Sometimes I think if I'll ever have that conversation with you.

I mean, sometimes I wonder if I'll ever even have another conversation with you.

But if I do, I hope it'll be one where you ask the question you shouldn't.

"Do you still love me?"

I replay this scenario over and over and over, going through what I could say.

Whether you'd blush, whether you'd cry. Whether it'll all be okay.

And maybe my words will be like kindling to the fire we once had, a catalyst to an experiment of old.

But it's said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again, expecting different results.

I think I've gone past insanity, I've closed up, I've battened down the hatches and weathered the storms of my psyche.

But I'm not sure if I prefer the emptiness of these open seas, and I think feeling something, is better than feeling nothing.

I am a broken tape of our favourite film, filled with too many memories to just throw away.

Except now, I can only loop the **** part.

Sometimes I think if I'll ever have that conversation with you.

I mean, sometimes I wonder if I'll ever even have another conversation with you.

But if I do, it'll be one where you don't ask the question you should.

"Do you still love me?"

unto the earth's crust
soaking rains did pour down
quenching its dryness

It rained the other day.
It’d been quite a while since the last rain.
I sat in my corner
watching the drops hit our pond,
and I thought to myself,
“My, it has been a while since I last played in the rain.
I should change that.”
So, I hopped into a pair of shorts and sandals.
I walked out the door.
I felt the instant chill
as the drops hammered against my skin.
My  shoulders tensed up in the cold.
My face broke into a smile.
I ran and stomped and played
in the puddles, brown and cold.
I felt alive again.
It was a pleasant experience.

Love saved my life
It wasn’t long ago
when I received the call
I remember it like yesterday
It was bed time
ready to crashed when the
township called
expressing my brother had expired
someone had took his life
shot him in the head
At that very moment
my entire life shattered
into a million pieces
nowhere to be found
Quickly I rushed to
the hospital in the
hope maybe he was
still breathing, still moving
but the outcome
was everything but that
Few days after
we’ve put him to rest
in his last resting place
he was only nineteen
Felt like a dream
refused to believed
i prayed to God
to not allowed it  be true
when I awake
day dreaming
But sooner and later
you always always
have to wake up
Hatred strengthened
to a point
I was ready for war
with whomever involved
Strapped ready to fight
when I realized because
of my faith this wasn’t
the way for I’ll rot in hell
Not long after
depression  kicked in
started hearing voices
all through my head
Voices
I didn’t recognized
whispering to me
It was time to joined him
meaning
my brother to a better place
I remember
I sat in my car
with my glock clacked back
against my temple
ready to pulled
the trigger
when my phone
vibrated  and said
It was from love
I decided to answered
and told her my story
had no more desire
to live This was
my good bye
Then I started crying
and she cried along with me
and prayed with me
tell me to come home  
she’ll make this better
she didn’t want to lose me
in a word
she was carrying my son
which I’ve heard
for the first time ever
It was at that moment
when  my life started over
a clean slate at a new life
and still today
our love has
grown stronger
she showed me the
love I always needed
this  woman is the
reason I did not drown
In my depression
In my sorrow
In my anger
Everyday she came
looking for me
I knew how blessed
I am to have her
in my life today
This is my reason
I care for those
Who haven’t find
love and have no one
to call their own
Because truly I truly
don’t know what
would I do today
without my wife
in my life for
She is my treasure
and the reason
this is my reason
I’ll always choose
          Love

just two kids
riddled with anxiety and depression
finding comfort in each other
loving each other
stumbling through life
hoping to make it out
alive

promises can turn into lies.
dreams and hopes can turn into lies.
when i thought i found what i wanted,
it was a lie.
all the lies crashed in as a wave and broke me down with painful memories.
each time i try to rebuild,
i am broken down again.
that’s why i hate the beach
since the icy water just breaks me
the same way his eyes and lies
break me.

Tonight I'm gonna sleep,
I'm gonna let my mind rest.
There are secrets he chose to keep,
Despite of me, giving my best.

No matter how much I give,
I know I'll  never be enough.
Maybe because I'm not the one he needs,
So he's still craving for other's  love.

I'd like to think this is a game
I have to fight hard to win,
But feeling this much of pain
I think I'll just let her have him.

This time I'm now letting go
Of all the feelings I've invested.
It's time for me to let myself grow
And learn that no one can be trusted.

So now I'm gonna sleep
Probably a little much longer.
He was once my sweet dreams,
But now he's my worst nightmare.