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 Mar 7
Jellyfish
Shame encircles me
It's a cloudy fog that blurs everything,
Making it harder to see reality
I run inside my mind and hide in a dream.

I am a master at romanticizing!
I might even avoid you to interact with a fantasy,
My mind likes to protect me by airbushing things,
even though what I want is to live authentically

Every moment that I'm not present
Is a lost opportunity to change my mindset.
I'm trying to push past my negative thoughts
and ground myself but I feel so stupid.

I want an identity.
 Feb 6
Jellyfish
I don't want to be helpess anymore,
It was easier, I'll no longer ignore-
How I always asked your thoughts,
How I vented and never stopped.

The things I regret now feel more real,
I wish we just could've hung out;
Been normal friends,
but I was afraid to be myself.

I learned to stay down and not get up,
I'd pace my room in fantasies
Until I learned to que up
Validation felt like a drug

But now what I regret most
Is not giving you a hug,
Spilling my every thought,
And betraying you

Now you're gone
 Jan 29
Jellyfish
Do you accept your family?
Despite the things they say to hurt you?
Do you turn the other cheek
Each time they blame and scold you?

Are you okay with no boundaries?
Never hearing a genuine "I'm sorry."
Do you just shrug things off cause,
"Hey, they're your family"

Or do you not accept that?
I've felt so conflicted lately
Because of family with no boundaries
Family that don't accept me, but want acceptance from me.

They always told me to say sorry as a child,
If I hurt someone else, I was wile.
Even as an adult, I'm always wrong
About others, the world and my own mental health.

I have to apologize in the end.
I have to pick up the phone to check in.
I have to put on an ever changing mask to ensure I won't be hurt again-
I try to explain it and once again, I'm a child.

I say "I" too much
I should ignore everything that offends me,
Assume the best of family because they're family.
I'm family but have to change and ignore my feelings for them to accept me.
I don't want to do it anymore.
 Jan 17
Jellyfish
Motivation is a fleeting feeling.
Discipline is a bridge to my goals.
Discomfort is a stepping stone to growth.
 Aug 2023
Rai
Do not slay your dragons on my doorstep then make love to them just above the gaze of heavens gates.
Do not surrender your fears and then shackle them to yourself as if your life depended upon it.
I am no fool to any man.
I laid down my heart
You cut me with your sword and my shield will protect me from your hastening attentions.
Maybe I am not broken enough to see through your gaze.
But the silence that hangs on the breeze speaks truths.
And it is only truths my ears will dwell upon.
Sweet words mean nothing if in secret you cast them to the dirt below your feet .
The darkness just merged my mind and heart together spitting violent words into a fierce furnace of powerful rage.
Love those you love.
Standing tall in your need for reflection for reflection has purpose.
Speak kindly in secret as in company it is there that you will gain the greatest rewards.
drown me
and breathe life
into me again
i beg of you
bathe me
wash me from myself
swell
and break
into my skin
curl around me
and take me under
Unfortunately,
It is easier
To put-out the light
From our own inner-flame,
Than it is
To put light
Into someone's inner-darkness,
When they have no morals,
Remorse or shame.

~ Shutting off.

By Lady R.F. (C)2019
 Nov 2022
Amanda Kay Burke
Someone deeply in love with once said
I quote
"You like being sad"

Give that thought
Doesn't make sense
Oxymoron at best

Eventually he will realize sometimes sadness sits inside of you and it burns like a flame no amount of laughter or love can extinguish
How do i make everyone else understand?
 Jul 2022
Amanda Kay Burke
Disarmed defenses
Under false pretenses
Deceiving all five senses
And I fell for it like a fool
 Jul 2022
Amanda Kay Burke
The words spilled out my mouth like water
I sit here ashamed
My best shot at communication failed
Tells how badly I aimed
 Jun 2022
Jenna
She was not the first pick for dodgeball,
Or football,
Or soccer,
Or tennis,
Nor was she the fastest,
Or strongest,
Or prettiest,
Or fittest,
But she was the nicest,
Most loyal,
Most kind and true,
But at the end of the day,
That never mattered to you.
You wanted the most perfect,
And prettiest,
And fittest,
And fakest,
… Which wasn’t her. So why’d you do it? Was it a bet?
A dare?
A scam?
Or a lie?
Because now in hindsight,
You are that type of guy,
To go after the nicest,
Most loyal,
Most kind and true,
To leave her broken, hopelessly devoted to you.
And once she’s rebuilt you’ll come back around,
Just to once again, try and knock her down.
And you knew she’s the nicest,
Most loyal,
Most kind and true,
So you knew that she’d come back to you.
And she does, because she is the nicest,
Most loyal,
Most kind and true,
And again, she’s left chasing the memory of you.
So again, she rebuilds, and throws out the
Terrible,
Horrible,
Manipulative, memory of you.
And she won’t let you come back.
Not because she isn’t the nicest,
Most loyal,
Most kind and true,
But because now she is the smartest,
Most loyal,
Most kind and true,
Which at the end of the day, never mattered to you.
So chase your Barbies,
Be happy,
Find a love that’s true,
Because in time, the same thing will happen to you.
 Mar 2022
Amanda Kay Burke
Sunrise brings realization that you are really gone
Amidst the golden beams poured onto my lawn
Morning sky wide with opportunity blue
All I'm able to focus on is you
Taking time to change your mind
The veil of denial rendering me blind
You notice me when it's required
Games have made me so ******* tired
Rays of sunshine warmly fall onto my cheeks
Have not worn an authentic smile in over three weeks
The birds sing a cheerful serenade
Their musical voices to my ears all but fade
You block any memory remaining here
Would be happier if all trace of me disappeared
Will hear your compliments if there's something you need
Motives hidden between your lines aren't hard to read
Sunset floods fire
Room filled with a glow
Goodnight said to secrets you alone will only know
Footprints on my heart because you tread upon my chest
Stomping the vulnerable parts you once caressed
You do not observe scars you left on my skin
You're too selfish
Subconsciously rubbing it in
The space you once occupied is now vacant and cold
Chasm of darkness is all it seems to hold
Blackness comes creeping as the light goes down
Relieved night cloaks my visible frown
Swallowing earth but it sticks in my throat
When it does finally reach my stomach I bloat
Bites I choked down churn in my gut
Tempted to *****
I keep my mouth shut
And fill the gaps in your life with cheap connections
Lost
Fool yourself by picking random directions
I suspect eyes will not sparkle for long
You with someone else just has to be wrong
Reality is not black and white
In fact colors are brighter because I feel grey
Don't understand how you could lose my love and be okay
Now over a year has passed and I've had to finally come to grips with the fact that you're never coming back
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