A dim light is seen in my despair,
I run towards it but it gets further
away, I run till my lungs burn but
it is but a pinprick, teasing me that
there is some way out of this room
I'm locked in my own despair.

I walk away and look over my
shoulder,  its back where it was. I
was in a room that surrounded me
in black, the walls were my despair.
I would not let the light trick me,
feeding my desperation, a trick of
the mind as I had to find my own
way out of there.

So I clawed at the wall, showed it  
I had strength, the scratch became
a gouge and then the bricks became
lose. They did eventually fall, I
was trapped for what seemed a life
time, behind this walled room of
darkness but I released myself.

Now I walk in the light, always
knowing that the room I was in
could swallow me again, I just
had to be stronger and not give
in to my despair.

I put a pen to my
temple and Bang
my head shudders,
out flowed words as
if they were blood...

There is a space between us,
it just sees to grow, we cant
reach across the void that is
growing we both know it
started long ago, we ignored
it thinking it would shrink
but instead it did grow.

I can see you touch your finger
tips, but the void pushes us
further apart, the longer this
goes on. We try to fight it,
but how long can we hold
on, the void is that place
where failed love does go.

The distance isn't far, but the
gravity of lost love pushes us
apart, we don't want to admit
it but our love was lost to the
void, and only scraps are left
to hang on to, how long can this
go on before one of us leaves.

Doors open doors closed some
open to happiness others to
misery untold.

We may keep the door closed
never seeing what changes
what are decision may unfold.

But doors that are opened, some
times a surprise, same times
happiness that wouldn't have
been found if left that door left
closed.

There are doors opened, there
are some doors that are for
reasons to the person left
closed.

But to each they must choose
if they want to open or leave
it closed.

Hazardous fire, purifier of all that is unclean.
Clean me. Purge my soul in a fire so hot there is no pain.
Blaze in me, like he once blazed in me.
Fire symbolic of Hell, yet contradictory, the symbol
of purification.
I want a bonfire, a conflagration of flames, so large it
obliterates me, my name, my deeds.
Paper, sticks, books, wood, lighter fuel, all in readiness.
I need, NO, desire, the soothing, licking, crackling heat.
I felt heat once before, a desirous heat that bore into my core.
He's gone, I'm cold.
Time now to fan these flames that lustfully lick at my bedroom door.

Traffic speeds past
People go slow.
Days are long
Nights are short.
Silence is deep
People are shallow.
Love is a need
Like water and air.
Food interrupts
A nice interruption.
Dolls for girls
Guns for boys.
Boys now men
Girls now mothers.
A Mothers tears flow faster than traffic
For the boy with a plastic gun, now a dead man,
a dead soldier.

Duality of the soul
good, bad, happy, sad
Loved, unloved
Wanted, unwanted
The malady of morality.
Who would want to live forever today?
Corruption, disease, pain, infection, brutality.
Pop my date of cessation on a notepad,
I'll get around to being, bad looks like the
World already has.

My life
is made up of
interesting lives.
People that seem
to always be in
motion, doing
and experiencing life
and all that it offers.
I merely sit and observe
from behind the railings,
Yearning to join in,
But having not the courage
That would be needed to
Step away from my life
Into the one I wish I had.

Drip drip
I'm lying in bed
It's freezing cold
With only a thin blanket to cover me

Drip drip
There's a window right beside me
The sun is rising
I can feel the light on my skin, but it gives me no warmth

Drip drip
I'm me
Then I'm my other me

Drip drip
I am so cold I no longer shiver
My lips are blue
My skin pale white porcelain
My body is stiff
Can't move

Drip drip
The heat from my body leaves me with every exhale

Drip...drip
I can't feel my body

Drip....drip
My eyelids close slowly
I'm sleepy

Drip.....drip
Am I dead?
Cause I can't feel a thing

Drip......drip
I can still hear the water dripping

Drip.......drip
I can't feel myself breathing

*Thump Thump Thump
Cold death's door is waiting
I hear no dripping
I hear it no more

When lamination slowly starts to creep
We weep
We seek
To release
We're meek
Helpless
Sleep sleeplessly
Terrible dreams
We seek what they mean
Froze
Stuck
In our lamination
Paralyzed in our dreams
Rainbows and unicorns were not in them
And if they were they were what led me to these nightmares
Nightmares when I try to run
Try to scream
Try not to stare at the rising sun
My lips blue
lying on the beach
Skin pale and sand smeared lips
Eyes unblinking
almost vacant, but not quite

There's still life!
My body rarely barely breathing
So still that it's eerie
My brown eyes almost vacant and unmoving
I know I'm there
I can hear the ocean
I can feel the morning breeze brushing my sand covered face and the strands of my hair
The problem is that it isn't me
There's no way I'm this beautiful or pale
Yes, I'm almost dying
But she's not me
Her skin is a white porcelain
Her eyes are the only thing of mine that's hers
Her hair brown
Her figure slim yet curvy
I'm in her body
I remembered
My body changed
But not my soul
This is me
The opposite of me
In a parallel universe who almost succeeded in what I did
*My soul was showing me what my other me did too

Why can't I dream for one night
Without seeing someone's after life

Why can't I dream for one night
Without seeing someone's future in my mind

Why can't I dream for one night
Without knowing what I dream

Why can't I dream for one night
Where what I dream ~even the nightmares ~ is better than my reality

Why can't I dream for one night
*And and never wake from it again