I was your Hazel Grace
Because I thought I was a grenade

I was in my final year in high school when I started liking you
And soon I would leave the same school we were into

I, and the people around us
We became dependent of your actions
And you made us believe that you liked me, too

So much depends upon this boy I really liked
behind his eye glasses were his eyes that had
always been sending me love letters
that I always wanted to reciprocate
his stunning smile made him look grand every time

So much depends upon this rebel heart
that I was ironically obedient to
Because not granting what this heart wanted
would **** me a hundred times

Until the day came that I needed to leave you
I thought leaving would hurt harder than a heart break
But you were the one who left
And that was when I started believing
that I was not the grenade I once thought I would be
but it was you

*You left me wounded

She is everything you'd ever want
And I am nothing of that
And even though every time I look
in the direction of both of you
I crack like an old sidewalk
dark and tough yet fragile
I shatter like a mirror that has had enough
Even though it bruises everything in me
I will still say that I am happy for you
And I am
You deserve to be happy
Even if it does not include  me
And I am willing to smile in the name of you and her
Simply because you deserve to be happy
And you are
**And that is all I want for you

Loving you is spilled wine on white carpet, permanent, staining
a constant reminder of wasted sweetness and regret,
if only I had been paying a little more attention
Loving you is texting and driving, taking the risk of calamity to direct my eyes toward a little light
Loving you is loving poison that taste like sweet tarts
Addicting, my favorite, but dangerous, only seeking my annihilation
I've given myself scars by ripping the last pieces of you from my veins
I've been wanting to write to you and to explain
in some sort of logical way why I still love you
I'm sorry I have taken so long, I just couldn't really find the right words, still I am using the wrong ones
And I am sorry for that as well
My heart is still handcuffed to yours
But your love is too deep to let go of
It's the absolute surface that no living thing can touch
It's impossible to avoid
Seemingly ridiculous to want to push away from
Please don't let me slip away
Loving you is like holding onto a flame
Something not meant to be touched
Harming anything it's way
Yet so beautiful that you can't help but reach out to it
You are my flame
And I will reach to you
And you will never fail to burn me
**Every time

Stay right where you are
Don't move at all
Because where you are standing
You have never looked more beautiful
And although you do not see me
I love you
And I will love you from the corner of your eye forever
If that is what it takes
To keep ths love alive
In atleast one of us

The blank canvas that we once started off with is not only bursting with color but tearing at it's seems
We have broken past brushes and finger painting, the world has shifted from slow to lethal energy
I can not seem to focus on exactly you for too long because my mind begins to cloud and images of you come in glitches
I am not sure if my mind is an old DVD player or if I refuse to stop blinking long enough to make out the proportion of your face
How when you smile your cheeks reach up ward
You eyes squint just slightly
Enough to where you could tell you're laughing but wide enough to see their color
We are not common
My love for you is nothing ordinary
This is something so deep that not even you could scratch the surface
Of how much my mind
has fooled me into believing that maybe you love me
Just as much as I love you

I try to write about you all of the time
I try my best to decipher each feeling
to recover the memories and reignite dead flames
I try to make it all better again my spilling
the colors of my mind on paper
but each time I try
my hand cramps
my mind hits a wall
I am blocked
and to this day I am not sure what stops me
but I promise myself and you
that I will write about you one day
and every locked up emotion
will explode
I will use 26 letters
to express millions of memories
and thousands of thoughts
I promise I will write about you
and I hope you'll read it

Some of my best poems
are ones about you
and I am not sure
if I should apologize
or thank you for that

You are a forward notion of competition and utter desire of love
You have a smile that could stop a truck, eyes that out-blue the ocean
You are eager and dedicated to all that you do
You are kind, understanding, hopeful
You make me believe in myself
and give me the confidence I always hoped to someday acquire
You are an undermined base of love that is slowly being restored
You are the abandoned house in the lost most beautiful area
You did not even notice the vacancy
You are the match that lights my fire
You are a garden filled with venomous flowers
So beautiful and so dangerous
But I have always liked a little risk
and maybe that's why I will never give you up

There are things I try to avoid
many things in fact
I try to avoid the creepy guy staring at me on the bus
I try to avoid my teachers outside of school
I try to avoid gum on the sidewalk
I try to avoid you sometimes
Sometimes to protect myself
Other times simply to do it
There are things I try to avoid
one of them is you
and I am sorry you have fallen into that category
but I am not sorry for the reason why

I look out and see a crescendo of light emerging from behind trees
I try not to stare because I know my eyes are sensitive to this bright light
but I can not help but stare at such a beautiful illustration
and this is the closest comparison I can come up with
to how I feel when I see you

some say that it's a physiological fact
that when someone appears
in your dreams
it means that they're missing you
so, I've come to the sad conclusion
that I am probably found in your dreams quite often
yet you never appear in mine
and that is why I hate science
just as much as I hate love