and take care of me.
But he thought wreking me everyday was right.
And guess what the woman that carried me for nine months knew about this but she turned the other cheeck.
So tell me how can I stop being so paranoid when the world just showed me how people can decieve you people you love.
The man that was supposed to take my mom as his didn't feel she was enough so he destroyed a innocent soul.
And my mom couldn't imagine herself squeezing the pilllow so she pretended not to see it.
Know you know the story
Behind my bitternes
Behind my anger
Behind my sadness
Behind  my paranoia
When that man broke me he took my innocence .

I love you so much
Even when you sleep
And I can't hear your thoughts
And your mouth doesn't speak.

I love you so much
When you breath soft and slow
When you're driving and singing along to the radio.

I love you when you get so frustrated
And look as if you're going to cry
And you just sit down and look at me
Like I'm the best thing in your life.

I love you when you make me lunch on Sundays,
And lay with me in the sun,
Like two cats on the back porch,
I laugh and you come undone.

You're such a gentle soul
I don't know how you ended up here,
But I crave you all the time,
You subside all the sadness and fear.

You're an angel in the mortal world,
Too humble to ever let yourself see it's true,
You're the only one that can make me feel it,
And
I love you
I love you
I love you

To the girls who are secretly so broken
You WILL be alright
I know you have scars on your soul
Maybe your heart
Possibly your wrists
None of this is your fault
And even if you think it is
Let it go
Not that you can, that easily
But try
I know you are broken
I know you're not okay
Especially when people ask how you are and you answer "I'm fine"
When what you really mean is "I'm alive"
But what do you really care about your own survival anymore
Well I just want you to know
There is beauty in broken glass
And to me
There is immeasurable beauty
In broken girls
So don't you ever forget
You cannot be defined by pain
You're too beautiful for that
Stay strong, broken girl
Nothing is ever really broken

Some one should have told me not to go this far.
At the first stages of this obsession, It was just the same
Just the same as any pre-teen curiosity
I was a curious little one, I suppose.

But as usual, I have to work for what I want,
Nothing ever comes easy
But I suppose I like it that way
Or I did

I wanted this
Wanted it so badly
Just like any other human
I wanted to be special
How disgustingly selfish

I wanted the titles
The magic
"Witch,
Psychic,
Magic,
Medium"

I read the books
I tried and tried
And then I fell in love

I guess that was the key
I got what I wanted
Now all I have to do is protect it.

But no kid should have to suffer through this
Cry at night because the world is so pointless
Hate being human so much

I never thought
That all I would long for
Is to be selfless  
To love unconditionally

No matter how hard I fight
I will always be
A selfish
                  Hateful
                              ­  Lusting
                                               Malicious
                                                       ­         Worthless
                                              ­                                     Pointless human
Just like everyone
Living life for their own satisfaction
Nothing else

I hate myself.
I want to stop existing.
I want to go back to blissful ignorance.

I am so ashamed
I should have known
I cannot control human nature

I am so ashamed
That I am so weak
I can't control my desire to be special
Or my "dark side"
Or admit that that dark side is just a figment
*So people will pay attention to me.

Memories faded
All flooding back
Rush through my blood
Like a heart attack
Feeling like
I'm never clean
Tainted thoughts
And my bad dreams
That awful man
That mom brought home
Who touched me
When we were alone
My body shivers
From the pain
The memories
Have left me stained
For years I'd hoped
I was insane
But the truth is ugly
And so plain
I always said no
But mom didn't care
It was my fault
Even though I was scared
I'd feel him move
He'd feel me tear
He smelled like beer
and grabbed my hair
It's all okay
Cuz life's unfair
But I wish he'd
Never been there
I smell his scent
And taste his breath
Whenever I try
To have ***
I see his face
And hear his voice
The man
Never gave me a choice
No means no
But he heard yes
He took my innocence
And left me this